Unwineding

The million-dollar question is: why do we love the way we do? I’m no expert, but today’s guest is. In this episode, I’m joined by clinical psychologist and attachment theory expert Dr. Morgan Anderson to talk about how anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, and disorganized attachment shape the way we connect, communicate, and choose partners. We talk about why you may feel drawn to emotionally unavailable people, why healthy relationships can sometimes feel uncomfortable, and how past experiences can influence your dating patterns more than you realize. We also discuss how to move toward secure attachment, how to stop repeating unhealthy relationship dynamics, and how to create more emotionally available, stable, and fulfilling relationships. We also talk about: • the difference between anxious, avoidant, and disorganized attachment styles• why you might feel anxious in dating even when someone is treating you well• why emotionally unavailable partners can feel familiar• how attachment styles develop through relationships and life experiences• how to recognize unhealthy dating patterns• how to stop self-sabotaging relationships• why secure love can feel unfamiliar at first• the role of the nervous system in relationships• why you don’t need to be “fully healed” before dating• how to build secure attachment over time• how to communicate your needs in relationships• how to stop overanalyzing early dating situations• how attachment theory can help you understand your relationship choices & so much more. As always, take whatever you need from our conversation and leave the rest. LOVE YOU. x SAY HI: follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Dr. Morgan on Instagram follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ subscribe to Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ shop Unwineding’s ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠storefront Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

File this episode under: the dating advice we probably need but don’t always want to hear. Alyssa Pettinato, host of the Missjudged Podcast, is on Unwineding today and we’re getting into the chaos that is modern dating: from being the “chill girl,” to unrealistic expectations, to whether we’re actually making dating harder than it needs to be. We talk about why dating feels so confusing right now, why so many women feel burnt out by modern dating culture, and how to balance having high standards without unintentionally limiting yourself. We also get into how to screen men early, what “dating intentionally” actually means (and why Alyssa is OVER this statement), and how to stop overcomplicating relationships before they even begin. Oh, and how we love a short king. We also talk: • why modern dating feels so complicated right now• the problem with trying to be the “chill girl”• dating standards vs unrealistic expectations• how to screen men early in dating• what “dating intentionally” actually means• how to know what you want in a partner• why dating apps can feel draining• how to have more fun dating again• mindset shifts for healthier relationships• navigating avoidant partners and emotional availability• why dating should feel exciting, not exhausting• how to stay optimistic about love and relationships & more. As always, take whatever you need from our conversation and leave the rest. LOVE YOU. x SAY HI: follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Alyssa on Instagram follow Alyssa on TikTok follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ subscribe to Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ shop Unwineding’s ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠storefront Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

He’s not your soulmate if you have to lower your standards, I promise. It’s just us this week—and we’re unpacking the subtle but powerful difference between being kept around and being chosen— and why the two can feel almost identical in the beginning (which is incredibly mind-f*cking, pardon my French). We talk about why consistency alone isn’t enough, how situationships create emotional attachment without real security, and why feeling confused in dating is often the biggest sign that something isn’t fully aligned. Because the truth is: someone can enjoy you, care about you, and still not have the capacity to choose you (which is insane). And when that happens, the most important question becomes…why are we accepting dynamics that make us question ourselves? If you’ve ever found yourself wondering where you stand, overanalyzing mixed signals, or feeling like something is almost right but not quite… this episode is for you. We’re also exploring:• the emotional difference between attention and commitment• why clarity is one of the biggest green flags in dating• the role of capacity in relationships• why confusion is not a normal stage of a healthy relationship• how to stop overriding your intuition• why being “almost chosen” can feel so painful• choosing self-respect over uncertainty You deserve clarity. You deserve effort. You deserve someone who is certain about you. And you deserve someone who would never risk losing you. OKAYYYYY?! As per ujje, take whatever resonates & leave the rest. LOVE YOU. x COME SAY HI: follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ subscribe to Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ shop Unwineding’s ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠storefront Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We talk so much about intention and communication in romantic relationships, but our friendships deserve the same amount of effort. My beautiful girl (and Unwineding Podcast regular), Angie Lassman, is back and we’re doing what we do best: talking about female friendships. We’re exploring how the love languages show up in friendship (vs. romantic relationships) and why understanding how your friends feel loved can completely change the way you show up for each other. We also talk about the importance of communication, navigating misunderstandings, and why friendships deserve the same level of care and intention we often reserve for romantic relationships. And we’re circling back on a challenge we gave each other last summer—on being less avoidant (lol). Angie worked on her avoidance with friends (and killed it), and I worked on my avoidance with men (and didn’t exactly kill it). But we live and we learn. We also chat about: • love languages in friendship and how they show up differently than in romantic relationships• why understanding your friends’ love languages can strengthen your friendship• how to communicate better in friendships• asking for what you need from your friends• why healthy friendships require effort, intention, and communication• navigating misunderstandings and conflict in friendship• how we’re working on our people-pleasing tendencies• why many of us struggle to voice our needs in relationships• how small acts of care can make friends feel loved and supported• the importance of nurturing female friendships• why strong friendships are built (they don’t just exist) As always, I hope there’s something in this conversation you needed today—take whatever resonates and leave the rest. See you next week. x SAY HI: follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Angie on Instagram follow Angie on TikTok follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ subscribe to Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ shop Unwineding’s ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠storefront Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why do we glamorize not caring? Why are we so embarrassed to be seen trying? In the second installment of our DEBRIEF series, we’re exploring the cultural obsession with being effortless and why pretending you don’t care about something might actually be holding you back. From dating advice and relationships to careers, confidence, and personal growth, we’re constantly told to play it cool: don’t try too hard, don’t text first, don’t show how much you care. But the truth is that the most meaningful things in life—deep friendships, healthy relationships, successful careers, and personal development—are built through effort, intention, and perseverance (not magic. and most DEF not by pretending you don’t care). If you’ve ever wondered whether struggle means something isn’t meant for you, or felt embarrassed for wanting something badly, this conversation will shift how you think about effort, discipline, and success. We’re debriefing: • why society glamorizes effortlessness and natural talent• the pressure to appear unbothered in dating and relationships• why trying hard isn’t embarrassing (and why we think it is)• the difference between forcing something vs. putting in effort• why hard doesn’t mean something isn’t meant for you• the psychology of grit, perseverance, and skill development• how discipline and consistency shape success more than talent• the fear of visible effort and public failure (especially on social media)• why the most meaningful things in life require intentional effort• a closing journaling prompt for self-reflection and personal growth As always, take whatever resonates & leave the rest. And please remember: nothing meaningful is built by pretending you don’t care. SAY HI: follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Lisa on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ follow Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ subscribe to Unwineding on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Youtube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ shop Unwineding’s ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠storefront Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices