Friend Crush with Amber Akilla

<p>youtube video: <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://youtu.be/Y9iQ_MYCIGU">https://youtu.be/Y9iQ_MYCIGU</a></p><p>never let a flop go to waste!!!!!</p><p>Hegel said that negativity is precisely what keeps existence alive. Not negativity in a psychological sense, but in a philosophical sense. You don't know what positivity is without negativity. If you only had the power to do things, you would lose the ability to not do things and rest. If you only think, then your thoughts continuously scatter and you lose the ability to reflect and contemplate. If you only slay then you are at risk of burnout and it would eventually become meaningless without the contrast of flop to anchor your slay. Friction, resistance and pain are necessary to indicate the possibilities of growth. Overly focusing on them can create the risk of unnecessary suffering. Practicing bringing awareness and intention to sovereign decision making is how we start to navigate the inevitable oscillation between flop and slay in a way that facilitates Being Hot &amp; Having Fun!!! yayayayaa</p><p></p><p>(ref: The Burnout Society by Byung-Chul Han)</p><p>The Burnout Society by Byung-Chul Han</p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://amzn.to/4xxaHy3">https://amzn.to/4xxaHy3</a> (affiliate link)</p><p></p><p>00:00 - 00:54 - intro</p><p>00:54 - 01:34 - in flop there is slay, in slay there is flop</p><p>01:34 - 02:21 - what have you been conditioned to optimize your life for</p><p>02:21 - 03:27 - the hidden cost of maximizing efficiency </p><p>03:27 - 04:49 - be selective &amp; specific about the types of challenges you are open to</p><p>04:49 - 07:01 - flopping is a training opportunity</p><p>07:01 - 08:25 - life happens in cycles</p><p>08:25 - 09:51 - maybe you haven’t flopped enough yet</p><p>09:51 - 12:26 - welcoming challenges as growth opportunities</p><p>12:26 - flop and slay is a spectrum not a binary</p><p>12:57 - social media - monitoring spirit behaviour &amp; cancel culture purity tests</p><p>13:38 - entertainment &amp; education</p><p>14:39 - hate can’t land if you’re a moving target</p><p>15:11 - which flop is your responsibility</p><p>16:54 - increase your surface area for slay</p><p>18:47 - lean into minor inconveniences</p><p>23:18 - using conflict as a training opportunity</p><p>24:25 - adjust your approach according to what’s at stake</p><p>26:12 - controlled and intentional crash outs</p><p>27:29 - knowing what you don’t like is just as important</p><p>29:03 - once you’ve been through the flop you don’t even want to think about it</p><p>29:24 - have a sense of humour </p><p></p><p>follow me on IG ☆ </p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://instagram.com/amberakilla/">https://instagram.com/amberakilla/</a></p><p></p>

<p>youtube episode: <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://youtu.be/0ShM2LgCVRE">https://youtu.be/0ShM2LgCVRE</a></p><p></p><p>some thoughts on over-thinking and rumination and how i turned my depression around!!! something that i didn't mention was to challenge myself to become more solution driven in my thinking - which was kind of the catalyst for my podcast and content! i thought, if i'm going to overthink about things then i may as well try to be coherent and in a way that could help other people. in the process i have been able to develop and evolve my thinking and my life in a way that wouldn't have been possible had i just stayed stagnant and in a mental spiral. rather than becoming over-identified with my diagnosis, i thought about it as a problem to solve/a lifestyle approach that needed adjusting in order to minimize symptoms and notice when i might be more vulnerable to unhealthy thought patterns and behaviours. break the loop!!! stop it from getting ahead of you!!! there are lots of other thoughts i can probably share in future but here is a start ~ feel free to share your own experience and tips in the comments!!!</p>

<p>i think it's called meta-cognition when you observe your internal relationships to external things... the relationship between self and object, rather than the object itself. i'm not denying the realities of oppressive systems and real harm, more like how you might be able to navigate them from a more empowered place so you can be hot &amp; have fun in a way that makes sense to you!!! ~~ as always, please share your thoughts!</p><p>00:00 - intro</p><p>03:17 - it’s not the thing itself, it’s your relationship to the thing</p><p>04:18 - being hot &amp; having fun</p><p>04:34 - connotative vs denotative interpretation</p><p>05:40 - how you perceive reality is specific to you</p><p>06:27 - adjust and redefine</p><p>06:51 - your identity is dynamic</p><p>07:10 - superficial change vs spiritual growth</p><p>07:32 - your personality is the sum of your habits</p><p>08:01 - performative slay</p><p>08:25 - radical acceptance</p><p>09:03 - optimising for FUN and EFFECTIVENESS</p><p>09:24 - doing a mental audit</p><p>09:48 - avoid defaulting to binary mental traps</p><p>10:09 - redefining your relationship to money</p><p>11:56 - redefining your relationship to love</p><p>12:53 - suspend your moral framework of unmet expectations = bad</p><p>14:37 - appreciating life beyond just what you can perceive</p><p>15:18 - redefining your relationship to power</p><p>15:41 - sidenote: virtuous suffering</p><p>16:28 - SPEAK TO THE MANAGER WITHIN</p><p>17:08 - the willingness to seek and create win-win dynamics</p><p>18:31 - diffuse your awareness and observe before assuming you have to double down on a position</p><p>19:32 - changing your relationship to beauty</p><p>22:39 diversify your sources of validation</p><p>22:51 - the skills to look hot vs cultivate self-respect are different</p><p>23:23 - notice and manage your human desire for silver bullet solutions</p><p>23:57 - embrace the process of trial and error to accumulate experience</p><p>24:26 - the fear of flop/failure is often worse than the flop itself</p><p>24:59 - the most sustainable and rewarding growth takes time and usually isnt glamorous</p><p>25:30 - redefining your relationship to your emotions</p><p>26:21 - associating discomfort with growth rather than failure</p><p>26:32 - redefining your relationship with your identity/identity markers</p><p>27:06 oppositional identity, “counterwill” and oppositional defiant disorder</p><p>28:05 - people will love &amp; hate you whether you enjoy your life or not so focus on figuring out how to enjoy it</p><p>28:43 - redefining your relationship to rest</p><p></p><p>references:</p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.theguardian.com/society/2020/mar/08/patriarchy-and-power-how-gender-inequality-underpins-abusive-behaviour">patriarchy and power: how socialisation underpins abusive behaviour</a></p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1364661325002839">Psychological drivers of gender disparities in leadership paths</a></p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/restoring-families/oppositional-defiant-disorder-in-teens/">what underlies a teen oppositional defiant disorder diagnosis </a></p><p></p><p>books (affiliate links)</p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://amzn.to/4fclpTM">The Tao of Physics by Fritijof Capra</a></p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://amzn.to/496J0SD">The Road Less Travelled by M Scott Peck</a></p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://amzn.to/496J0SD">all about love by bell hooks</a></p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://amzn.to/4nn36gF">The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf</a></p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://amzn.to/48TJgnu">Ways of Seeing by John Berger</a></p>

