Carried Forward

Why can grief catch you off guard years or even decades after someone dies? While writing his book, Robert began reflecting on the childhood trips he took to the airport with his father. He had always believed he arrived early for flights because he loved airports. Sitting on the couch that night, he recognized a deeper connection: walking the terminals still gave him a way to spend time with his dad. In this solo episode, Robert examines why an old loss can feel new again. He explains how grief can return to our awareness as we enter new stages of life, understand past experiences differently, or encounter a memory whose meaning we had not recognized before. The episode also explores the Dual Process Model of Bereavement, continuing bonds, and meaning reconstruction. Robert shares how these ideas shape his approach as a grief coach and offers practical ways to respond when grief resurfaces without judging yourself or treating the experience as a setback. In this episode: Why renewed grief does not mean you have gone backward How an old memory can take on new meaning Revisiting a childhood loss from an adult perspective Moving between grief and everyday life How places, rituals, and memories can maintain a connection with someone who died Why crying can feel helpful for some people without being required What ordinary grief work can look like Questions Robert uses to explore why grief has resurfaced When coaching may help and when a licensed mental health professional may offer more appropriate support When grief catches you off guard, try beginning with: “This is grief. I’m okay, and I don’t have to push it down.” You may not need to solve the feeling. Start by noticing what brought the loss into view and what the memory means to you now. Research and frameworks mentioned The Dual Process Model of Coping with Bereavement by Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut Growing Up With Grief: Revisiting the Death of a Parent Over the Life Course by Nancee M. Blank and Allison Werner-Lin The Impact of Continuing Bonds Following Bereavement: A Systematic Review Meaning Reconstruction in Bereavement by Robert A. Neimeyer The Riddle of Human Emotional Crying by Ad Vingerhoets and Lauren Bylsma Content note: This episode discusses parental death, grief, crying, and emotional distress. Learn more about Robert DelFave’s grief coaching and writing Website: robertdelfave.com Grief coaching: robertdelfave.com/coaching Schedule a complimentary Grief Map Session: Book a Grief Map Session The Other Side of This: robertdelfave.com/book Contact: [email protected] The Carried Forward Podcast is hosted by Robert DelFave, grief coach, David Kessler Certified Grief Educator, and author of The Other Side of This.

At eight years old, Rebecca Gaeta lost both parents—and learned that being “good” meant staying quiet about her grief. Decades later, she discovered that what happens to us may be beyond our control, but how we carry it forward is not. In this episode, I sit down with Rebecca Gaeta, a retired marriage and family therapist whose life and work have been shaped by childhood loss, betrayal, forgiveness, and healing. Her story shows why grief needs more than resilience: it needs truth, safety, presence, and someone willing to listen. Rebecca spent 20 years in private practice and now leads an ongoing grief group at her church. After losing her mother to a brain tumor and her father to suicide as a child, she eventually learned to transform the pain she carried into wisdom, grace, compassion, and service to others. Every episode of The Carried Forward Podcast asks one question: what does carrying grief forward actually look like? Rebecca answers it by showing how the grief that once created silence and isolation can become a source of connection, purpose, and hard-earned wisdom. In this episode: Losing both parents as a child—and growing up in a family where grief was not discussed How unprocessed childhood grief resurfaced decades later Learning to feel compassion for the child she once considered weak and needy The difference between “cheap forgiveness” and the difficult work of finding peace Why children need support and permission to grieve—not assumptions about their resilience How presence and witness can help when words cannot Turning painful experiences into gifts without pretending the pain happened for a reason What Rebecca wants her eight-year-old self—and her parents—to know: “I’m okay. I got here. You would be proud of me.” Connect with Rebecca Gaeta: Rebecca does not currently maintain a public website or professional social media presence. For now, this conversation is the place to hear her story and learn from her work. Learn more about Robert DelFave’s grief coaching and writing Website: robertdelfave.com Grief coaching: robertdelfave.com/coaching Schedule a complimentary Grief Map Session: Book a Grief Map Session The Other Side of This: robertdelfave.com/book Contact: [email protected] The Carried Forward Podcast is hosted by Robert DelFave, grief coach, David Kessler Certified Grief Educator, and author of The Other Side of This.

"You cannot think your way through grief. You have to feel your way through it." In this episode, I sit down with executive coach and PhD Lynn Banis for a conversation about compounded grief — what happens when loss doesn't arrive once, but keeps arriving, before you've even found solid ground from the last one. Within roughly two and a half years, Lynn lost her mother, her younger brother Bruce, and her husband Bill. She calls that season the wrecking ball of her life. We talk about what it means when grief refuses to be managed intellectually, even by someone whose entire career was built on solving complex problems. About the moment Lynn realized she couldn't coach herself through her own loss, and what her body did to force her to stop. About grief ambushes: the stranger in a meeting who looks like Bill, two cups of coffee poured out of habit, two boxes of cereal in a grocery aisle she no longer wants. But underneath all of it, this conversation is about what Lynn calls a profound reorganization of the self. Lynn shares how she began separating the "shoulds, oughts, and musts" she'd been carrying from what was actually true, how grief lives somatically in the bones and joints and not just the heart and mind, and how she eventually stopped trying to return to who she was and instead learned to integrate the loss like a thread woven into the fabric of her life, rather than a weight she drags behind her. We talk about: why compounded grief keeps forcing the brain and body to readjust, again and again the difference between knowing about grief and actually being inside it self-limiting beliefs, and how "I should" is often the first sign of one grief hiding inside change, not just inside death what grief costs versus what grief gives — and holding both truths at once why high-capacity women tend to minimize their own grief and just "try harder" the mason jar Christmas tradition Lynn built with her family to hold two grandfathers' memories with joy instead of dread the difference between dragging grief like a weight and integrating it like a thread Lynn also shares how she built these lessons into a new membership platform for women navigating major life transitions, so no one has to go through the reorganization alone. At its core, this episode is about what it looks like to keep the people you've lost close, without losing yourself to the loss. Connect with Lynn: Website: womenrisingtogether.org Learn more about Robert DelFave’s grief coaching and writing Website: robertdelfave.com Grief coaching: robertdelfave.com/coaching Schedule a complimentary Grief Map Session: Book a Grief Map Session The Other Side of This: robertdelfave.com/book Contact: [email protected] The Carried Forward Podcast is hosted by Robert DelFave, grief coach, David Kessler Certified Grief Educator, and author of The Other Side of This.

"Grief alone is grief compounded." In this episode, I sit down with grief therapist and counselor Carl Nassar for a conversation about why sorrow becomes heavier when we carry it by ourselves, and what becomes possible when grief is witnessed, held, and shared instead of hidden, rushed, or handled privately. We talk about the villages humans lived in for two million years and what happened when consumer culture took their place. About the exhaustion, isolation, and endless efforting Carl saw repeat across more than 25 years of clinical work. About advertising's false promise to bring us back to our people, the treadmill of achieving and acquiring, and the loneliness sitting underneath it all. But underneath all of it, this conversation is deeply human. Carl shares his own story: crossing an ocean at three years old, learning early that achievement made his mother's shoulders relax, earning tenure as an engineering professor, and then walking away from that career to spend the next 25 years sitting with more than 10,000 individuals, couples, and families. We talk about: why grief carried alone becomes grief compounded the loss of shared life and the village we all miss how consumer culture hooks us on achieving and acquiring stillness and compassion, the two forces behind real healing grief circles and what a group makes possible that one-on-one support can't building community through proximity, lingering, and rhythm knowing who is safe to share your grief with the kintsugi bowl and becoming broken but beautiful Carl also shares practical ways to summon stillness and compassion from within, for anyone who doesn't yet have a person or a circle to help hold what they're carrying. At its core, this episode is about finding our people and letting them carry with us what we were never built to carry alone. Connect with Carl: Website: VillageSolution.com Learn more about Robert DelFave’s grief coaching and writing Website: robertdelfave.com Grief coaching: robertdelfave.com/coaching Schedule a complimentary Grief Map Session: Book a Grief Map Session The Other Side of This: robertdelfave.com/book Contact: [email protected] The Carried Forward Podcast is hosted by Robert DelFave, grief coach, David Kessler Certified Grief Educator, and author of The Other Side of This.

“I know the pause of grief.” In this episode, I sit down with attorney Stephanie Prestridge for a conversation about the part of grief almost nobody talks about: the collision between emotional loss and the systems people are suddenly forced to navigate after someone dies. We talk about what grief does to people emotionally, financially, relationally, and cognitively. About the paperwork families suddenly face while trying to survive unimaginable loss. About life insurance claims, legal confusion, family conflict, delayed grief, and the invisible weight people carry while the world keeps moving around them. But underneath all of it, this conversation is deeply human. Stephanie shares the story of losing her younger sister as a child, what it looked like to put her own grief on pause while focusing on her mother, and how those experiences eventually transformed the way she practices law today. We talk about: delayed and paused grief what grief does to families after loss the overwhelming administrative side of death life insurance claims and denied benefits family conflict after someone dies grief ambushes and emotional shutdown carrying love forward instead of staying frozen the difference between surviving grief and drowning in it Stephanie also shares what she’s learned sitting with grieving families every day and why being “seen” matters just as much as legal guidance. At its core, this episode is about learning how to move forward without leaving the people we love behind. Connect with Stephanie: Website: PrestridgeLaw.com Learn more about Robert DelFave’s grief coaching and writing Website: robertdelfave.com Grief coaching: robertdelfave.com/coaching Schedule a complimentary Grief Map Session: Book a Grief Map Session The Other Side of This: robertdelfave.com/book Contact: [email protected] The Carried Forward Podcast is hosted by Robert DelFave, grief coach, David Kessler Certified Grief Educator, and author of The Other Side of This.