Everybody Grieves. Not Everybody Mourns Well with Matthew Efird

Will Grief Drive Your Marriage Together or Apart? About This Episode Everybody grieves, but not everybody mourns well. What does it look like to lean into your faith instead of away from it when you are handed the news that your child will not survive? And what does that season do to a marriage? In this episode, Aaron sits down with Matthew Efird, a husband, father of four boys, business owner, and author, who shares the story of his son Noah, the 57 and a half hours he got to hold him, and the two questions that kept his marriage from coming apart in the fog of grief. About Matthew Efird Matthew Efird is a follower of Jesus, a husband to his high school sweetheart Hannah, and a father of four boys. In 2019, he and Hannah learned their second son, Noah, had trisomy 13, a lethal diagnosis; Noah was born in March 2020 and lived 57 and a half hours. A former associate pastor, Matthew now runs an outdoor pest control company, an outdoor lighting company, and a lighting franchise, and speaks at churches, conferences, and organizations on empathetic leadership. He is the author of Even Though We Will, a book written from a dad's perspective on walking through child loss. In This Episode 00:00 — A note before you listen — Aaron opens with caution for anyone currently walking through loss: this conversation may be exactly the strength you need, or it may be too heavy for today. 03:12 — Who Matthew is — High school sweethearts, four boys, a few businesses, and a son who would be turning seven this year. 06:50 — Building the ark before the storm — Why a long-distance dating relationship, premarital mentors, and Thursday date nights turned out to matter more than Matthew and Hannah could have known. 12:54 — Accountability that holds you close and calls you higher — Matthew reframes a word many believers flinch at. 14:09 — "It's okay to not be okay. It's not okay to stay there." — At 28, with a diagnosis in hand, Matthew learned what it means to default to your highest level of training. 18:08 — Everybody grieves, not everybody mourns well — A friend still stuck seven years after tragedy, and the difference between grief that keeps you at the grave and mourning that moves you forward. 21:54 — The ultrasound room — An 18-month-old distracting his parents while the technician keeps measuring the same thing over and over. 25:32 — What is going to be our story? — Standing on the back porch on speakerphone, Matthew and Hannah made a choice about which direction they would lean. 28:47 — Where "Even Though We Will" came from — A father who read his Bible every morning, the book of Job, and a family slogan born on the hardest day. 33:25 — The question the neonatologist asked — "How is your marriage?" and why the answer would shape the next forty years. 38:07 — 57 and a half hours — A fast delivery, a full room of family and friends, and a hospital that closed to visitors the day after they left. 41:05 — What I deserve and what I've been given — Matthew connects the loss of his son directly to the gospel. 42:45 — "Noah never experienced me letting him down" — The journal entry that stopped Matthew mid-sentence. 49:18 — What Job's friends got right before they opened their mouths — Why presence, not words, is what someone in grief needs, and what drive-by advice does instead. 52:30 — Practical ways to show up — Grass, laundry, gift cards, date nights, and the kids who often get overlooked. 57:03 — The two questions that saved hard conversations — What Hannah asked instead of "Are you okay?" when Matthew snapped over the trash. 1:00:07 — Empathy is a tool, not a measuring stick — Matthew's go-to response when someone shares a loss, and why he never leads with his own story. 1:07:11 — Who the book is for — Dads without words, wives trying to understand their husbands, and the community that wants to help but doesn't know how. Resources from This Episode Even Though We Will by Matthew Efird Matthew's website Scripture referenced: Job 13:15, Romans 12:2, 2 Corinthians 1:3–4, 2 Corinthians 4:16–18, 1 Peter, Matthew 5:4, Romans 12:15