<p>some thoughts on how my relationship with my hometown and childhood trauma has changed over time for anyone that might be or has struggled with something similar. its not where you're from, but your relationship to the place, the memory and the role it plays in your life that matters. let me know your thoughts too! ♡</p><p></p><p></p><p>follow me on IG ☆ </p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://instagram.com/amberakilla/">https://instagram.com/amberakilla/</a></p><p></p><p>i’m on substack!!!</p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://substack.com/@amberakilla">https://substack.com/@amberakilla</a></p><p></p><p>subscribe for friend crush club groupchat, exclusive episodes &amp; perks! $3 a month, 1 week free trial! ♡</p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="http://patreon.com/amberakilla">patreon.com/amberakilla</a></p><p></p><p>slay habit trackers ☆ free download</p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle">https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle</a></p><p></p><p>The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem x Being Hot &amp; Having Fun Sentence Completion Exercises</p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem-x-being-hot-having-fun-sentence-completion">https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem-x-being-hot-having-fun-sentence-completion</a></p><p></p><p>siren songs playlist for femininity and slay <em>:･ﾟ✧</em>:･ﾟ✧</p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/46yJM6jydtkVN1XWCvlfHl?si=270318a4cc7a44a2">https://open.spotify.com/playlist/46yJM6jydtkVN1XWCvlfHl?si=270318a4cc7a44a2</a></p><p></p><p>autumn in my arms playlist !!!</p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1443BT6zmwdWnRx9nCP1tf?si=f954fb299af54270">https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1443BT6zmwdWnRx9nCP1tf?si=f954fb299af54270</a></p><p></p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://instagram.com/friend.crush/">https://instagram.com/friend.crush/</a></p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://substack.com/@amberakilla/">https://substack.com/@amberakilla/</a></p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla">https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla</a></p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla">https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla</a></p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://twitter.com/amberakilla">https://twitter.com/amberakilla</a></p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla">https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla</a></p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla">https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla</a></p>

<p>youtube episode: <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://youtu.be/Jer_eAG1q1s">https://youtu.be/Jer_eAG1q1s</a></p><p>everyone is creating, everyone is creative!!! your desire to create is valid whether you pursue it as a hobby, side-quest, side-hustle or a career! one creative skill might take many forms in different stages of your life. sharing my thoughts and observations based on my own personal experience on how you can explore, refine and navigate your creativity, your career and the creative industry. i think even if you don't work in the creative industry this same model can apply to different disciplines too.</p><p></p><p>00:00</p><p>00:58 - being creative is inherent to the human experience</p><p>03:50 - intro to quadrant diagram</p><p>04:47 - high visibility x creative freedom</p><p>05:19 - industry x high visibility</p><p>05:32 - industry x low visibility </p><p>06:20 - creative freedom x low visibility </p><p>06:46 - pedestaling of high visibility x industry careers</p><p>07:48 - get to know yourself before assuming there is only one version of success</p><p>09:25 - mapping the terrain and navigating accordingly</p><p>09:59 - pros &amp; cons to every quadrants</p><p>10:05 - high visibility x industry</p><p>11:05 - industry x low visibility </p><p>12:13 - creative freedom x low visibility </p><p>13:09 - high visibility x creative freedom</p><p>14:28 - advice for young/aspiring creatives</p><p>15:36 - now is the best time to flop</p><p>16:49 - the challenge and the process has to become as rewarding as the outcome</p><p>17:46 - taste makers vs trend followers</p><p>19:00 - try different approaches, embrace different opportunities</p><p>21:38 - focus on doing before refining strategy </p><p>22:24 - you should be creating more than you are complaining</p><p>22:55 - being hot &amp; having fun creative philosophy</p><p>24:04 - proof of concept, get experience</p><p>25:29 - learn how to communicate and present your work</p>