<description>&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;You are not reading the post I had prepared for today.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;The hot vomit of my pain Attacking the confusion this old gay man feels in the Rainbow tribe of 2025.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Written in blind fury.Staggeringly numb. On edge, teetering on the precipice of oblivionUnaware of its grip on my heart.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;This heart, clenched. These guts, a slithering knot. My presence in this moment; Impossible.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;The venomous edge stalks like a desperate lover.&lt;/strong&gt; Full of blame, attack, defiance, rage…&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;He’s a gaslighting lover.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Insisting my existence is at risk while this body swallows freshly cooked organic food in my cozy condo…&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;He pretends not to be here. Invisibility clever, Void of reflection, Death without renewal.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Insisting I am separate from the tribe, From the tribe of humans…&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Better than, smarter than, Wiser, kinder, gentler…&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;A poisonous muse.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Words flew with vigor from my fingertipsCharged with venomRipping open the fear in my soul Spilling blame on those closest to me…&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;For who else can withhold the sustenance I need?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;I’m on edge.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;But with eyes open, With heart open,I reluctantly acknowledge This reality is not mine alone.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;We are ALL on edge.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Who in this moment has not been abandoned by their people? Rainbow lovers eating their own, A country no longer protected by law, Workers unable to breath free, Elders forgotten and discarded, Children entering a planet on fire.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Today, I will not add more faggots to fuel of the pyre of fear and seperatrion,&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;With embarrassed reluctance, I reach out. Acknowledge the shared pain.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;I bow to my ancestors, Placed in front of me through the prayers of chosen family.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Thank you, father.Thank you, Bill Gerle. “If it’s not about love and kindness, it’s not a conversation worth having.”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;I just want to cry. The tears have been many,So many, Each one a blessing. Allowing me to fall apart in the fertile strength of known wisdom.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Only love. Only love. Only love.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Going Deep: A Gay Guide to Reality is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;/p&gt; &lt;br/&gt;&lt;br/&gt;This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit &lt;a href="https://mikegerle.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&amp;#38;utm_campaign=CTA_2"&gt;mikegerle.substack.com/subscribe&lt;/a&gt;</description>

Going Deep: A Gay Guide to Reality

Mike Gerle

On Edge

JUN 26, 20255 MIN
Going Deep: A Gay Guide to Reality

On Edge

JUN 26, 20255 MIN

Description

<p><strong>You are not reading the post I had prepared for today.</strong></p><p>The hot vomit of my pain Attacking the confusion this old gay man feels in the Rainbow tribe of 2025.</p><p>Written in blind fury.Staggeringly numb. On edge, teetering on the precipice of oblivionUnaware of its grip on my heart.</p><p>This heart, clenched. These guts, a slithering knot. My presence in this moment; Impossible.</p><p></p><p><strong>The venomous edge stalks like a desperate lover.</strong> Full of blame, attack, defiance, rage…</p><p>He’s a gaslighting lover.</p><p>Insisting my existence is at risk while this body swallows freshly cooked organic food in my cozy condo…</p><p>He pretends not to be here. Invisibility clever, Void of reflection, Death without renewal.</p><p>Insisting I am separate from the tribe, From the tribe of humans…</p><p>Better than, smarter than, Wiser, kinder, gentler…</p><p></p><p><strong>A poisonous muse.</strong></p><p>Words flew with vigor from my fingertipsCharged with venomRipping open the fear in my soul Spilling blame on those closest to me…</p><p>For who else can withhold the sustenance I need?</p><p></p><p><strong>I’m on edge.</strong></p><p>But with eyes open, With heart open,I reluctantly acknowledge This reality is not mine alone.</p><p></p><p><strong>We are ALL on edge.</strong></p><p>Who in this moment has not been abandoned by their people? Rainbow lovers eating their own, A country no longer protected by law, Workers unable to breath free, Elders forgotten and discarded, Children entering a planet on fire.</p><p>Today, I will not add more faggots to fuel of the pyre of fear and seperatrion,</p><p>With embarrassed reluctance, I reach out. Acknowledge the shared pain.</p><p>I bow to my ancestors, Placed in front of me through the prayers of chosen family.</p><p>Thank you, father.Thank you, Bill Gerle. “If it’s not about love and kindness, it’s not a conversation worth having.”</p><p>I just want to cry. The tears have been many,So many, Each one a blessing. Allowing me to fall apart in the fertile strength of known wisdom.</p><p>Only love. Only love. Only love.</p><p><p>Going Deep: A Gay Guide to Reality is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.</p></p><p></p> <br/><br/>This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit <a href="https://mikegerle.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&#38;utm_campaign=CTA_2">mikegerle.substack.com/subscribe</a>