Autistic and AuDHD Adults: Two Interrupting Problems, Patterns & Options Explained

Interrupting can go wrong for autistic and AuDHD adults in two very different ways, and the usual advice to just speak up only helps with one of them. In this episode I go through why a thought can vanish the moment someone cuts in, why jumping into a group conversation might not work for a lot of us, and what I've tried for both. I describe the two different situations involved with this idea, and then I go through a handful of options I've tried, for one-on-one conversations and for group settings, including one that came out of improv and one that I think is the least ideal but still counts. I also give you a test to run over the week for whether any of this is helping, or whether it's just more masking, which you might not want more of in your life. WHAT YOU'LL LEARN: Why a thought can disappear completely the moment you get interrupted, and when that tends to happen Why waiting for the right pause in a group conversation can cost so much afterward What to say to a trusted person so you can keep the floor while you work a thought out How to get an assist in a group setting when jumping in on your own isn't available to you A test for whether your speaking up strategy is helping or just adding more masking CHAPTERS: 0:00 Two ways interrupting goes wrong for autistic brains 1:33 What this episode covers 3:09 Losing your train of thought mid-sentence 4:43 Why verbal processing makes the thought disappear 7:17 Where monotropic attention might come into it 7:59 The other problem: waiting for a pause that doesn't come 9:05 Why so many of us hold back 10:51 The empathy gap and unwritten rules 11:57 AAC, speech that changes, and timing 12:41 Corrections growing up and as an adult 15:24 Why interrupting isn't equally safe for every person in the room 16:32 Options for one-on-one conversations 18:07 Options for a group: asking for an assist 19:14 Practising the flow, and the masking question 20:29 Where improv came in for me 21:59 Practising letting go, with a strategy 23:29 A test for the week 24:56 Outro RESOURCES: The double empathy gap (double empathy problem), more information: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_empathy_problem Monotropism: https://monotropism.org About Audio and Video This show is available as a video on YouTube. Some audio you are hearing is taken from the video versions that are recorded outside, and why there are some changes in the microphone quality. NEURODIVERGENT RESOURCES FROM JEN: AuDHD and autistic coaching (1:1): https://jendehaan.com/ Regulation Practice Library (free!): https://jendehaan.com/wired-divergent/practices/ Newsletter signup: https://jendehaan.com/newsletters Wired Divergent videos: https://youtube.com/@jendehaan Resources and blog posts: https://jendehaan.com Support the show We love our podcast host Capitvate.fm! Contact to ask me anything, anytime. Sign up with Captivate here: https://www.captivate.fm/signup?ref=yzjiytz We have our newsletters on Kit.com. Sell products, get tips, and a newsletter too. Easy, and they don't take a cut! https://partners.kit.com/ijdkivtf8ndd Transcriptions by MacWhisper. I use and love the Pro version (subscription free! Local!) - you can get it too using this link: https://gumroad.com/a/20303251/ivpqk Run Coaching or Courses? Absolutely love ClarityFlow. Seriously. Ask me anything, or sign up here. About This podcast was created, written, and is hosted by Jen deHaan. Jen has certifications related to healthy communities (Tufts University Friedman School of Nutrition Science and Policy), nervous system regulation, and she is a trauma-informed certified coach. She is working towards her board certified coach (BCC) credential, and has a BFA in teaching creative arts to adults. You can find her full bio here. This podcast was made in British Columbia, Canada by Jen deHaan. I respectfully acknowledge that I live and work on the unceded traditional territory of the Coast Salish peoples, and honour the homelands of the Qualicum First Nation and the Snaw-naw-as First Nation, as well as the ties of the Snuneymuxw and K'ómoks First Nations. I would like to express gratitude to these and all First Nations for their continued stewardship of these lands and waters where I create these episodes. DISCLAIMER: Wired Divergent is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or therapeutic advice. If you're in crisis or need clinical support, please reach out to a qualified professional. Crisis & Support Resources: https://jendehaan.com/mental-health-resources Full Disclaimer: https://jendehaan.com/disclaimer This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: OP3 - https://op3.dev/privacy