Flip Your Mindset

DEC 15, 2025

Ep 163: How to finally silence your inner critic

True story:My guest today, Tosca DiMatteo, was born with a cleft lip and palate.As a kid, she dealt with painful surgeries and years of speech therapy.But the hardest part wasn’t the physical pain...It was the emotional sting of watching other kids walk away from her once they saw her face.She felt different.She felt “less than”.So she made a subconscious decision...If she couldn’t be the “pretty” one, she was going to be the “smart” one.She spent years over-giving, over-performing, and accepting breadcrumbs in relationships just to prove her worth.Moral of the story is:You don’t need a physical scar to feel this way.Most of us have what I call an “Itty Bitty Shitty Committee” living in our heads.It’s a drill sergeant constantly telling us we aren’t enough... and that we have to hustle just to be accepted.That’s why I’m so excited about this week’s episode.On the latest episode of Flip Your Mindset, Tosca and I go deep on how to finally transform your relationship with that inner critic.We break down the “three trip wires” that hook people up:* Not feeling enough* Believing being different is bad* And believing success isn’t available to youPlus, we talk about how to stop abandoning yourself to please others...And how to retrain your brain to feel safe being your authentic self.If you’re ready to kick that committee out of your head and reclaim your confidence...<a target="_blank" href="https://youtu.be/4_ucaV_l0S0">Then tap the link below to listen to the full conversation now:</a>See you there,Stacey Urig This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit <a href="https://flipyourmindset.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2">flipyourmindset.substack.com/subscribe</a>

52 MIN

DEC 8, 2025

Ep 162: Is It Burnout or a Nervous Breakdown? (And How to Reconnect with Your Body)

We often wear our exhaustion like a badge of honor. In a culture that glorifies the “grind,” admitting you are tired can feel like a weakness. But what happens when that tiredness goes beyond needing a nap and becomes a complete systemic shutdown?In this episode of Flip Your Mindset, I sat down with Deidre Gestrin, a licensed mental health professional and founder of Abundant Wellness Essentials. Deidre isn’t just an expert on paper; she has navigated three severe episodes of burnout herself. Her experience led her to a crucial realization: to truly heal, you must treat the mind and body as one.If you have ever felt like your capacity to handle life has suddenly vanished, or if you are a high achiever running on fumes, this conversation is for you.Recommended Resource: If you are tired of coping strategies that don’t last, check out this <a target="_blank" href="https://www.flipyourmindset.com/masterclass">free 15-minute masterclass</a>. It breaks down the biology of anxiety and teaches you a somatic tool to reset your nervous system immediately.Redefining the Crash: Burnout vs. BreakdownWe tend to think of burnout as simply needing a vacation. However, Deidre defines it as functioning in a state of chronic stress for so long that you begin to question what you are doing and feel a sense of detachment or depersonalization.I often refer to my own experiences with burnout as “nervous breakdowns”. While that term might sound intense, it is accurate from a nervous system perspective. When we stay in a hyper-vigilant, “fight or flight” state for too long, our system eventually decides it can no longer outrun the threat. It shuts down. This is often why, during extreme burnout, you might not feel sad, you might just feel nothing at all, a state known as dorsal vagal shutdown.Deidre agrees that these experiences exist on a continuum. When chronic stress keeps your nervous system activated without relief, your body eventually stops functioning correctly.The Physical Cost of Ignoring the SignsOne of the most powerful takeaways from this episode is that burnout is never just “in your head.” It manifests physically.* Deidre’s Experience: Before her crash, she developed arthritis in her mid-30s. By the end, she physically hit a wall where she couldn’t walk 100 feet or stand for more than a few minutes without pain.* My Experience: Similarly, I was diagnosed with seronegative rheumatoid arthritis in my 40s.We both realized that these physical ailments were manifestations of deep inflammation caused by unprocessed emotions and chronic stress. As Deidre points out, you cannot separate the mind from the body. If you are ignoring your emotional health, your physical health will eventually force you to pay attention.Why Do We Do This to Ourselves?If burnout is so painful, why do we drive ourselves toward it? We discussed the “engine” beneath the hustle. Often, high achievers are driven by core beliefs formed in childhood, such as:* “I have to say yes to feel valued.”* “If I set boundaries, people will leave me.”* “I am responsible for everyone else’s happiness.”For many of us, high achievement is actually a pursuit of safety or validation. We might dissociate or “freeze” to cope with stress, effectively disconnecting from our own bodies. This makes it easy to ignore the warning signs until it is too late.How to Start Healing (Keep It Simple)If you feel like you are on the edge of a cliff, the solution isn’t a complicated, elaborate plan. In fact, Deidre emphasizes that your nervous system needs simple and doable strategies.Here are three steps to start preventing or recovering from burnout:* Reconnect with Your Body: You cannot heal what you cannot feel. Start paying attention to subtle changes in your body and listen to them. If you are anxious, where do you feel it?* Protect Your Sleep: This is a non-negotiable. Sleep is often the first thing we sacrifice, but it is essential for recovery.* Set Boundaries: You have to decide what is most important. Prioritize your tasks and recognize that you cannot do it all.A Special Offer for ListenersHealing requires us to look at the root causes of our stress, not just the symptoms. If you are ready to find a path forward, Deidre is offering a free 30-minute consultation for our listeners to help you identify where to start.You can book your consultation at <a target="_blank" href="https://abundantwellnessessentials.com/">https://abundantwellnessessentials.com</a> This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit <a href="https://flipyourmindset.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2">flipyourmindset.substack.com/subscribe</a>

