ADHD, Grief and Sobriety: What Happens When the Coping Mechanisms Fall Away

Join me live in Manchester this December for The Next Chapter — an immersive event for women ready to move beyond understanding their ADHD and explore what comes next with more confidence, self-compassion and permission to be themselves — surrounded by like-minded neurodivergent women who truly get it. Ready for your next chapter? Find out more: Book your place here⁠. ________________________________________ A gentle note before listening: This episode includes discussion of sudden bereavement, eating disorders, problematic alcohol use and addiction, mental health and grief. ________________________________________ Sometimes only when a coping mechanism disappears do we see what was buried underneath. The social anxiety. The masking. The overwhelm. The parts of ourselves we’ve labelled unreliable, chaotic or “bad at life”. And suddenly, with a different understanding, the story starts to look very different. In today’s episode of The ADHD Women’s Wellbeing Podcast, I sit down with Rosie Moss, award-winning podcast host, bestselling author of Widowed As F**k and founder of the Widowed Collective. ________________________________________ Ad⏐AG1’s best ever deal currently at under £50 per month when you take a quarterly subscription. Try AG1 for 90 days and see how it can help support your energy, mood and focus at: https://drinkag1.com/adhdwomen All orders include a Welcome Kit. Study results are held by AG1, 2023. ________________________________________ Rosie was widowed at 37 when her husband Ben died suddenly in a scuba diving accident, leaving her to navigate an unimaginable loss while parenting three young children. Several years later, Rosie decided to stop drinking. And not long after that came another huge piece of understanding: at 41, she was diagnosed with ADHD, followed by autism. This is such an open conversation about what happens when grief, eating disorders, neurodivergence, coping mechanisms and identity all collide. Rosie talks about looking back at the girl who struggled with eating disorders, the woman who relied heavily on alcohol, the jobs she couldn’t stick with, the appointments she forgot and the parts of herself she had labelled unreliable or “bad at life”. And then discovering there was another way to understand so much of it. We talk about the grief that can come with late diagnosis alongside the relief. The role alcohol played in helping Rosie manage social anxiety and mask for years. What sobriety revealed about what she actually needed. And how losing the person who had unknowingly provided so much of her executive-function scaffolding left her navigating both enormous grief and the practical realities of life alone. There’s humour here too, because that’s a huge part of Rosie’s story. And perhaps more than anything, there’s permission to look back at the versions of ourselves who were simply trying to get through and meet them with a little more understanding. In this episode, we cover: Losing Rosie’s husband suddenly and navigating grief with three young children Why lived experience and finding people who truly understand can be so powerful Humour, anger and the emotions we don’t always expect to experience in grief Rosie’s experience of anorexia and bulimia from a young age and the neurodivergence that went unrecognised Using alcohol to cope, mask and manage social situations How sobriety eventually led Rosie towards understanding her ADHD Being diagnosed with ADHD at 41 and autism later in life The relief and grief that can come with looking back at your life through a neurodivergent lens Parenting ADHD and autistic children differently once you understand your own brain The stigma surrounding ADHD and the exhaustion of feeling you need to defend your diagnosis Sobriety, social anxiety and discovering who you are without alcohol Why Rosie chose to try 100 days without drinking rather than thinking about “forever” Losing a partner who had unknowingly become part of your executive-function support The hidden admin and practical overwhelm that comes alongside grief Building work around your ADHD strengths and the flexibility you actually need Finding community, meaningful work and connection after enormous life change Timestamps: 00:00 - Welcome and introducing Rosie Moss 02:00 - Losing Ben and beginning the Widowed AF podcast 04:00 - Creating a space for honest conversations about grief 05:20 - The idea of becoming a “grief sherpa” 06:00 - Finding people who understand without needing an explanation 07:20 - Humour as part of grief 09:00 - Still being yourself after enormous loss 10:00 - Anger and the emotions we don’t always talk about in grief 11:00 - Grief, neurodivergence and parenting young children 11:30 - Eating disorders and the signs of ADHD that were missed 12:40 - Alcohol, masking and coping before diagnosis 13:00 - Getting sober and beginning to recognise ADHD 14:00 - The relief of finally having another explanation 15:20 - ADHD diagnosis, parenting and changing expectations 16:00 - The stigma around ADHD diagnosis 17:00 - Feeling increasingly cautious about disclosing ADHD and autism 18:00 - Invisible disability, accommodations and judgement 20:20 - The Next Chapter ADHD Women’s Wellbeing event 22:00 - Alcohol as a coping mechanism 23:00 - Drinking after bereavement and looking back with more compassion 24:00 - Sobriety and recognising the social anxiety underneath 25:00 - Why AA wasn’t the right route for Rosie 26:00 - Trying 100 days without alcohol 27:00 - ADHD, addiction and shame 28:00 - Taking sobriety one day — and sometimes one hour — at a time 29:00 - The fear of admitting that drinking had become a problem 31:00 - Socialising differently and learning your actual preferences 32:00 - Learning to dance and have fun without alcohol 34:00 - Where to begin if you’re questioning your relationship with alcohol 36:00 - Removing the pressure to make a huge announcement or change everything at once 36:30 - How sobriety and ADHD diagnosis helped Rosie sustain her work 37:00 - Losing the person who supported your executive functioning 38:00 - Grief admin and navigating everyday life alone 39:30 - Reframing “I’m bad at life” 40:00 - Building work around flexibility, interest and ADHD strengths 42:00 - Valuing your time and allowing a business to grow at a sustainable pace 43:20 - Widowed AF, the Widowed Collective and finding support Links and Resources: Join me in Manchester for The Next Chapter Find my ADHD Women’s Wellbeing workshops and resources here Get my book, The ADHD Women’s Wellbeing Toolkit, here Follow the podcast on Instagram: @adhd_womenswellbeing_pod Visit Rosie and the Widowed AF community: widowedaf.com Follow Rosie on Instagram: @widowed_af Find the Widowed AF podcast and Rosie’s book, Widowed As F**k, through her website Support mentioned in this episode: If anything discussed in this conversation has brought something up for you, please reach out for appropriate support. For bereavement support, visit Cruse Bereavement Support For help or information around alcohol, visit Alcohol Change UK For eating disorder support, visit Beat If you need someone to talk to, you can call Samaritans free on 116 123, 24 hours a day Some other helpful links:⁠ Widowed and Young⁠⁠ Drink Aware⁠⁠ Alcoholics-Anonymous Kate Moryoussef is a women's ADHD lifestyle and wellbeing author, coach and EFT practitioner who helps overwhelmed and unfulfilled newly diagnosed women with ADHD find more calm, balance, hope, health, compassion, creativity and clarity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices