Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle the question every couple secretly asks during the holidays: "Is this hard because we're healing—or hard because something is broken?" The answer will challenge everything you think you know about keeping the peace in your marriage. Drawing from five years of rebuilding their own marriage, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: the betrayed who obsesses and the betrayer who avoids are both destroying the peace faster than the affair ever could. Laura shares why she had to stop being the "peace keeper" in her marriage and become a "clarity seeker"—even when it was messy. Carl delivers the challenge most men avoid: If you want your wife to trust you again, stop waiting for her to calm down before you get honest. An honest man tells on himself. From the difference between "clearing things up" and "letting things go," to why resentment accumulation destroys more marriages than the original betrayal, to their personal story of surviving Carl's rehab during Christmas with three kids—this episode delivers practical frameworks you can use today. This episode will challenge any couple who believes avoiding hard conversations is how you keep the peace. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Supported by Plana https://plana.org/ Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com  CHAPTERS: 00:00 - If You Dread The Holidays, This Is For You 01:57 - The Stats: 64% Depression Increase + 300% Conflict Amplification 04:32 - Carl In Rehab On Christmas: How We Survived 08:24 - The "Keep The Peace" Trap 11:33 - Peace Is NOT The Absence Of Conflict 14:53 - The 24-Hour Repair Rule (The #1 Marriage Predictor) 18:28 - Clear Some Things Up: The Framework 22:16 - Repair Attempts Within 24 Hours 25:02 - Vulnerable Ownership Lowers Defenses In 90 Seconds 28:09 - How To Bring Up An Issue Without Attacking 31:44 - Plana Partnership 32:10 - Clear Up The Rules Of Engagement 34:43 - The Power Of Short Accounts 38:59 - Let Some Things Go: Celebrating What Annoys You 40:14 - Laura's 4 Annoying Things About Carl 44:00 - Carl's 5 Annoying Things About Laura 49:07 - What Can You Let Go Of Today? 53:16 - Final Questions Before The Holidays End See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Lights On with Carl Lentz

B-Side

Why "Keeping The Peace" Actually Destroys Your Marriage

DEC 10, 202554 MIN
Lights On with Carl Lentz

Why "Keeping The Peace" Actually Destroys Your Marriage

DEC 10, 202554 MIN

Description

Want to submit questions? Email us at [email protected] this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle the question every couple secretly asks during the holidays: "Is this hard because we're healing—or hard because something is broken?" The answer will challenge everything you think you know about keeping the peace in your marriage.Drawing from five years of rebuilding their own marriage, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: the betrayed who obsesses and the betrayer who avoids are both destroying the peace faster than the affair ever could.Laura shares why she had to stop being the "peace keeper" in her marriage and become a "clarity seeker"—even when it was messy. Carl delivers the challenge most men avoid: If you want your wife to trust you again, stop waiting for her to calm down before you get honest. An honest man tells on himself.From the difference between "clearing things up" and "letting things go," to why resentment accumulation destroys more marriages than the original betrayal, to their personal story of surviving Carl's rehab during Christmas with three kids—this episode delivers practical frameworks you can use today.This episode will challenge any couple who believes avoiding hard conversations is how you keep the peace.Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/Supported by Plana https://plana.org/Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com CHAPTERS:00:00 - If You Dread The Holidays, This Is For You01:57 - The Stats: 64% Depression Increase + 300% Conflict Amplification04:32 - Carl In Rehab On Christmas: How We Survived08:24 - The "Keep The Peace" Trap11:33 - Peace Is NOT The Absence Of Conflict14:53 - The 24-Hour Repair Rule (The #1 Marriage Predictor)18:28 - Clear Some Things Up: The Framework22:16 - Repair Attempts Within 24 Hours25:02 - Vulnerable Ownership Lowers Defenses In 90 Seconds28:09 - How To Bring Up An Issue Without Attacking31:44 - Plana Partnership32:10 - Clear Up The Rules Of Engagement34:43 - The Power Of Short Accounts38:59 - Let Some Things Go: Celebrating What Annoys You40:14 - Laura's 4 Annoying Things About Carl44:00 - Carl's 5 Annoying Things About Laura49:07 - What Can You Let Go Of Today?53:16 - Final Questions Before The Holidays EndSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.