229: Stop Asking "Why Don't They Want Me?"

Why do I keep choosing the wrong people? Why can't I let go of someone who won't choose me? If you're stuck asking "why," this episode is for you. Sabrina breaks down why self-awareness alone won't heal anxious attachment, how childhood patterns follow you into dating and relationships, and what Mary Ainsworth's Strange Situation study shows about anxious and avoidant attachment: avoidants feel the panic too, they just hide it. She also reads from Chapter 4 of her new book, Why Am I Like This?, about a dating story that taught her what self-abandonment really looks like. Learn the better questions to ask yourself, how nervous system regulation changes the story you tell yourself, and how to stop people pleasing and start choosing you. Come see me on tour! https://sabrinazohar.com/tour Pre-order Sabrina's book coming out October 2026,⁠⁠ "Why Am I Like This?"⁠⁠ Get your free workbook and access to the companion course after pre-ordering 'Why Am I Like This?' by filling out the form at the bottom of the page at ⁠http://sabrinazohar.com/book⁠ Take the new and improved dating quiz! ⁠sabrinazohar.com/quiz⁠ If you’re ready to slow down, trust your instincts, and break your old dating patterns, the Healthy Relationship Foundations Course walks you through it step-by-step ⁠⁠HERE!⁠⁠ Product of the week! https://amzn.to/4v1eHWj Get Ad free ⁠⁠HERE!⁠⁠ Watch on Spotify. Spotify subscribers get fewer ads on my video. Want to work with Sabrina? ⁠⁠HERE!⁠⁠ Get merch for The Sabrina Zohar Show ⁠⁠HERE!⁠⁠ Don't forget to follow ⁠⁠Sabrina⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠The Sabrina Zohar Show⁠⁠ on Instagram and ⁠⁠Sabrina ⁠⁠on TikTok! Video now available on ⁠⁠YOUTUBE!⁠⁠ Chapters: 00:00 Stop Asking Why: Ask Better Questions 04:03 Why Self-Awareness Isn't Enough 07:06 How to Trust Yourself and Choose You 09:41 The Strange Situation Attachment Study 13:10 Family Patterns and Outgrowing People 16:04 Feeling Insecure? Stop Being Perfect 18:37 Childhood Trauma and Anxious Attachment 21:42 Abandoning Yourself to Get Chosen 25:09 Self-Abandonment Is a Trauma Response 28:41 Third-Person Self-Talk Stops Rumination Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formerly known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A.Z & associates LLC in any capacity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices