Crappy to Happy

This week Cass talks with Dr Ann Kelley, licensed psychologist and co-host of the Therapist Uncensored podcast, about the importance of updating our understanding of attachment styles and the limitations of categorising ourselves and others. Ann proposes a more helpful approach of thinking about attachment as a spectrum. She introduces the idea of secure relating (as opposed to secure attachment), which involves understanding our own nervous system and how it impacts our interactions with others. 

Ann introduces the Modern Attachment Regulation Spectrum, helpfully using colours to represent different states of arousal: red for hyperarousal, blue for hypoarousal, and green for secure relating. She shares how our nervous system naturally responds to threats and connection, emphasising the need for self-awareness and compassion in order to create happy, healthy relationships in every area of our lives. She provides practical strategies for warming up or cooling down our nervous system and emphasises the relevance of this in every area of life: friendships, intimate relationships, parenting, work relationships, and the broader community.

Connect with Ann and order your copy of 'Secure Relating':

Cass responds to a listener who is experiencing body dissatisfaction during pregnancy. She highlights that while this is relatively common, it can be a concern if it contributes to poor maternal mental or physical health. She shares strategies for managing uncomfortable thoughts and feelings about your changing body and the importance of women feeling free to share their experience of any aspect of pregnancy or parenthood without guilt. Importantly, Cass highlights some of the signs of 'Pregorexia' (disordered eating during pregnancy) and notes that professional help may sometimes be indicated. 

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Cass chats with Victoria Vanstone, host of the Sober Awkward Podcast and creator of the Drunk Mummy Sober Mummy blog and website, about her decision to leave behind her partying days in order to be a happier, less anxious, more present parent by giving up alcohol. Vic admits she didn't like sober people and that she feared no-one would want to be around her anymore if she stopped being the life of every party.

Vic has recently published her first book, "A Thousand Wasted Sundays" and shares how she felt she never had a choice but to drink alcohol, but after becoming a parent, she realised her social, binge drinking was taking more from her than it was giving.

Vic's message is that you don't have to hit 'rock bottom' to question your relationship with alcohol. Better still, there are plenty of good times still to be had. She realises her habit was fueled by people pleasing and a lack of self-care, and she hopes her message will enable other women to see that they also have a choice when it comes to drinking.

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Cass answers a listener question about what to do when you feel disappointed by people in your life. She shares ideas about how to manage your expectations, how to take responsibility for your own part in the situation, and how to heal from painful feelings of disappointment. Our social connections are the single most important factor contributing to happiness and wellbeing so it's critical we have strategies for communicating our expectations and what to do when they aren't met.

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Cass talks with Lizzie Williamson, the founder of Two Minute Moves, about the astonishing benefits of building micro-movement breaks into your day. Whether you're at home or in the office, taking tiny opportunities to move your body will reduce your risk of a range of diseases while improving your productivity, creativity, energy and mood.