Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss

In the heart of New York City, Abby Calabrese was living the dream on paper but the reality was she was quietly unravelling behind the scenes. Long days, late nights, and a culture steeped in drinking turned alcohol into her go-to coping mechanism, even as the cost to her wellbeing grew harder to ignore.

In this episode, Abby shares how walking away from alcohol became the catalyst for a complete identity shift and the creation of Alcohol Free Rebellion, a movement dedicated to helping others question the role alcohol plays in their lives. Ash and Abby dive into the awkwardness of social events without a drink in hand, the emotional honesty that sobriety demands, and how choosing not to numb out can radically transform relationships and self-worth.

Abby offers practical guidance for facing triggers, especially during the holidays, while staying anchored in intention, community, and self-compassion. She speaks to the power of mindfulness in strengthening intuition and making choices that truly align with who you are. At the heart of her story are the non-negotiables she now lives by: authenticity, emotional awareness, and unwavering self-care as the foundation of a full, meaningful, alcohol-free life.

Episode Chapters:

00:00 Introduction to Abby Calabrese and Her Journey

02:53 Navigating Life After Alcohol

05:45 The Challenge of Socializing Sober

08:29 Understanding Emotions and Feelings

11:34 Shifting Perspectives on Life

14:20 The Impact of Alcohol on Relationships

17:25 Hiding Behind a Smile: Abby's Photo Story

20:02 Recognizing Rock Bottoms and Justifications

22:48 The Roots of Abby's Drinking History

24:19 The Role of Alcohol in Socialization

29:29 Recognizing the Problem

32:21 The Turning Point

37:24 The Challenge of Sobriety

38:44 Shame and Stigma in Motherhood

43:59 Transforming Relationships in Sobriety

45:46 Embracing Authenticity in Relationships

47:22 Navigating Sobriety During the Holidays

49:16 Practical Tips for Alcohol-Free Celebrations

53:40 Listening to Your Intuition

56:50 Cultivating Mindfulness and Self-Awareness

01:02:36 Non-Negotiables for a Fulfilling Life

Follow and connect with Ash on: 

Growing up on the streets of London, Damo H learned at an early age how to outrun pain, but it always caught up. In this candid and moving episode, Damo traces his journey through childhood trauma, the shadow of addiction, and the relentless pursuit of healing.

He recounts how alcohol first became his refuge, how physical injury and prescription medication complicated his path, and how new beginnings in Australia brought a new set of challenges. The rock bottoms came again and again, each one forcing him to confront the reality of his disease.

Through service, community, and the support of a 12-step program, Damo found answers that went deeper than sobriety. He shares how recovery reshaped his family, revived his passion for photography, and gave him a sense of purpose. With honesty and hope, Damo reveals what it means to rebuild life from the ground up, and how after years of struggle, he’s learning to embrace happiness, gratitude, and authentic connection.

Episode Chapters:

00:00 Introduction and Letting Go Ritual

00:51 Meet Damo H: A Journey Begins

02:57 Daily Life and Recovery Practices

05:59 The Role of Service in Recovery

08:47 Childhood and Family Dynamics

12:01 The First Drink: A Turning Point

14:55 Growing Up in London: The Streets and Gangs

18:11 The Impact of Alcoholism on Relationships

20:50 Moving to Australia: New Beginnings

24:09 Career and Alcoholism: A Fragile Balance

27:08 Rehab and the Road to Sobriety

30:00 Family Tragedies and Resilience

32:04 Reflections on Sobriety and Happiness

36:24 The Slippery Slope of Addiction

39:54 The Return to Alcohol

46:11 Rock Bottoms and Revelations

50:40 A New Approach to Sobriety

01:01:30 Building a New Life in Sobriety

01:07:20 Non-Negotiables for a Happy Life

Follow and connect with Ash on: 

In this milestone 150th episode of Behind The Smile, Ash dives into a deeply personal conversation about healing, self perception, and the ever evolving journey of coming home to yourself. She unpacks the relationship between the inner critic, body image, and the way we move through the world, both physically and emotionally.

Through honest reflection and lived experience, Ash explores the quiet conditions we place on our own worth and the tender work of learning to accept ourselves as we are, not as we think we should be. This episode is an invitation to look beneath the surface, to recognise how far you have already come, and to remember that growth is not a finish line, it is a lifelong practice.

If you have ever battled your inner critic, questioned your worth, or felt the pull to redefine your relationship with yourself, this one will meet you right where you are.

Follow and connect with Ash on:

For Shannon McCabe, hitting rock bottom became the beginning of everything. Once living a life that looked “fine” on the outside yet was quietly ruled by addiction, Shannon, a sober coach and transformation mentor, opens up about the raw truth of her journey through alcohol dependency and the deep healing that followed.

In this powerful conversation, Ash and Shannon explore the emotional unraveling that precedes real change, the spiritual awakening that came through surrender, and the daily rituals that now anchor her sobriety. Shannon speaks honestly about motherhood and the challenges that come with caring for a child with special needs. The shame she battled on a daily basis through her addiction. Rediscovering self-worth, and showing how setting boundaries and embracing community became her path to peace.

This episode is a reminder that recovery isn’t about who you were, it’s about who you’re becoming.

Episode chapters:

00:00 Introduction to Shannon's Journey

02:05 A Day in the Life of a Sober Mom

04:48 The Importance of Morning Routines

06:50 Devotional Practices and Spirituality

13:46 Behind the Smile: A Photo Reflection

21:40 The Progression of Alcohol Use

31:41 Moments of Clarity and Rock Bottoms

37:43 The All-or-Nothing Mindset

44:45 Non-Negotiables for a Sober Life

53:19 Navigating Relapses and Setbacks

58:42 Living Authentically and Free

You can connect with Shannon using the links below:

What happens when self-worth becomes the missing piece in healing? In this episode, Ash sits down with Trauma Specialist and Psychotherapist, Jackson Goding, for a raw and thought-provoking conversation about what it really takes to recover, grow, and build authentic connection.

Jackson opens up about his own journey through codependency, the reality of doing deep trauma work, and why self-worth sits at the heart of true healing. Together, they explore the often messy path of relationships, meditation, and emotional regulation, unravelling why personal growth is rarely linear and almost never easy.

This episode goes far beyond the surface of “self-care.” It’s about courage, consistency, and the daily non-negotiables that help us return to ourselves again and again. Expect honesty, humour, and plenty of takeaways to help you nurture your own sense of worth and connection.

Episode chapters:

00:00 Introduction to Jackson Goding and His Work

02:45 Living in Sydney and Future Plans

05:33 Daily Life and Mindfulness Practices

08:31 The Challenge of Powerlessness and Surrender

11:14 Meditation: The Struggle and Its Importance

14:04 Hiding Behind a Smile: Personal Struggles

17:00 Relationships as Mirrors for Personal Growth

19:40 The Complexity of Relationships and Recovery

22:21 The Journey to Becoming a Therapist

24:59 Core Beliefs and Their Impact on Identity

31:02 Navigating Shame and Self-Worth

31:46 Understanding Triggers and Responses

33:07 Effective Communication in Relationships

35:06 The Impact of Past Experiences

36:53 Identifying and Expressing Needs

39:59 The Importance of Boundaries

41:36 Self-Accountability and Inner Child Work

44:24 Defining Codependency

48:10 The Challenges of Recovery from Codependency

52:57 Staying Accountable in Relationships

56:12 Establishing Non-Negotiables for Self-Care

01:02:26 Finding Balance in Relationships

You can connect with Jackson via the below channels: