The Angry Therapist Podcast

At 53, I've realized that some of life's biggest lessons aren't about getting ahead. They're about learning when to take the leap, when to let go, how to love without losing yourself, and how to stop waiting for some future version of your life before you start living. In this episode, I share 12 life lessons that have shaped the way I think about relationships, personal growth, success, and happiness. I talk about why being single isn't a waiting room, how our childhood experiences can influence what we mistake for intuition, and why becoming a better version of yourself sometimes means reconnecting with the person you used to be. I also explore the importance of traveling, finding meaning in everyday experiences, allowing things to end without calling them failures, and resisting the pressure to turn every passion into something profitable. Ultimately, these lessons are about creating a life that feels honest and meaningful, rather than spending years chasing someone else's definition of success. IN THIS EPISODE: • Why confidence comes after taking action, not before• Making the most of singlehood instead of waiting for a relationship• The difference between healthy compromise and self-abandonment• How childhood patterns influence attraction and intuition• Reconnecting with your younger self and rediscovering curiosity• How traveling changes your perspective• Recognizing endings as experiences rather than failures• Finding joy in ordinary Tuesdays• Allowing hobbies to exist without financial expectations• Questioning the life blueprints you've inherited• Why belonging shouldn't require betraying your truth• Choosing a life that feels alive rather than one that just looks impressive If you enjoyed this episode, subscribe for more conversations about relationships, healing, personal growth, and building a more intentional life. Leave a comment sharing which of these 12 lessons resonated with you most, and share this episode with someone who's ready to start living more intentionally. NOVEMBER 9–13 | COSTA RICA THIS ISN'T A VACATION. IT'S A RESET. A four-day immersion designed to shake loose the old operating system you've been living from and help you build a new one — one rooted in flow, connection, joy, and nervous system regulation. Perfect for beginners. If you feel the pull, stay with it. Don't miss out on the next retreat. The next retreat will be from November 9–13. https://surfsexandpancakes.com/ 31 DAYS TO GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you. For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life. Learn more and join here: https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way 🎙️ CONNECT WITH ME 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298 My book publishing company, Soulprint: https://www.soulprintmedia.co If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here: https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/ 📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose.: https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/ Find out more: https://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Resentment rarely comes from one big moment. More often, it builds through the small things we don't talk about: the dishes, the forgotten gestures, the mental load, and the feeling that you're the only one making an effort. I talk about how these everyday frustrations become evidence of deeper hurt, why unresolved conflict makes resentment grow, and how to repair the damage before years of disappointment turn into distance. I talk about: • How small moments of hurt build into long-term resentment • The invisible mental load of maintaining a relationship • Why the dishes are rarely just about the dishes • How the stories we tell ourselves amplify frustration • Asking for what you need before it becomes a demand • Why conflict is inevitable but repair is essential • Creating a safe space for difficult conversations • Using empathy, self-awareness, and accountability to repair emotional wounds If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you. For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life. Learn more and join here: https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298 My book publishing company, Soulprint: https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress, Sht Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substack: https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here: https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/ 📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose.: https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/ Find out more: https://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What does genuine love actually look like? It may have less to do with how someone makes you feel and more to do with whether you can truly see them, allow them to be themselves, and continue meeting them as both of you change. I also explore what happens when fear of losing someone keeps us from fully enjoying the relationship we have today, how relationships teach us who we are becoming, and the difference between healthy compromise and losing yourself. I also look at what can exist underneath betrayal and affairs, including the desire to reconnect with a version of yourself that feels lost. I talk about: • What genuine love looks like beyond attraction and chemistry • Loving someone without abandoning yourself • Why we have to keep meeting our partners as they change • The fear of losing someone and how it can steal the present • Why the small, ordinary moments in a relationship matter • Asking what a relationship is teaching you to become • The difference between compromise and self-abandonment • How relationships can teach us to expand or shrink ourselves • What can be underneath affairs and betrayal • The different emotional realities of the betrayed partner, the person who cheated, and the affair partner If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you. For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life. Learn more and join here:https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest.https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298 My book publishing company, Soulprint:https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress, Sht Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substack:*https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here:https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/ 📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose.:https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 Follow me on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/ Find out more:https://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We were handed a blueprint for what a “good life” is supposed to look like: fall in love, get married, buy the house, have kids, build a career, and stay together. But what happens when you achieve the life you were supposed to want and realize it doesn’t actually feel like yours? I talk about breaking away from inherited ideas of happiness, questioning the lives we’re maintaining simply because we’ve already spent years building them, and creating something more honest and customized. I also answer questions about open relationships, getting over self-doubt after leaving a good person, and why a relationship can be meaningful without lasting forever. I talk about: • The blueprint we inherit for what a “good life” is supposed to look like• Getting everything you were supposed to want and still feeling unhappy• The difference between a good life and a life that actually feels like yours• Redefining marriage, family, success, wealth, and commitment• Breaking patterns and questioning what you’re maintaining simply because you’ve already built it• Whether open relationships can work and what needs to be addressed before opening one• Why changing relationship structures doesn’t automatically fix existing problems• Getting over self-doubt after breaking up with a good person• Why someone can be a good person and still not be your person anymore• Letting relationships be meaningful without needing them to last forever If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you. For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life. Learn more and join here:https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest.https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298 My book publishing company, Soulprint:https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress, Sht Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substack:*https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here:https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/ 📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose.:https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 Follow me on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/ Find out more:https://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Being in love and loving someone aren’t always the same thing. Being in love can be about chemistry, longing, fantasy, desire, and the way someone makes you feel. But loving someone asks something harder: can you keep seeing who they actually are as they change? Can you stay curious about the person they’re becoming instead of holding them to the version you first fell for? In this episode, I talk about why intensity alone isn’t enough to build a life with someone, why long-term relationships can go through seasons where the love feels different, and why falling out of love doesn’t automatically mean the relationship is over. I also get into what happens after betrayal when you’re still watching an ex’s life and waiting for them to suffer, fail, or finally understand what they did to you. At some point, healing means taking your attention back and putting it somewhere they no longer get to participate in. And I answer one of the questions I hear most: how do you know whether your marriage is going through a hard season or whether the relationship is actually ending? In this episode, I talk about: • The difference between being in love and loving someone• Why intensity and chemistry aren’t enough• Loving someone as they grow and change• Why we sometimes miss who we were in a relationship more than the person• Three questions to ask when looking back on a past relationship• Why falling in and out of love can be part of a long-term relationship• How to stop making an ex’s life evidence for your own• Why healing can require teaching your attention a new address• The difference between a hard season and a relationship that may be ending• Why movement, ownership, and changed behavior matter more than promises Sometimes love isn’t about getting back to who you used to be together. Sometimes it’s about deciding whether you still want to know and choose the people you’re becoming. If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you. For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life. Learn more and join here:https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest.https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298 My book publishing company, Soulprint:https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress, Sht Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substack:*https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here:https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/ 📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose.:https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 Follow me on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/ Find out more:https://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices