Stephanie digs into the deeper meaning behind that restless, unsettled feeling so many people experience in their thirties and forties. Instead of considering midlife a crisis, she reframes it as a natural emotional upgrade, the moment when your inner world starts demanding a better fit with the life you built. Drawing on insights from her conversation with Dr. Deborah Heiser, Stephanie explores how curiosity, subtraction, and a simple what if question can turn confusion into clarity. If you are sensing a shift, feeling misaligned, or wondering what comes next, this episode will help you understand what is happening and why you are more ready for change than you think.

Connect

What if midlife isn’t a crisis at all, but an upgrade you never knew you were getting? In this episode, Stephanie sits down with Dr. Deborah Heiser, a psychologist and midlife specialist who believes our forties mark the moment we finally step into our deepest emotional power. Together, they cover why so many people feel unsettled during this season of life; how to tell when you’ve outgrown the path you’re on; and the surprising science that shows our emotional well-being only gets better with age. If you’re standing at the edge of change and wondering what comes next, this conversation will give you language, perspective, and permission to imagine something more.

Guest Bio 

Dr. Deborah Heiser is an applied developmental psychologist, the CEO/Founder of The Mentor Project, and author of The Mentorship Edge. She is a TEDx speaker, member of Marshall Goldsmith 100 Coaches, Thinkers 50 Radar List, expert contributor to Psychology Today and is also an Adjunct Professor.

Turning 40 and asking ‘what if’

What happens when a lifelong researcher stops studying everything no one wants to have and instead turns her attention toward what we get to look forward to as we age? For Dr. Deborah Heiser, the answer was a midlife awakening that liberated her from expectations, perfectionism, and the need for a safety net. In her early forties, she left a secure and prestigious research career to build a new life rooted in purpose, fulfillment, and the belief that emotional growth continues long after our bodies start to creak. She discovered that midlife isn’t a crisis, it’s a transition, and it is rich with potential if we’re willing to ask one simple question: what if?

In this warm and energizing conversation, Deborah and Stephanie explore the emotional arc of adulthood, the surprising freedom that comes with experience, and why midlife may be the happiest, most meaningful chapter yet.

Episode Highlights

• How Deborah walked away from a secure research career at 40 to pursue meaning, joy, and a new definition of success.
• The surprising freedom that comes from realizing the “tightrope” of big life changes is actually close to the ground.
• The shift from relying on external authority to trusting your own experience and expertise.
• Why the emotional trajectory of life goes up even as the physical one goes down.
• Midlife transitions vs. midlife crisis: how changing the language opens new possibilities.
• How cultural norms have shifted since the 1970s, and what Millennials bring to the midlife conversation.
• The power of asking “What if?” to reveal possibilities, uncover desires, and subtract what no longer serves you.
• Why fulfillment becomes non-negotiable in your forties, and how to follow the internal cues that point you toward it.

This conversation takes an insightful deep dive into the emotional transition of midlife, guided by someone who has both studied it and lived it. Stephanie and Deborah unpack why our forties often spark a shift toward fulfillment, autonomy, and self-trust, and how curiosity, not crisis, is the real engine behind change. Through stories, science, and a few well-placed laughs, they reframe midlife as an exciting developmental stage where we get to rethink our choices, reclaim our authority, and create lives that feel good from the inside out.

If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, follow, and share The Big Four Oh so more people can discover what this transition is really all about.

Guest Resources

When Lauren Hayes became a mother in her mid-30s, her fierce independence and lifelong people-pleasing suddenly collided. Parenthood cracked open old patterns she didn’t know were running the show, like the “funny” family story about her as a child that led to the belief that she had to earn love to be worthy of it. Through therapy, self-inquiry, and later, an unexpected exploration of ethical non-monogamy with her husband, Lauren began to uncover what authentic love and connection actually feel like. In this candid, funny, and deeply human conversation, she shares how healing her “little-t” trauma helped her trust her own voice, redefine intimacy, and finally stop hustling for approval.

Guest Bio 

Lauren Hayes is speaker, author and relationship coach specializing in supporting ethically non-monogamous (ENM) couples, including swingers and the ENM-curious. She helps couples navigate and engage the swinging and non-monogamous community in the healthiest of ways. She holds the perspective that non-monogamous relationships share the same foundations of any healthy relationship, however, they need to operate at a higher level of health to accommodate the additional complexities. Her approach aims to help couples build their ideal relationship, regardless of whether or how many others it includes. She also brings personal experience to her coaching having been married for 20+ years and ENM (swingers) for the last 6+ years.

Turning 40 and Rewriting the Rules of Love

Lauren Hayes shares a story of courage, curiosity, and radical honesty. From an early childhood experience that left her believing she had to earn love, Lauren built a life of high achievement and independence. But when motherhood stripped away her identity and marriage revealed deep emotional patterns, she began the hard work of healing. That healing eventually led her, and her husband, to explore non-monogamy, a journey that brought her closer to self-acceptance, intimacy, and personal freedom than she’d ever known. Now a relationship coach and author, Lauren shares how learning to trust her own voice and desires transformed not just her marriage but her sense of self.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• How a “funny” childhood story revealed the root of a lifelong belief that she had to earn love
• The surprising ways people-pleasing shows up even in adulthood and marriage
• What happens when independence becomes a trauma response instead of a strength
• How becoming a mother cracked open her identity and forced her to redefine “being enough”
• What ethical non-monogamy is, and what it isn’t
• How exploring non-traditional relationships can become a path to deep personal growth
• The empowerment that comes from embracing your sexuality and using your voice

Lauren’s midlife transformation story is an invitation to examine the stories we tell ourselves about love, worth, and belonging. What began as a journey to fix what wasn’t working turned into an awakening to her own inner truth. Through therapy, personal growth, and open-hearted exploration, she discovered that love rooted in authenticity and self-knowledge is more fulfilling than love earned through approval or performance. Her story is proof that midlife isn’t a crisis: it’s a chance to rewrite the script and live in alignment with who you truly are.

