A year. Two years. Five years. Ten years. Still stuck on the same person. If that is you, this episode is not going to tell you to give it more time. In this episode, I sit down with my colleague Jesse Stanley, a licensed marriage and family therapist and board-certified coach who co-facilitates our Heartbreak Recovery Intensive with me here at Growing Self. Between us, we have watched a lot of people walk in still tangled up in a relationship that ended months or years ago, and walk out free of it. Jesse joined me to talk about what we have seen actually work, including the one reframe that unlocks years of stuckness for almost every person we meet. In this episode: The factory accident sign that explains why you have been resetting your healing clock for years without realizing it Why a breakup mimics the symptoms of PTSD, and what is actually happening in your nervous system The exact reason your thinking brain and your attachment brain disagree about whether to text your ex back Why heartbreak recovery groups move people faster than years of one-on-one therapy The closure myth that keeps people waiting for an apology from someone unable to give it The airplane metaphor that finally lets you accept the good parts of a relationship that had to end Why most therapists are not trained in heartbreak recovery, and what to look for instead The reclaim-the-song, reclaim-the-room experiment that does more than years of talking about feelings Why this matters This episode is for anyone who has been stuck on a past relationship long enough to be embarrassed about it. The person you cannot stop checking in on. The relationship that ended a long time ago but somehow still has a vote in your life. The voice in your head that keeps telling you that you should be over this by now. We see you, and we have seen this. There is a way through, even if it has been years. Episode Breakdown 00:00 Stuck on Your Ex for Years? It's Not a Life Sentence 05:45 Why You Can't Stop Resetting the Recovery Clock 09:30 Why a Breakup Feels Like Physical Withdrawal 12:30 The Difference Between Thinking Brain and Attachment Brain 14:30 Why Groups Move You Faster Than One-on-One Therapy 22:50 Closure Is Something You Give Yourself 26:30 Taking Your Power Back After a Breakup 30:00 Why Therapy Alone May Keep You Stuck 34:00 How to Actually Start Healing From a Broken Heart 47:30 This Won't Always Feel Like This Resources Full episode article and show notes How Over Your Ex Are You? Quiz Heartbreak Recovery program at Growing Self Online breakup support group Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to an Ex Love by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Schedule a free first conversation If you are listening to this and recognizing yourself, the years-stuck part, the closure-waiting part, the cannot-stop-checking part, that recognition is the signal. Send me an email at [email protected], or come find me at GrowingSelf.com. We do free first conversations. No pressure, no commitment. Just a real conversation about what is actually going on for you, and whether the kind of work we do here might help. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby P.S. If you want to know exactly where you are in the process before you talk to anyone, the How Over Your Ex Are You? quiz at growingself.com/breakup-quiz-how-over-your-ex-are-you takes about two minutes and tells you the truth. Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast Upwork — When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS at oseamalibu.com for 10% off your first order. Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at quince.com/lhs. LNutra Prolon — A science-backed, plant-based nutrition program that supports fat loss, metabolism, cellular rejuvenation, and overall longevity. Head to ProlonLife.com/LHS for 15% off your first order + a bonus gift.