In this episode of The Art of Imperfect Adulting, Amy Stone speaks with Connecticut based Karen C.L. Anderson about her decision to go “no contact” with a parent, the impact of childhood trauma and shame, and the path to healing and self-acceptance. Karen shares her own story of estrangement from her mother, breaking generational cycles, and creating a life rooted in intentional identity and boundaries.

About the Guest:

Karen C.L. Anderson is an author, coach, and sought-after voice in the field of mother-daughter relationships. Her latest book, You Are Not Your Mother, and her coaching practice help adult daughters and mothers understand and shift family patterns, recover from shame, and create healthier boundaries. Karen brings a blend of lived experience, deep empathy, and practical wisdom to the conversation.

Main Topics Covered:

• The slow, complicated process of deciding to go no contact with a parent
• Childhood trauma, neglect, and learning about shame
• Estrangement, cultural expectations, and family “rules”
• The emotional aftermath and healing that unfolds after setting boundaries
• Understanding nervous system responses, enmeshment, and generational cycles
• How new frameworks—including coaching and intentional identity—can change your relationship with shame
• The difference between reconciliation, boundaries, and acceptance

Quote from the Episode:

“I was trying and trying and trying and also thinking, well, there must be something wrong with me that I can't seem to get along with my mom... And then, I remember getting an email from her that said that she was disappointed in the person that I'd become. And it was like a knife in the heart.” — Karen C.L. Anderson

Timestamps:

[00:00:10] Welcome, where Karen calls home, and unconventional ways of celebrating

[00:01:27] Decision to cut off contact with her mom—process, context, and terminology

[00:04:47] Family structure, siblings, and growing up in blended families

[00:05:41] Parental loss and the compounding grief of estrangement

[00:07:28] Painful turning point: “I never felt safe with my mom”

[00:16:07] Substance abuse, neglect, and lack of support in childhood

[00:19:32] Adult friendship/enmeshment, codependency, and nervous system responses

[00:22:10] Recognizing shame—Brené Brown and the awakening to inner narratives

[00:24:33] Modalities and self-development: what helped (and what didn’t)

[00:29:50] Setting a boundary: the practicalities and emotional fallout of no contact

[00:36:02] Long-term impact, breaking generational cycles, and finding contentment

[00:38:18] Karen’s work helping adult daughters and/or mothers heal and set boundaries

[00:41:09] Fun quick questions—morning routines, favorite books, and Italian ice

Karen’s Book is on Amazon and Bookshop.org

https://bookshop.org/a/87491/9781684812660

https://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Not-Your-Mother/dp/1684812666

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