You're Not Too Much

This episode is sponsored by ParentAgent. Founder Barbara Ballard spent twenty years in UX and still missed her own kid's early dismissal. So she built ParentAgent. It reads the school and activity email and hands you the list — school, camp, sports, both kids. It doesn't train on your family's data, doesn't sell it, and you can delete all of it. It’s free to start, at parentagent.io/L2. I was people watching at a hotel breakfast when a whole family came down. Everybody had a little pink on their cheeks. Everybody was clearly covered in sunscreen. Except the mom, whose back was so red it looked painful to the touch. Somebody made sure that everybody else at that table had the right amount of sunscreen. And literally no one there had her back. It's called invisible labor for a reason. Nobody sees you doing it. But that doesn't mean it isn't happening. So, women are not superheroes. If you are calling a woman a superhero, it is because you are not also taking the time to ask her what she needs. Stop being impressed. Take something off her plate. Also: I made my favorite drink at home, saved $57, and now I need a $150 ice machine. Then on Ask L2, a listener asks whether infinite love, finite space applies to people who pay her. You're allowed to have boundaries with everyone. Including your boss. 00:00:53 Two trips, one weekend 00:01:40 The best Coke I've ever had in my life 00:02:11 A big family or a donkey 00:02:53 Everybody had sunscreen 00:04:18 Everybody except her 00:04:58 Nobody had her back 00:05:12 It's called invisible labor for a reason 00:05:29 That's not a vacation. That's a trip. 00:05:50 Stop being impressed. Take something off her plate. 00:06:47 She has a partner 00:07:31 Women are not superheroes 00:07:59 If you see a woman doing it all 00:08:15 I found a drink I really like 00:08:58 Why does a $16 salad taste better? 00:09:51 Proper hydration for the first time ever 00:10:30 Sonic Ice 00:11:35 Do I spend $150 to save money? 00:12:30 The cheap ones get moldy. Delicious. 00:13:09 Internet, do I need an ice machine? 00:13:25 Ask L2: infinite love, finite space, at work? 00:14:02 Boundaries at work are important 00:15:28 You can love them and hold a boundary 00:15:54 What you're allowed to say 00:16:30 I felt bad that I didn't feel bad 00:17:09 Your job shouldn't be about love 00:17:26 How could you have hives if you've never had bees? More at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com · Leave me a voicemail at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com/voicemail

My youngest has a vocal stim. She yells meep. Happy? Meep. Frustrated? Meep. Too much energy and nowhere to put it? MEEP. Top of her lungs. Directly into her sister's face. It's about half her vocabulary right now. And I love it. So when someone told her I was only saying I love it to make her feel good? Excuse me. Have you met me? Here's the thing. One day she's going to stop meeping, and I'm going to be really sad about it. So stop harshing her meep mellow. P.S. If your kid has a stim that drives everyone else up the wall but quietly turns your whole heart to mush — this one's for you.

This episode is sponsored by ParentAgent. Founder Barbara Ballard spent twenty years in UX and still missed her own kid's early dismissal. So she built ParentAgent. It reads the school and activity email and hands you the list — school, camp, sports, both kids. It doesn't train on your family's data, doesn't sell it, and you can delete all of it. It’s free to start, at parentagent.io/L2. Content note: this episode talks about consent, sexual assault and abuse. It also contains strong language. Shane Gillis hosted SNL for the third time and said women at the gym dress like whores now. On SNL. During a national conversation about consent. So, can we please stop trying to make Shane Gillis happen? No matter what a woman wears, she was not asking to be assaulted. If you tell women to change their clothes so they don't get assaulted, you are saying assault is the understood byproduct of being a woman. And that's not true. Comedy is supposed to be funny. I've heard jokes that are offensive to me that I still understand are funny to other people. This wasn't funny. This was classifying 50% of the population as a literal slur. And when it's just a joke is the defense? That's an abuse tactic. Every abusive man has used it to gaslight a woman about the degrading thing he just said. You're not overreacting. You are reacting to the fact that somebody just said something shitty. Then on Ask L2: a listener has six "can I pick your brain" coffee invites this month and wants to say no without being the villain. You're never the villain for having boundaries. And you lift while you climb. Stay to the end for the password. It's 867-5309. 00:01:01 Shane Gillis - The charisma of a wooden spoon 00:01:45 Getting sued by David Letterman would be an honor 00:02:09 Can we please stop trying to make Shane Gillis happen? 00:03:24 The conversation we're having right now 00:04:03 There should be no question 00:04:19 Assault is not a byproduct of being a woman 00:04:39 A stupid time to say this thing 00:05:08 Why haven't you been to a gym in that long? 00:05:27 You're a comedian. You're supposed to be funny. 00:05:49 Not banned from SNL 00:06:41 Do we remember his origin story? 00:07:18 Without the usefulness 00:08:03 A thousand ways to tell that joke 00:08:46 "This is just comedy" 00:09:17 This wasn't funny 00:09:28 Why does he keep getting the stage? 00:10:41 Edgy for the sake of being edgy 00:11:13 Why I keep showing up here 00:12:34 Add the neon short shorts to cart 00:12:59 Let's go be undesirable 00:13:30 We don't do it for your gaze 00:13:49 Why "it's just a joke" is an abuse tactic 00:14:33 You're not overreacting 00:15:25 Ask L2: six "can I pick your brain" coffees If something in this episode hit close to home: RAINN, 800-656-HOPE (4673) or online.rainn.org · National Domestic Violence Hotline, 800-799-SAFE (7233), or text START to 88788. More at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com · Leave me a voicemail at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com/voicemail