52 MIN

DEC 1, 2025

Ep 161: The Myth of the “Social Clock” (and What Happens When It Breaks)

Do you ever feel behind?There is a pervasive, silent pressure many of us feel—the idea that we are supposed to be at a certain career level by 30, married by another age, and owning a home soon after. If we miss these invisible deadlines, we feel like we are failing.In this week’s episode, my guest calls this pressure the “social clock.” It is the belief that “I’m supposed to be here at this age... and if I’m not, I’m a failure”.We build our lives around this scaffolding to guide us toward “success,” but we rarely stop to ask if the scaffolding itself is structurally sound or just an arbitrary, man-made concept.My guest on this episode, Ted Neill, knows firsthand what happens when that scaffolding collapses.At 34 years old, Ted seemed to have an enviable setup. After a career setback, he had secured a rare full-ride scholarship for an MBA program and was working at the university. Yet, despite these achievements, he was internalizing deep feelings of failure. He had been laid off and was wrestling with societal concepts of masculinity and what it means to be a “provider”.“It’s amazing the way depression messes with your head,” he tells me in the episode. “There are so many things that I had going for me... But all I could see was that as a failure”.This disconnect between his external reality and his internal state led to a harrowing mental health crisis. In this incredibly vulnerable conversation, Ted shares the timeline of a year-long spiral into suicidal ideation, which began in 2011 and intensified until the impulse to end his life was a constant presence in his mind.We also explore the deep roots of this pain, touching on the profound trauma he experienced years prior while working in an orphanage. Witnessing the death of innocent children from preventable diseases “broke” the religious framework he had inherited and left him with lasting survivor’s guilt—a feeling that he had abandoned children he couldn’t save.This episode is a difficult but necessary listen. It challenges us to examine how much we rely on external rewards and validation to feel a sense of “enoughness”.If you have ever felt crushed by the weight of expectation or felt like you are falling behind a schedule you never agreed to, this conversation is for you. It’s time to smash the social clock.About the GuestTed NeillTed Neill is a mental health advocate, writer, and speaker who openly shares his journey of healing and recovery. A former hospice nurse’s aide and international aid worker, Ted’s experiences in Kenya and other regions informed his master’s in public health and his subsequent career with organizations like Care, Save the Children, and UNICEF. After a personal crisis led to a hospitalization for depression and suicidal ideation, Ted began the work of processing his past trauma. He is the author of the memoir Two Years of Wonder, which chronicles his time working in an orphanage, and 20 Years of Unraveling, which details his experience as a whistleblower and his healing journey.* Website: <a target="_blank" href="https://tedneillauthor.com/">tedneillauthor.com</a>* Books: Two Years of Wonder and 20 Years of UnravelingIf you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, help is available. Dial 988 in the US and Canada, or dial 111 in the UK. These services are free, confidential, and available 24/7. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit <a href="https://flipyourmindset.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2">flipyourmindset.substack.com/subscribe</a>

46 MIN

NOV 24, 2025

Ep 160: “I Thought I Broke My Child”: The Truth About Anxiety, Trauma, and the Resilience Myth.

