<p>In this deeply personal episode, Aiwan shares the "three goes" she had at fatherhood and why all of them failed her.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>From a biological father known only through fragments, to a step-parenting experience defined by high control religion and mushrooms growing out of tower-block walls, Aiwan and Tamanda peel back the layers of what happens when the "protector" figure is absent, abusive or conditional.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Together we dive into the complex world of Nigerian Pentecostal "Spiritual Fathers" and the moment a violent sermon in 2014 forced Aiwan to choose between her faith and her humanity. As she left home and chose homelessness to keep her self-worth intact.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>But this isn't just a story of absence. It’s a conversation about reclaiming the "missing story" and redefining what it means to be meaningfully present as a parent. Aiwan describes the father she never had, the caregiver dads she imagines for the next generation, and how her own experiences shape her own thinking about raising a child herself one day.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p><strong>🎙️ In this episode:</strong></p><ul><li><strong>Status and Absent Fathers:</strong>&nbsp;How growing up fatherless on a council estate impacts a child’s sense of protection</li><li><strong>The Myth of the Presence:</strong> Why having multiple "father figures" can sometimes feel lonelier than having none at all</li><li><strong>The Spiritual "Daddy":</strong>&nbsp;The power dynamics of the Nigerian Pentecostal church and the moment Aiwan left it all behind</li><li><strong>Breaking the Cycle:</strong>&nbsp;The intellectual and emotional work of building a parenting blueprint from scratch</li><li><strong>Saluting Dope Black Dads:</strong>&nbsp;A celebration of the Black fathers counteracting stereotypes with "soft discipline" and intentional love</li></ul><p>&nbsp;</p><p>🎥 Watch the full episode on YouTube: <a href="https://youtu.be/6dRWI1PWnBc" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://youtu.be/6dRWI1PWnBc</a></p><br><p>🎧 Listen wherever you get your podcasts</p><br><p>🔁 Share this episode with someone healing their inner child or a father figure who understands that presence is the greatest gift of all.</p><br><p>☕&nbsp;Support the show:&nbsp;<a href="https://buymeacoffee.com/rigourandflow" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://buymeacoffee.com/rigourandflow</a></p><p><strong>Please rate, review and subscribe for weekly episodes.</strong></p><p>Connect with us on:</p><ul><li><a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@rigourandflow" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">TikTok</a></li><li><a href="https://www.instagram.com/rigourandflow" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Instagram</a></li><li><a href="https://uk.linkedin.com/company/rigourandflow" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">LinkedIn</a></li><li><a href="www.aiaistudios.com" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">AiAi Studios</a></li><li><a href="www.rootsandrigour.org" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Roots &amp; Rigour</a></li></ul><p><br></p><p><em>This is an </em><a href="https://open.acast.com/networks/67d57addaaba807fb7eb365a/shows/67d57d23b3ef7ea352b50da3/www.aiaistudios.com" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><em>AiAi Studios</em></a><em> Production</em></p><p><em>©AiAi Studios 2025</em></p><hr><p style='color:grey; font-size:0.75em;'> Hosted on Acast. See <a style='color:grey;' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer' href='https://acast.com/privacy'>acast.com/privacy</a> for more information.</p>