The Psychology of your 20s

On today's episode we bring on the wonderful, Katy Bellotte, to discuss everything love, dating and relationship in our 20s. We discuss what it feels like to have never had a relationship in your 20s, the milestone anxiety and societal pressure that makes us to feel like we need to settle for someone we're not fully committed to, feeling behind and what it feels like to finally find the one. Katy also talks moving to New York City, what it's like to live your life online and managing expectations around social media. Listen now! 

We all know the feeling of oversharing at a party or work function and feeling the sting of embarrassment and shame the next day. So why do we feel the need to overshare with others, even though it has emotional and mental consequences? In this episode we explore the psychology of oversharing, from the difference between trauma dumping and authenticity, why oversharing soothes our social anxiety or can be used subconsciously to fast-track a relationship. We also discuss the links to ADHD and the emotional aftermath, particularly the experience of a 'vulnerability hangover', as well as my 5 key tips to stop oversharing. Listen now. 

One of the hardest dilemmas we have to face is when it's time to walk away from someone you still love because you know the relationship isn’t right for you. We can often find ourselves stuck in a constant battle between knowing what is right, and what our heart wants us to do. In this episode we break down the five key signs its time to walk away, particularly for those of us in our 20s, and why these reasons matter the most, exploring ideas of: 

• Fatal Attraction Theory
• The biology behind our 'gut instinct' 
• The Reciprocity Principle 
• Equity Theory 
• Sunk costs 
• Expectant thinking 
• Fear of being lonely or of the unknown

We also explore why we find it so difficult, the reasons that hold us back, including as the stigma around being the one to initiate the breakup and feeling like a failure for your relationship not working out. 

You should not be with someone who is not adding to your life in your 20s. This is your time to be your own person, to prioritise exactly what is going to make YOU happy, not stay out of obligation or because of fear, family pressure or expectations. Is this the life you want, with this person? Are they making you the best version of yourself? Are they making you happy? Why don’t you deserve someone who does, even if it takes a while and is a bit scary. 

This is a question I have been asking myself a lot recently as someone who is VERY invested in the self-help space. Have we reached a point where we are too aware of our problems, faults, thoughts, actions and behaviours? Self awareness can free us from so many mental restrictions, it allows us to make better decisions, be a better friend, a better person, invest in our dreams and values. But at some point, we can reach a stage where we are too invested in self-reflection and introspection that it interrupts our enjoyment of the moment, can isolate us or even result in obsessive overthinking and rumination. In this episode we explore what it means to be self-aware and how online self help content might be causing us more harm than good. Listen now. 

Many of us battle with a deep-rooted fear and anxiety that those we love will leave us. Maybe we have been hurt in a past relationship, or witnessed a messy divorce or the passing of ones we love and we have unconsciously learned to associated vulnerability, intimacy and love with pain and disappointment. This fear of abandonment can cause us to sabotage otherwise perfectly healthy relationships or to push people away out of an irrational fear they will leave us, only to end up just as alone as if they had. In this episode we explore the following: 

• What is the root cause of the fear of abandonment?
• The different types of abandonment reactions - the saboteur, the clingy, the avoidant and the serial dater 
• Links to codependency and emotional unavailability 
• How to heal our abandonment wounds 

We all want to accept others into out lives and trust the people we love will stay by our side so if you're struggling with an irrational fear or anxiety of abandonment, listen now.