In 1989, Stacy Schaffer was 11 years old. She was an A-student, a perfectionist, and on the surface, she looked “fine.”But at home, she was hiding in a closet. She was surviving the silence of sexual abuse she had tried to report but wasn’t believed. Her mother, battling her own demons and illness, didn’t know how to handle a child who was internally collapsing.So, she paid four men $100 to come into Stacy’s room in the middle of the night, pull her out of bed, and take her away to a wilderness facility.It was what was known in the industry as a “Goon Grab.”Stacy wasn’t “healed” by this. She was trafficked into a system that stripped her of her voice. And yet, decades later, Stacy is now a renowned children’s therapist helping a new generation of kids who feel unseen, unheard, and unsafe.In this week’s episode of Flip Your Mindset, I sat down with Stacy to talk about the “anxiety epidemic,” but we ended up talking about something much deeper: The cost of silence.Here are the three hardest truths we uncovered in our conversation.1. The “Resilience” LieWe love to say, “Kids are resilient.” It makes us feel better as adults. It absolves us of the guilt that our chaos, or the world’s chaos, is hurting them.Stacy stopped me dead in my tracks with this:“We say kids are resilient... but the kids aren’t fine. What choice do they have? They have to survive. But they aren’t fine.”We are raising a generation whose nervous systems are constantly hijacked. Stacy works in the school district of Evergreen High (site of a recent shooting threat). She told me heartbreaking stories of students who won’t use the bathroom at school because they are terrified a lockdown will start while they are in the stall, leaving them trapped in the hallway.They aren’t just “worried.” They are living in a biological state of threat. When we tell them “It’s going to be okay,” we are gaslighting their reality.2. You Cannot Parent a Modern Child with 1990s LogicA common refrain parents use is, “I was a kid once, too. I get it.”Stacy’s advice? Stop saying that.You were a kid in a world without social media algorithms, active shooter drills, and Life360 tracking your every move. When you tell a child “I understand,” they shut down because they know you don’t.The gap between your childhood and theirs is a canyon. If you try to bridge it with your own nostalgia, you will miss the person standing right in front of you.3. Stop Silencing Your Inner ChildThis was the “lightbulb moment” of the episode. Stacy admitted that for years, she “shushed” the little girl inside her—the one who was hurt at 3, the one who was kidnapped at 11—so she could be the “shiny, professional” therapist.But you cannot help a child regulate their emotions if you are suppressing your own.If you find yourself having a level 10 reaction to a level 2 problem (screaming at your kid for spilled milk, raging at a disrespectful tone), that is not “adult you” reacting. That is your inner child, screaming to be heard because they weren’t heard 20 years ago.The One Question That Changes EverythingIf you feel like you are losing connection with your child (or even a partner), Stacy offered a script that is more powerful than any advice I’ve heard in years.Instead of trying to fix it, or saying “I know how you feel,” ask this:“Help me understand what it’s like to be you.”And then? Listen. Don’t correct them. Don’t offer a silver lining. Just let them be seen.Because as Stacy’s story proves, the most traumatic thing isn’t always the event itself—it’s having to go through it alone, unseen, and unheard.📖 Read Stacy’s Book: With Love from a Children’s Therapist is available now. It is part memoir, part guide, and fully heartbreaking and healing. <a target="_blank" href="https://www.amazon.com/Love-Childrens-Therapist-lessonsihavelearnedalongtheway/dp/1964251516">Get it here</a>.Take the Assessment: Are you wondering what hidden patterns are holding you back? Take the free HURT assessment at <a target="_blank" href="https://www.flipyourmindset.com/hurrt">flipyourmindset.com/hurt</a>.— Stacey Uhrig This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit <a href="https://flipyourmindset.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2">flipyourmindset.substack.com/subscribe</a>

51 MIN

NOV 17, 2025

Ep 159: She Jumped Out of Helicopters, But Was Terrified of Being Seen: Healing "Silence Over Violence" with Angie Hawkins

