Episode 585: Perimenopause, Motherhood & the Art of Saying No

What happens when a woman who has spent years managing everyone else’s life finally reaches her breaking point? Rebecca Greene welcomes novelist Kristin Bair for a funny, honest and deeply relatable conversation inspired by Kristin’s novel, Clementine Crane Prefers Not To. Rebecca loved the book so much that she read it twice, recommended it to every mother she knew and knew she had to bring Kristin to the Whinypaluza audience. The novel begins with a hot flash, but the real story is much bigger: the invisible mental load women carry, the resentment that grows when one person becomes responsible for everything and the moment a woman realizes she is allowed to stop. Kristin shares how perimenopause collided with a line she had carried since graduate school: “I would prefer not to,” from Herman Melville’s Bartleby, the Scrivener. Together, those ideas became Clementine Crane, an overwhelmed wife and mother whose first hot flash sparks a personal rebellion. Rebecca and Kristin explore why women are so often expected to remember appointments, manage relationships, plan celebrations, anticipate everyone’s needs and keep the household moving. Kristin makes an important distinction: women did not necessarily create these roles. They inherited them, were not taught how to reject them and often continued carrying everything because they could not see another way. Kristin encourages women to begin with one small act of resistance. Leave the laundry alone. Do not automatically plan the family outing. Stop solving a problem before anyone else notices it exists. Saying “I prefer not to” can begin quietly, with one decision that gives a woman room to breathe. They also discuss using humor to confront difficult truths, what men can do to create healthier relationships, Kristin’s writing process and why she protects each student’s unique voice. What You’ll Learn How perimenopause inspired Clementine Crane What the invisible mental load includes Why guilt appears when women stop managing everything How to begin saying “I prefer not to” Why humor makes difficult truths easier to face How families can create healthier expectations Why writers must protect their original voices About Kristin Bair Kristin Bair is a novelist, essayist and writing instructor who writes fiercely and humorously about women navigating motherhood, marriage, ambition, identity, perimenopause and the mental load. Her fourth novel, Clementine Crane Prefers Not To, follows a woman whose first hot flash awakens her to the invisible responsibilities she has accepted for years. Kristin also wrote Agatha Arch Is Afraid of Everything, The Art of Floating and Thirsty. Website: https://www.kristinbairokeeffe.com/ Instagram and TikTok: @kbairokeeffe Book: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/709879/clementine-crane-prefers-not-to-by-kristin-bair/ This Episode Is Sponsored by Lovebug Probiotics Moms spend so much time caring for everyone else that supporting their own health can fall off the list. Lovebug Probiotics makes it easier to add gut-health support to the family routine. Created by co-founder and mom Ashley Harris after her experience with broad-spectrum antibiotics, Lovebug offers science-focused probiotics made with clean ingredients for babies, toddlers, kids, moms and other adults. Options include Kids Probiotic Chewables, Tummy Gummies and Little Ones, all thoughtfully formulated to support digestive and immune health.* Shop: https://lovebug.com/collections/all Use code WHINYPALUZA20 for 20% off your first order. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Listen to Whinypaluza: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-whinypaluza-podcast/id1534167756 Remember to laugh a lot, learn and love.