Konversations with Karma

Self-compassion enhances well-being primarily because it deactivates the threat system, activates the self-soothing system, helps us feel more connected, and reduces feelings of isolation. Kristen Neff defined self-compassion as being comprised of three components: self- kindness versus self-judgment, a sense of common humanity versus isolation, and mindfulness versus over-identification when confronting painful self-relevant thoughts and emotions. Self-compassion involves recognizing that all humans are imperfect, that no one is infallible, everyone makes mistakes, and have serious life challenges.

3 Exercises to Improve Self-Compassion

1.     Self-Compassion Meditations- Meditation and other mindfulness practices allow you to observe how you are feeling about your suffering. Remember we cannot change what we are not aware of. 

2.     Self-Compassion Journal- Actually writing your awarenesses and experiences of your pain and suffering can allow you to see how you are responded to yourself. This allows you to write out and practice self-compassionate responses.

3.     Changing your critical self-talk- Practice paying attention to your inner critic when you make a mistake. Many times, I hear people say things like “I’m so stupid” and even though they may be joking, this self-talk reduces our ability to be self-compassionate. 

I felt guilty putting boundaries or limits in place because I felt like I was keeping people away. I’ve learned that can’t be further from the truth. Boundaries are not about keeping something or someone away but rather protecting something within. Boundaries are a clear limit set based on your own needs. 

·      Start with defining your boundaries

·      Separate the request from the relationship

·      Focus on what you will gain by saying no

·      Recognize the personal cost of saying yes

·      Be clear rather than vague and non-committal 

We also discuss 4 types of boundaries that you may need to set.

 1.     Emotional Boundaries

2.     Time Boundaries

3.     Topic Boundaries

4.     Physical Boundaries