The Angry Therapist Podcast

Some of the hardest truths about relationships are the ones we spend the most time avoiding. I’m talking about the conversations that challenge the way we think about marriage, love, resentment, breakups, and even our own intuition. I start with a controversial idea: I think marriages need to die. Not because divorce is the goal, but because long-term relationships can’t survive if the old version of the marriage is expected to stay the same forever. Growth asks us to let old dynamics end so a new relationship can be born. I also answer some of your relationship questions about resentment, breakups, choosing the wrong partners, trusting your gut, and what happens when love activates old attachment wounds. I talk about: Why marriages need death and rebirth to keep growing How life transitions reshape relationships Why feelings and capacity are two different things The difference between loving someone and choosing someone What resentment is communicating before it destroys a relationship How overfunctioning creates hidden resentment Why breakup anger often belongs to an older wound How to move through anger without letting it make decisions Why intuition whispers and anxiety argues How childhood experiences shape what my gut tells me If you enjoyed this episode, subscribe for more conversations about relationships, healing, attachment, and personal growth. If this episode spoke to you, leave a comment and share it with someone who needs this reminder. 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest.https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298 My book publishing company: Soulprinthttps://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress, Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substack:https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here:https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/ Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose:https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 Follow me on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/?hl=en Find out more:https://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, I reflect on what I’d tell myself 10 years ago about losing everything, rebuilding, and learning that security was never really about what I owned. I also share a story about a local surfer in Costa Rica who offered to teach me after watching me struggle in the water every day. What stayed with me wasn’t the surfing—it was the feeling of being seen, believed in, and chosen at 52. Sometimes the thing we need most isn’t more confidence. It’s someone saying, “I see what you’re trying to become. If this episode resonated with you, be sure to follow the podcast, leave a rating, and share it with someone who might need to hear it. Connect with me: 📘My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298 My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here. https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/ 📘 My book, Break Up On Purpose: https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 📸 Instagram: https://instagram.com/theangrytherapist 🌐 Find out more: https://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you staying because you want to or because you’re afraid to leave? In this Therapy Thursdays, I answer your questions about fading attraction, slow-burn love, situationships, and healing after heartbreak. We also talk about what it takes to start liking yourself again. And before you decide there’s no spark, there’s one question worth asking yourself… 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Shefali who is an NYT bestselling author of The Conscious Parent and The Awakened Family. She is also a clinical psychologist, an international speaker and a wisdom teacher, integrating Eastern philosophy with Western psychology. We talk about what it actually means to raise conscious boys and girls in a world that is changing faster than ever. We talk about the different things boys and girls are missing today, from physicality, movement, mentorship and healthy masculinity for boys to voice, self-trust and protection from the pressures of social media for girls. We also get into how much of parenting is really about our own wounds, fears and unresolved experiences. Dr. Shefali also shares her own struggle with staying present, letting go and trusting her daughter instead of constantly trying to prevent discomfort or rescue her. We talk about the messy process of parenting, learning to hold space for our children, and eventually becoming less central in their lives. We talk about: What boys and girls need from parents today. Why boys need movement, adventure, mentorship and healthy initiation. The importance of giving boys a pathway toward conscious masculinity. Why young men can become vulnerable when they don't have healthy male mentors. How social media and unrealistic standards are affecting girls. The difference between empowerment and seeking approval. How pornography and the internet have changed childhood. Why parents need to be more present and vigilant without becoming paranoid. How our own childhood experiences can shape the way we parent. Why parenting can become a mirror into our own unconsciousness. The challenge of letting go, trusting and allowing children to experience discomfort. Why boundaries can become harder to establish when we don't set them early. What it means to parent without trying to mold your child into who you think they should become. The eventual goal of moving from center stage to backstage in your child's life. Why there is no perfect way to parent and why making mistakes is part of the process. Connect with Dr. Shefali: Preorder Raising Conscious Sons and Raising Conscious Daughters:https://www.drshefali.com/raisingconscious-daughters-sons/ Official website:https://www.drshefali.com/ Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/doctorshefali/ Parenting & You podcast:https://www.drshefali.com/podcast/ Book tour:https://raisingconscious.drshefali.com/tour/ 🎙️ Connect with John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I’m answering a few questions about love, desire, affairs, and obsession. I start with a question about losing desire for a husband after having an affair and whether that desire can actually come back. My answer is yes - but I don’t think getting the old desire back should be the goal. Sometimes the relationship we had has died, and the work is to create something new instead. I also talk about why affairs can make desire especially confusing, how an affair can awaken a version of ourselves that we haven't felt in a long time, and why that version of us doesn't necessarily belong to the person we had the affair with. Then I get into what happens when couples try to repair after infidelity but accidentally allow the affair to become the relationship. Finally, I talk about obsession and how to tell the difference between obsession and love. Sometimes the person we can't stop thinking about isn't the love of our life - they're the person who created the most uncertainty in our life. I talk about: Why getting the old desire back shouldn't necessarily be the goal. Why you may need to create a new relationship instead of recreating the old one. Why comparing marital desire to affair desire isn't a fair comparison. What an affair can awaken in us beyond the other person. Why sometimes we're craving the version of ourselves we got to be around someone. How couples can rebuild desire together after infidelity. Why making the entire relationship about the affair can prevent real repair. When transparency becomes surveillance instead of rebuilding trust. Why love should expand your world while obsession tends to shrink it. How uncertainty and intermittent reinforcement can make someone feel impossible to let go of. Why we can become obsessed with a version of someone we've created from incomplete information. How to separate what actually happened from what we imagined could happen. Why letting go can mean surrendering the ending we hoped someone would give us. Link to the challenge: ⁠https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/300-hundred-questions-in-30-days⁠ If this episode resonated with you, be sure to follow the podcast, leave a rating, and share it with someone who might need to hear it. 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. ⁠HERE⁠ My book publishing company: Soulprint ⁠https://www.soulprintmedia.co⁠ 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack⁠ ⁠HERE⁠⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available ⁠HERE⁠ Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more ⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices