Your Teen Lost a Parent. What Do They Need From You Now?

"Those comments can sound like love and land like an assignment." In this solo episode, I talk to the surviving parent about what a grieving teenager might actually need from you. Your teen comes home, says they're fine, and goes straight upstairs. Are they avoiding their grief, or are they just being a teenager? Most of the time, it's both. My dad died when I was fourteen. When I look back, I don't really remember adults making me feel seen or heard. Maybe they did and I blocked it out, or maybe I just wasn't listening. So this episode is about the quiet, ordinary ways adults can keep showing up, even when a teenager doesn't seem to notice. We talk about why "you can always talk to me" can be too big an opening for a teen, and how to make it smaller: "Do you want company? Or do you want space tonight?" We talk about the closed bedroom door, and how sometimes a teenager goes upstairs not to get away from you but so you won't see them fall apart. And we talk about how a grieving teen can quietly start protecting you by hiding what they feel, doing chores before anyone asks, and becoming the calm one in the room, while the adults around them praise it. But underneath all of it, this episode is about letting your teenager stay a teenager. I share what the research says, from a small interview study with grieving kids to the American Academy of Pediatrics' guidance on why "you're the man of the house now" is something not to say, and a long-term study suggesting that helping the grieving parent helps the kid too. We talk about: why "you can always talk to me" can be too big a job to hand a teenager how a teen can start protecting a grieving parent, and why adults often praise it letting your kid see your grief without making it their job to hold you together signs it's time to bring in more support how some teens stay connected to the parent who died through memories, keepsakes, or a sense of their guidance why getting support for your own grief helps your kids why your teen may not remember the plate you saved, and why you should save it anyway At its core, this episode is about making sure your teenager doesn't have to perform their grief for you to remember they're grieving. Next Monday: Who Takes Care of the Parent Who Has to Keep Parenting? If you're worried about someone's immediate safety, call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org (U.S.). Research mentioned: Wray et al. (2026), Death Studies: ray.yorksj.ac.uk/id/eprint/13999 Schonfeld et al. (2024), American Academy of Pediatrics: schoolcrisiscenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/peds.2024-067212.pdf Hansen et al. (2016), Palliative & Supportive Care: pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26459163 Sandler et al. (2010), Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine: pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3030985 National Alliance for Children's Grief: nacg.org/additional-support Learn more about Robert DelFave's grief coaching and writing Website: robertdelfave.com Grief coaching: robertdelfave.com/coaching Schedule a complimentary Grief Map Session: Book a Grief Map Session The Other Side of This: robertdelfave.com/book Contact: [email protected] Unparented is hosted by Robert DelFave, grief coach, David Kessler Certified Grief Educator, and author of The Other Side of This.