This episode is sponsored by ParentAgent. Founder Barbara Ballard spent twenty years in UX and still missed her own kid's early dismissal. So she built ParentAgent. It reads the school and activity email and hands you the list — school, camp, sports, both kids. It doesn't train on your family's data, doesn't sell it, and you can delete all of it. It’s free to start, at parentagent.io/L2. I’m gonna say something that’s going to shock everyone listening. I went to a three-day event. By myself. On an airplane. With a bunch of strangers. And I really freaking enjoyed myself. I’m painfully introverted. Usually three days of peopling leaves my social battery so drained that I’m never talking to another human again. This time I came home tired, but the good kind. Here’s the thing. It was a room full of health tech founders who have been where you are and know the way out. Nobody bragged about their successes. We talked a whole lot about failures. No judgment. Also, I was so hyperfocused on my to-do list in the hotel lobby that I almost walked face first into Kevin Durant. I didn’t recognize him. It was like seeing a fish on land. Then on Ask L2: a listener runs a one-person business, hasn’t taken a week off in three years, and is starting to resent the thing they built to get free. Where do you even start? Do as I say, not as I do. Turn your freaking phone off. Chapters 00:00:00 Cold open 00:00:31 Welcome to You’re Not Too Much 00:00:45 Brace yourself 00:01:25 I really freaking enjoyed myself 00:02:00 Are we sure this is New Jersey? 00:02:54 Fancy food and one coconut cheesecake 00:03:47 Invigorating, not exhausting 00:04:17 People who have been where you are 00:05:01 Reentry whiplash 00:06:15 Nobody suspected I never wear shoes 00:06:40 Counting backward 00:07:45 Two hours of hyperfocus in the great room 00:09:17 Wait, strangers just start conversations? 00:10:02 A very tall man on the stairs 00:11:39 Like seeing a fish on land 00:11:57 "You saw Kevin Durant?" 00:12:42 The guests who wouldn’t check out 00:13:31 What else did I miss? 00:14:55 Ask L2: no week off in three years 00:15:54 Turn your freaking phone off 00:16:50 The false economy of never resting 00:17:43 All I want is to not be needed 00:17:58 Nothing will fall apart in one week 00:18:31 Love you, mean it More at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com · Leave me a voicemail at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com/voicemail

This episode is sponsored by Aging Together. Founded by occupational therapist Dr. Pooja A. Patel, Aging Together helps families navigate aging and caregiving before it becomes a crisis. Start your journey today at aging-together.com/nottoomuch where you can use discount code NOTTOOMUCH10 for $10 off the already-discounted elder care planning bundles. I've been doing this podcast for 18 months, and I am still mortified that I have a podcast. Newsflash: that has not changed. What has changed is everything else. Last month our tiny show — me, in my office, running my mouth into a microphone — showed up on the US mental health chart one row above Sanjay Gupta's podcast. We passed 400,000 downloads. We became a network. A sponsored network. And every single time, my brain said that's probably not gonna last. Or somebody made a mistake. Here's the thing. I have three exits. I run a consulting company. And at my core, I am still that 12-year-old girl who is very concerned that you're not gonna come to my birthday party. We can be wildly successful and also that little kid. That's kinda gotta be okay. Also in this one: You're Not In Charge of the Scale, the new show on our network from pediatrician Dr. Stephanie Walsh. Five more shows in production. Why sponsors won't change a single thing about my mouth. And on Ask L2, a listener bought 14 project management apps and still runs the whole business off sticky notes. Is that a system? Yes. Is it a good system? No. Does it have to be? Chapters 00:00:00 Cold open 00:00:47 Welcome to You're Not Too Much 00:01:01 18 months in and still mortified 00:02:45 Why my brain won't let me enjoy a win 00:03:46 My producer told me not to look at the charts 00:05:33 One row above Sanjay Gupta 00:07:34 Before my brain undoes it 00:08:29 400,000 downloads 00:08:56 Wildly successful and still that 12-year-old girl 00:10:01 Big news: we're a network 00:10:36 Meet You're Not In Charge of the Scale 00:11:07 Five more shows in production 00:11:53 We're a sponsored network 00:12:43 A year ago, this was a pipe dream 00:14:16 Will sponsors change what I say? 00:16:02 Ask L2: 14 apps and a business run on sticky notes 00:19:06 Is it a system? Is it a good one? 00:20:10 It's 12:12 More at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com Leave me a voicemail at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com/voicemail