If you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to rate, follow, and share The Big Four Oh Podcast; it helps more people find these conversations about transformation, truth, and growth.

Guest Resources

If your life looks fine on paper but feels off on the inside, you should probably tune in for the Season 8 opener of The Big Four Oh, in which Stephanie McLaughlin shines a light on the very real midlife transition that nobody warns you about. Stephanie breaks down how midlife forces us to pause, listen, and rebuild from the inside out. With humor, honesty, and hard-won wisdom, she explains why everything that’s coming apart might actually be coming together. If you’ve been wondering, is this all there is?, this conversation is for you.

Season 8: The Truth About the Midlife Transition

Stephanie McLaughlin kicks off Season 8 of The Big Four Oh with a warm, wise, and funny solo episode that unpacks what really happens during the midlife transition. Forget the tired “midlife crisis” cliché; there are no red sports cars or blonde secretaries named Muffy here. Instead, Stephanie shares the real story: how our 40s invite us to pause, reevaluate, and rebuild our lives from the inside out. Drawing on lessons from Season 7’s guests, she maps out what midlife transformation actually looks like: messy, revealing, full of friction, and ultimately full of grace.

In this episode, Stephanie explores:

• The moment “The Ick” sets in; when life still looks fine on paper but feels off inside
• The shift from achievement mode to alignment mode, and why your old definition of success might no longer fit
• How subconscious rules and patterns formed in childhood quietly shape adult life
• The power of pausing, whether it’s intentional or forced by burnout, loss, or exhaustion
• Why stillness isn’t failure, but the space to find where your next chapter begins
• How creativity becomes a tool for healing and rebuilding confidence
• What it means to anchor your worth internally instead of chasing external validation

This episode is your midlife decoder ring; a guide to what’s breaking, what’s being rebuilt, and what it all means. Stephanie walks you through the patterns that surfaced in Season 7’s conversations and sets the tone for Season 8. It’s a compassionate, funny, and refreshingly real look at how midlife isn’t a crisis, but a renovation, and why you’re not late, you’re right on time for your own life.

If you enjoy the show, please rate, follow, and share The Big Four Oh wherever you listen. It helps other people find the podcast, and reminds them they’re not alone on this midlife journey.

Do you have the Midlife Ick? 

When Terry Tateossian hit her late 30s, she was running a successful marketing agency, raising two kids, and running herself into the ground. Two hospital visits later, she realized her body was sending a message she could no longer ignore. In this conversation, Terry shares her journey from overwork and denial to deep self-awareness and healing. She opens up about escaping communism as a child, building a career from scratch, and finally learning how to slow down and reconnect with herself. Her story is raw, insightful, and a powerful reminder that sometimes the bravest thing we can do is stop running and start listening.

Guest Bio 

Terry Tateossian—a midlife health coach, certified trainer, nutritionist, and host of How Good Can It Get.Terry’s story of how she lost over 80 pounds in her mid-40s and transformed every area of her life — while running a business and raising a family — speaks directly to women going through midlife transitions. Her message is clear: your most impactful chapter may still be ahead.

Turning 40 and healing the workaholic

Terry Tateossian’s story begins in communist Bulgaria and stretches all the way to the boardrooms of Fortune 100 companies. By her late 30s, she achieved what many would call “success,” a booming marketing agency, two children, and a tireless work ethic. But that relentless drive came with a cost: two hospitalizations, burnout, and a total disconnection from herself. Her midlife transformation began not with another business plan, but with a reckoning with her body. Through deep inner work, Terry learned to stop running on survival mode and instead reconnect with the parts of herself she’d long silenced. 

Episode Highlights

• From refugee to entrepreneur: Terry’s early life in a Bulgarian refugee camp taught her survival, grit, and resourcefulness, skills that would later fuel her success.
• Workaholism disguised as strength: As she built her business empire, Terry’s need for control and constant motion masked deeper wounds from childhood loss and trauma.
• The wake-up call: Two terrifying hospital visits in her 30s finally made her listen to her body after decades of ignoring it.
• The bull and the baby: Terry shares a powerful metaphor for healing the “bull” that once protected her and the “baby” within who needed love and attention to heal.
• Learning stillness: After walking away from her company, Terry began to rebuild her life slowly, learning to sit with discomfort and rediscover joy.
• Healing through feeling: Allowing herself to grieve her father’s death years after learning of it became the turning point that confirmed she was truly healing.
• A new kind of success: Today, Terry finds fulfillment not in hustle but in helping others rediscover wholeness through retreats and holistic coaching.

In this deeply human conversation, Terry Tateossian opens up about the cost of constant striving and the grace that comes with slowing down. From escaping communism to building a thriving agency to walking away from it all, her story is a testament to resilience and rebirth. Midlife didn’t just ask her to change her ways; it invited her to finally feel her feelings. Terry’s insights about self-compassion, emotional honesty, and healing the “bull and baby” within will resonate with anyone who’s ever worked themselves to exhaustion trying to prove their worth.

If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, follow, and share The Big Four Oh so more people can discover stories like Terry’s.

Guest Resources