The Empower Create Encourage Podcast

S5E06 – The Anxious & Avoidant Cycle

with guest Malisa Hepner, therapist, author, and host of “Emotionally Unavailable”

Why do anxious and avoidant partners seem irresistibly drawn to each other—yet often end up in cycles of push, pull, and misunderstanding?

In this episode of the Empower Create Encourage Podcast, I sit down with Malisa Hepner to unpack the magnetic (and sometimes messy) connection between these two attachment styles.

After we explore:

• The simple truth about what drives anxious and avoidant attraction
• The recurring patterns in decision-making, problem-solving, and conflict
• How emotional safety can be cultivated for both partners
• Common intimacy and bedroom dynamics in anxious/avoidant relationships
• The impact of dissociation and “performative desire” on connection
• How avoidance of pain affects emotional intimacy
• Grounding and regulation techniques for individuals and couples
• One small but powerful step couples can take toward secure love—even if they’ve never experienced it before

If you’ve ever felt stuck in this loop—or love someone who has—this conversation will help you see the cycle clearly and give you tools to change it.

🎧 Tune in and remember: You are empowered to create the love, life, and reality you desire.

Connect with Malisa Hepner, on her instagram | @malisa.hepner

Are you living your own life—or the one you inherited?

In this episode of Empower Create Encourage, I sit down with Simon Luthi, author of Becoming the Rocket Shaman, to explore how cultural conditioning, family patterns, and unconscious stories shape who we think we are.

We talk about:

• The subtle signs you might be living an inherited identity
• How to recognize and release the roles you never chose
• Simon’s “Once Upon a Time” method for uncovering unconscious stories
• Why “Is this mine?” is the question that can realign your life
• The first steps to rewriting your story as a sacred act

Connect with Simon Luthi, on his website | www.therocketshaman.com

I sit down with Heidi Blackie, former healthcare professional, trauma-informed coach, and founder of UnshakableMe, to talk about the hidden cost of people-pleasing and the self-sabotage “grenades” we carry without even realizing it.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why people-pleasing is not kindness—and how to tell the difference
• What “self-sabotage grenades” are and how to spot them in your life
• How trauma and nervous system dysregulation fuel burnout cycles
• The difference between setting a boundary and building a wall
• What Micro-Boldness is—and how small truth-telling moments change everything

Heidi’s 3 Tools to Start Reclaiming Your Power:

1. Label your patterns without judgment – Awareness interrupts autopilot
2. One daily act of self-compassion – Small shifts rewrite big stories
3. Practice Micro-Boldness – Speak, rest, or ask for what you need

We all carry parts of ourselves we’ve been taught to hide—shame, insecurity, fear, or even behaviors we regret. But what if the parts we believe are “unlovable” or “ugly” are actually the gateway to healing, authenticity, and true connection?

In this raw and honest conversation, psychiatrist and voice liberation advocate Dr. Fred Moss joins us to explore what it means to face the uncomfortable, unpolished parts of ourselves—without judgment, without shame.

Together, we unpack:

• The different types of “ugly” that live inside us—those that harm us first, and those that harm others.
• Why we’re taught to silence the very parts of us that need the most compassion.
• How to reclaim your true voice and live in alignment with who you really are.
• Creative and simple practices to reconnect with yourself on a daily basis.

Dr. Fred brings deep insight, practical tools, and a radically human lens to mental health—challenging the belief that we need to be “fixed,” and reminding us that healing starts when we stop hiding.

If you’ve ever felt like parts of you were too messy, too broken, or too dark to be seen or loved—this episode is for you.

🎧 Listen now and rediscover the power of your unfiltered, unedited self.

Connect with Alessandra Charlesworth | https://linktr.ee/empower.create.encourage

Connect with Dr. Fred Moss on his website | https://www.skool.com/welcometohumanity/about

⚠️ Trigger Warning:

This episode includes discussion of betrayal, infidelity, domestic violence, sexual abuse, sex, and rape fantasies, along with themes of trauma, intimacy, and healing. Listener discretion is strongly advised. This content is intended for audiences 20 years and older.

What counts as betrayal? Is it only cheating—or can the small, everyday breaches of trust be just as damaging? And if we forgive someone… does that mean they’re automatically owed our trust again?

In this deep and powerful conversation, I’m joined by Dr. Bruce Chalmer, couples psychologist and author of Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again.

Together, we explore:

🔹 How betrayal shows up in both big and subtle ways

🔹 Why forgiveness is about liberating yourself, not restoring blind trust

🔹 What true intimacy requires—especially after trust has been broken

🔹 Sacred sex as a healing practice and how to reconnect through it

🔹 Similarities, differences, and patterns in what men and women often desire in sexual connection

🔹 Signs of emotional abuse and domestic violence—and how to identify when something isn’t just a “rough patch”

This is a brave space for those navigating the aftermath of hurt, seeking deeper connection, or learning to trust again—yourself and others.

🎧 Tune in and be empowered to heal, grow, and create love that is sacred, conscious, and true.

Connect with Alessandra Charlesworth | https://linktr.ee/empower.create.encourage

Connect with Dr. Bruce Chalmer on his website | https://brucechalmer.com