Divorce Holiday Series — Part 1: How to Deal with Divorce During the Holidays

The holidays keep coming even when your family is coming apart. Traditions stay on the calendar, extended family still has expectations, and children still count down to the first night of Hanukkah or Christmas morning. In this solo episode, Andrea Vacca speaks to parents facing their first holiday season during or after divorce. She offers practical guidance on staying present for your children and for yourself when so much feels uncertain. Andrea starts with how children experience the holidays. For kids, the season means ritual and predictability as much as presents. That's why a sudden break in routine can feel so destabilizing. She explains why children often feel caught between their parents and why the schedule should never be left for them to decide. Her advice on telling kids about changes is simple: "I want you to remember that what you say to your kids about changes to the holiday schedule matters less than how you say it." She shares the story of a client who stayed home while her children went on a long-standing family cruise with their father and grandparents. By reassuring the kids that she would be fine, this mother made it possible for everyone to enjoy the holiday. Andrea also covers which traditions continue and which change, and why co-parents should talk about this well before the season arrives, with help from a mediator or attorneys if needed. She offers a framework for multi-faith families, suggests ways to build new rituals with your children, and then turns to the parent who will spend part of the holiday alone. Grief and relief, loneliness and freedom can all show up in the same hour. Andrea makes the case for putting some structure around self-care, staying in touch with your support system, and giving yourself grace through a season that is hard and also the start of something new. Key Takeaways ● Children experience the holidays as ritual and routine, so keeping familiar traditions can steady them while so much else is changing. ● Never ask children to choose which parent or side of the family they will spend the holiday with. Setting the schedule is the parents' job, and doing it lifts a burden off your kids. ● Tell children about the plan in a calm, confident voice. Keep it simple and concrete for younger kids, and let older kids and teens know both parents have agreed. ● Talk with your co-parent about holiday traditions before the season starts. A mediator or your attorneys can help frame the conversation if talking one-on-one is difficult. ● Multi-faith families can give each parent lead responsibility for the holiday that means the most to them, so children get the full experience of both. ● If you'll be without your children for part of the holiday, make plans, keep your therapy sessions, and lean on friends, family, or support groups for divorced parents. Connect with Andrea Vacca ● A Better Divorce Podcast: https://www.vaccalaw.com/a-better-divorce-podcast ● Website: https://www.vaccalaw.com ● LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/andreavacca/ ● Twitter: https://twitter.com/AndreaVaccaEsq ● Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/VaccaNYFamilyLaw ● Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vacca_familylaw/ #ABetterDivorce #DivorceAdvice #IntentionalDivorce #DivorceLawyer #PositivePsychology #DivorceCoach #NewYorkDivorce #CoParenting #DivorceSupport #BetterDivorce #HolidaysAndDivorce #CoParentingHolidays