<p>Where do you stand on choosing to fix a failing friendship, or deciding to let it go?</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Adult friendships are supposed to be the easy relationships.
No shared mortgage. No in-laws. No vows. Why then can they&nbsp;break you in ways that feel like such a fundamental failure?&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>In this episode of Rigour &amp; Flow, we open a conversation that surprised us both. Using a provocation from Lovette Jallow on friendship breakups and “outgrowing” people, we ask whether growth always calls for departure, or whether sometimes we lack the skills to repair what ruptured.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>We start with joy. Childhood friendships. Estate windows facing each other. Writing and recording songs onto cassette decks. The best friends who became family when there was no family. The friend groups that shaped us. The boarding school betrayals that undid us.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>The adult friendships that finally felt chosen, reciprocal and real.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Then we recount the&nbsp;ruptures. What happens when envy enters a friendship? When a friend falls in love with you?
When your growth feels like their loss?</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Aiwan shares about the devastating breakdown of a 20-year friendship. She takes us through the triggers that tore it apart:&nbsp;Jealousy. Resentment. One-sided romantic feelings, disclosed despite an existing relationship. Attempts at repair. Boundaries set. And&nbsp;then the slow and painful realisation that some friendships could not&nbsp;hold the fullness of who she was becoming on her journey.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>What do you do with such difficult dynamics? We examine how fixing a friendship in this bind may be attempted, but sometimes trust no longer feels intact.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>And we get&nbsp;deep into the discussion of the trickiest dilemmas: Can you have friendships when&nbsp;someone feels romantic attraction? And is&nbsp;“outgrowing” someone&nbsp;simply growth, or merely avoidance in disguise?&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>🎙️<strong> In this episode:</strong></p><ul><li><strong>Chosen “family” &amp; early belonging:</strong>&nbsp;Estate windows, cassette tapes, and the friendships that felt like home when home was unstable</li><li><strong>Friendship as “low stakes” myth:</strong>&nbsp;Why we treat romance and family as therapy-worthy, but sideline friendship ruptures</li><li><strong>Moments of envy:</strong>&nbsp;What happens when someone cannot celebrate your wins and finally says, “I was jealous of you.”</li><li><strong>When attraction destabilises friendship:</strong>&nbsp;Queerness, blurred lines and the shock of a foundation shifting</li><li><strong>Growth vs abandonment:</strong> Realising that your becoming feels like their loss</li><li><strong>Setting boundaries in conversation:</strong>&nbsp;Accountability, difficult questions and the refusal to stay in ambiguity</li><li><strong>Boundaries as safety:</strong>&nbsp;Aiwan’s “broken bone theory” and the (im)possibility of repair after rupture&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</li><li><strong>Outgrowing or avoiding?:</strong>&nbsp;Exploring the difference between emotional maturity and ego protection</li></ul><p>&nbsp;</p><p>This is Part 1 of our exploration into adult friendships and friend breakups. In Part 2, we will be doing more self-introspection and asking if or when we’ve ever been the toxic friend! 👀&nbsp;Stay tuned.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>🎧 Listen wherever you get your podcasts</p><p>🎥 Watch the full episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/ceGb5I53gZk </p><p>🔁 Share with someone who has ever felt the grief of losing a friend</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>☕ Want to support the show? Buy us a coffee: <a href="https://buymeacoffee.com/rigourandflow" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://buymeacoffee.com/rigourandflow</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</p><p><strong>Please rate, review and subscribe for weekly episodes.</strong></p><p>Connect with us on:</p><ul><li><a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@rigourandflow" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">TikTok</a></li><li><a href="https://www.instagram.com/rigourandflow" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Instagram</a></li><li><a href="https://uk.linkedin.com/company/rigourandflow" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">LinkedIn</a></li><li><a href="www.aiaistudios.com" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">AiAi Studios</a></li><li><a href="www.rootsandrigour.org" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Roots &amp; Rigour</a></li></ul><p><br></p><p><em>This is an </em><a href="https://open.acast.com/networks/67d57addaaba807fb7eb365a/shows/67d57d23b3ef7ea352b50da3/www.aiaistudios.com" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><em>AiAi Studios</em></a><em> Production</em></p><p><em>©AiAi Studios 2025</em></p><hr><p style='color:grey; font-size:0.75em;'> Hosted on Acast. See <a style='color:grey;' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer' href='https://acast.com/privacy'>acast.com/privacy</a> for more information.</p>