<description>&lt;p&gt;i think it's called meta-cognition when you observe your internal relationships to external things... the relationship between self and object, rather than the object itself. i'm not denying the realities of oppressive systems and real harm, more like how you might be able to navigate them from a more empowered place so you can be hot &amp;amp; have fun in a way that makes sense to you!!! ~~ as always, please share your thoughts!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;00:00 - intro&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;03:17 - it’s not the thing itself, it’s your relationship to the thing&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;04:18 - being hot &amp;amp; having fun&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;04:34 - connotative vs denotative interpretation&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;05:40 - how you perceive reality is specific to you&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;06:27 - adjust and redefine&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;06:51 - your identity is dynamic&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;07:10 - superficial change vs spiritual growth&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;07:32 - your personality is the sum of your habits&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;08:01 - performative slay&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;08:25 - radical acceptance&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;09:03 - optimising for FUN and EFFECTIVENESS&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;09:24 - doing a mental audit&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;09:48 - avoid defaulting to binary mental traps&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;10:09 - redefining your relationship to money&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;11:56 - redefining your relationship to love&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;12:53 - suspend your moral framework of unmet expectations = bad&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;14:37 - appreciating life beyond just what you can perceive&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;15:18 - redefining your relationship to power&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;15:41 - sidenote: virtuous suffering&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;16:28 - SPEAK TO THE MANAGER WITHIN&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;17:08 - the willingness to seek and create win-win dynamics&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;18:31 - diffuse your awareness and observe before assuming you have to double down on a position&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;19:32 - changing your relationship to beauty&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;22:39 diversify your sources of validation&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;22:51 - the skills to look hot vs cultivate self-respect are different&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;23:23 - notice and manage your human desire for silver bullet solutions&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;23:57 - embrace the process of trial and error to accumulate experience&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;24:26 - the fear of flop/failure is often worse than the flop itself&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;24:59 - the most sustainable and rewarding growth takes time and usually isnt glamorous&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;25:30 - redefining your relationship to your emotions&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;26:21 - associating discomfort with growth rather than failure&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;26:32 - redefining your relationship with your identity/identity markers&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;27:06 oppositional identity, “counterwill” and oppositional defiant disorder&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;28:05 - people will love &amp;amp; hate you whether you enjoy your life or not so focus on figuring out how to enjoy it&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;28:43 - redefining your relationship to rest&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;references:&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.theguardian.com/society/2020/mar/08/patriarchy-and-power-how-gender-inequality-underpins-abusive-behaviour"&gt;patriarchy and power: how socialisation underpins abusive behaviour&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1364661325002839"&gt;Psychological drivers of gender disparities in leadership paths&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/restoring-families/oppositional-defiant-disorder-in-teens/"&gt;what underlies a teen oppositional defiant disorder diagnosis &lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;books (affiliate links)&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://amzn.to/4fclpTM"&gt;The Tao of Physics by Fritijof Capra&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://amzn.to/496J0SD"&gt;The Road Less Travelled by M Scott Peck&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://amzn.to/496J0SD"&gt;all about love by bell hooks&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://amzn.to/4nn36gF"&gt;The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://amzn.to/48TJgnu"&gt;Ways of Seeing by John Berger&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;</description>

Friend Crush with Amber Akilla

Amber Akilla

it's not the thing, it's your relationship to the thing: rewiring your brain

MAY 12, 202629 MIN
Friend Crush with Amber Akilla

it's not the thing, it's your relationship to the thing: rewiring your brain

MAY 12, 202629 MIN

Description

<p>i think it's called meta-cognition when you observe your internal relationships to external things... the relationship between self and object, rather than the object itself. i'm not denying the realities of oppressive systems and real harm, more like how you might be able to navigate them from a more empowered place so you can be hot &amp; have fun in a way that makes sense to you!!! ~~ as always, please share your thoughts!</p><p>00:00 - intro</p><p>03:17 - it’s not the thing itself, it’s your relationship to the thing</p><p>04:18 - being hot &amp; having fun</p><p>04:34 - connotative vs denotative interpretation</p><p>05:40 - how you perceive reality is specific to you</p><p>06:27 - adjust and redefine</p><p>06:51 - your identity is dynamic</p><p>07:10 - superficial change vs spiritual growth</p><p>07:32 - your personality is the sum of your habits</p><p>08:01 - performative slay</p><p>08:25 - radical acceptance</p><p>09:03 - optimising for FUN and EFFECTIVENESS</p><p>09:24 - doing a mental audit</p><p>09:48 - avoid defaulting to binary mental traps</p><p>10:09 - redefining your relationship to money</p><p>11:56 - redefining your relationship to love</p><p>12:53 - suspend your moral framework of unmet expectations = bad</p><p>14:37 - appreciating life beyond just what you can perceive</p><p>15:18 - redefining your relationship to power</p><p>15:41 - sidenote: virtuous suffering</p><p>16:28 - SPEAK TO THE MANAGER WITHIN</p><p>17:08 - the willingness to seek and create win-win dynamics</p><p>18:31 - diffuse your awareness and observe before assuming you have to double down on a position</p><p>19:32 - changing your relationship to beauty</p><p>22:39 diversify your sources of validation</p><p>22:51 - the skills to look hot vs cultivate self-respect are different</p><p>23:23 - notice and manage your human desire for silver bullet solutions</p><p>23:57 - embrace the process of trial and error to accumulate experience</p><p>24:26 - the fear of flop/failure is often worse than the flop itself</p><p>24:59 - the most sustainable and rewarding growth takes time and usually isnt glamorous</p><p>25:30 - redefining your relationship to your emotions</p><p>26:21 - associating discomfort with growth rather than failure</p><p>26:32 - redefining your relationship with your identity/identity markers</p><p>27:06 oppositional identity, “counterwill” and oppositional defiant disorder</p><p>28:05 - people will love &amp; hate you whether you enjoy your life or not so focus on figuring out how to enjoy it</p><p>28:43 - redefining your relationship to rest</p><p></p><p>references:</p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.theguardian.com/society/2020/mar/08/patriarchy-and-power-how-gender-inequality-underpins-abusive-behaviour">patriarchy and power: how socialisation underpins abusive behaviour</a></p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1364661325002839">Psychological drivers of gender disparities in leadership paths</a></p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/restoring-families/oppositional-defiant-disorder-in-teens/">what underlies a teen oppositional defiant disorder diagnosis </a></p><p></p><p>books (affiliate links)</p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://amzn.to/4fclpTM">The Tao of Physics by Fritijof Capra</a></p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://amzn.to/496J0SD">The Road Less Travelled by M Scott Peck</a></p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://amzn.to/496J0SD">all about love by bell hooks</a></p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://amzn.to/4nn36gF">The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf</a></p><p><a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://amzn.to/48TJgnu">Ways of Seeing by John Berger</a></p>