My guest on the Flip Your Mindset podcast this week, Angie Hawkins, has done things most of us only see in movies. She’s jumped out of helicopters Navy Seal style. She’s bungee jumped off cliffs.And yet, as she told me, she was still terrified of being truly seen.How can both of these things be true? How can someone be so physically brave yet so internally frightened?The answer, as we explored in this raw and vulnerable episode, often lies in an invisible, insidious wound. It’s a concept I talk about often: “Silence over Violence.”It’s the idea that trauma doesn’t always come from overt, “big T” events of abuse or aggression. Sometimes, the deepest wounds come from the silence—from emotional neglect. It’s the pain of not being seen, heard, or valued by the people who were supposed to be our world.For Angie, this “silence” was the emotionally unavailable home she grew up in. It created a single, devastating core belief that dictated her entire life: “I don’t deserve to be loved.”This is the exact kind of hidden pattern that can go undetected for decades. You tell yourself, “My childhood was fine,” or “Other people had it so much worse,” and you gaslight yourself into believing you don’t have a reason to feel so stuck.This is why this episode is sponsored by the H.U.R.R.T. self-assessment.If you’ve ever felt that disconnect—that “on paper” your life is fine, but you’re still struggling—this tool is for you. It’s a free assessment I designed to help you gain clarity on your emotional well-being and discover hidden patterns from past experiences that might be holding you back.It’s not about blame; it’s about understanding. You cannot heal what you don’t understand.Discover your results for free at: <a target="_blank" href="https://www.google.com/search?q=https://flipyourmindset.com/hurt">flipyourmindset.com/hurt</a>For Angie, that one core belief (”I’m not lovable”) became a self-fulfilling prophecy. It turned her into a high-achieving people-pleaser, desperately searching for the external validation she never got as a child.She built a life that looked impressive from the outside, but inside, her light was dimming.She moved to Hawaii for a fresh start, only to find you can’t outrun yourself. A series of back-to-back-to-back stressors, a potential job loss, a condo flood, a breakup during COVID, piled up until her “Window of Tolerance” completely snapped shut.We talk a lot about this “window” in the episode. When we’re regulated, our window is wide, and we can handle life’s ups and downs. But Angie, like so many of us, was living in a state of constant, low-grade threat.* She was hypervigilant (chronic anxiety, “I must and I have to”).* Then she’d crash into hypovigilance (depression, “I just can’t anymore”).It was in that “I just can’t anymore” state, feeling completely hopeless, that Angie intentionally overdosed on her anxiety medication.That, she says, is what finally “cracked open everything.”Waking up in the hospital, she called a friend and said, “I can’t believe I didn’t die.” Her friend’s response changed her life: “It’s not your time.”That was the hook. The realization that she had a purpose. It was the start of her “healing journey in earnest.”She finally found a coach who did what talk therapy hadn’t: he gave her actionable, behavior-based homework. He taught her how to set boundaries, how to show up confidently. Through doing, her beliefs began to change.Now, Angie is an “Inner Glow Coach” herself, and she shared her GLOW Method with us. It’s a beautiful, simple framework for coming back home to yourself:* Go back to your childhood (to find the root).* Light yourself up (rekindling joy and what you love).* Overcome external validation (the big one).* Welcome yourself back home (it’s not about fixing you, it’s about finding you).This conversation is a powerful reminder that our rock-bottom moments, while terrifying, can also be the catalyst for the most beautiful transformations. Angie’s story is a testament to the fact that you are worthy of a happy and fulfilling life, even if you don’t believe it right now.You can listen to our full conversation here: [Link to Podcast Episode]And Angie is generously offering listeners a free 60-minute “Find Your Glow” Session. You can book your call and find her memoir, Running in Slippers, at <a target="_blank" href="https://www.google.com/search?q=https://runninginslippers.com">runninginslippers.com</a>.A Question for You...I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.What was an “invisible rule” from your childhood that you only recently realized was holding you back?Thank you for being here. Remember, you cannot heal what you don’t understand.— Stacey This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit <a href="https://flipyourmindset.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2">flipyourmindset.substack.com/subscribe</a>

55 MIN

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