What's Frustrating You More: Their Inexperience or Your Expectations?

Episode Summary Every generation complains about the one coming behind it, and for today's military leaders, much of that frustration lands on Gen Z. My guest this episode, Sarah Carter, is a U.S. Merchant Marine Academy graduate and former Navy P-3 and P-8 pilot who finished her service as executive officer of the President's Emergency Operations Center in the White House Military Office. She now coaches leaders with Arrowhead Leadership Consulting (arrowhead-leadership.com) and has presented at the Caleb Challenge Career Transition Strategies Workshop at OCF's White Sulphur Springs. Carter explains how a generation raised with more structure, supervision, and adult involvement had fewer chances to develop five critical skills, and why the military is well suited to building several of them. She offers practical guidance for officers leading young service members, for leaders transitioning into civilian roles, and for Gen Zers themselves. The goal isn't lowering standards—it's becoming more deliberate about preparing people to meet them. Related episode: For more on career transition, listen to Maj Gen Pete Peterson, USAF (Ret.), in "Not wrong or right, just left or right": Planning ahead for career transitions. Questions answered and themes covered in this interview include: What skills is Gen Z missing? Many Gen Z adults have had fewer opportunities to develop five critical skills: creativity, problem-solving, independence, autonomy, and communication (including socialization). The gap traces back to childhood. Carter points to the 1981 abduction of Adam Walsh. Amplified by a new 24-hour news cycle and later America's Most Wanted, it left many parents afraid to send kids outside to play. This began a decline in outdoor play through the 1990s and into the early 2000s, hindering certain types of creativity and imaginative play. Indoors, a stick can no longer become a sword or an oar, and single-purpose toys replace imagination. A child holds up a juice box and a caregiver opens it—no problem-solving or words required. Early video games at least had a wire that kept kids on the same couch talking; today's gamers can play strangers anywhere in the country and beyond without saying a word. Leaders who feel like they're parenting young employees are partly right. Carter calls it developing and an opportunity to help them grow "not just in your company or your military unit, but in their lifetime." What do leaders get wrong about Gen Z? Common complaints about Gen Z—that they're lazy, avoid eye contact, can't communicate without a phone or laptop, and just don't "get it"—are often misdiagnoses of something else, such as unclear priorities or inexperience. Take laziness. Carter advises leaders to "check your priorities and how you've communicated them." A young person who doesn't know your priorities may be focused on something they see as more important, and look lazy as a result. Limited eye contact usually reflects inexperience and uncertainty. Until now, most Gen Zers have related to adults as teachers or coaches. Those were transactional relationships with no expectation of ever reaching a level playing field. A professional setting is the first place they're expected to grow toward near-peer relationships. That's trainable. Set the expectation early: "One day you're going to be where I am. We're going to have a more near-peer conversation. How I'll note your understanding is you looking at me." Why does Gen Z ask "why"? Usually out of inexperience, not pushback. When the situation allows, the best response is to answer it. Many young officers and enlisted members don't yet see the big picture or where they fit in it. Their schooling also taught them that asking why gets them the answer for the test, so an early "why" can sound like they're hunting for one. Carter remembers asking why as a young ensign and hearing, "You don't need to know right now." Previous generations largely accepted a keep-your-head-down approach, but that no longer cuts it. A Gen Zer who doesn't get an answer can chase another opportunity, search the Internet, or ask peers. Depending on how jaded those peers are, the answer may not be the one you want them to hear. Explaining isn't always appropriate, but when it is, answering why fills the knowledge gap and earns buy-in. How do I develop a junior officer who needs constant direction? Start with self-reflection, then replace instructions with questions. Carter asks frustrated leaders: Did you have it all figured out when you were in their spot? She points to photos of herself as a brand-new ensign covered head to toe in mud and riding a tricycle in her flight suit—hardly setting the leadership example. Next, examine how you communicated expectations. If the honest answer is "they should have just known," that's not the right answer. Then ask for their thought process: What are you considering? What's the end state? How will we achieve it? What am I missing? What more do you need from me? That turns direction into "a dialogue and not just a dictation," jumpstarting problem-solving. To keep development from sliding into micromanagement, set a timeline (weekly developmental conversations for three or six months, for example) and a clear expectation of what they should handle on their own. How do veterans lead Gen Z employees in a civilian job? Recognize that the inexperience runs both ways, then lean on the planning skills that military service built. Even a very experienced leader is inexperienced in the civilian realm, so the friction is mutual. Carter suggests turning "why" back around: Why are you going about it that way? What are you really asking? Also ask the people you lead what they expect of you; the answer may be very different from the military's. Even "I don't know, bro" is a good answer—it lets you tell them what they can expect. The most valuable skill to carry over is planning. The military lays out a "golden path" for progression; the civilian world doesn't do a great job with that. When an assistant site manager Carter coaches said his promotion goal was to "communicate better," she asked, "How are we going to do it?" That deeper digging is what military people are conditioned to do. How can Gen Z succeed in their first job? Take ownership of building relationships, learning the organization, and asking the questions you need answered. Many Gen Zers join an organization based on a job description or mission statement they read online. When it isn't what they expected, they leave quickly. Carter's question for them: How much time did you invest in actually getting to know the organization? Relationships at work also look different. They're no longer transactional, like those with teachers and coaches. Instead, they're a new type of relationship you have to develop. Also, don't expect answers to simply show up, the way they did when an assignment meant reading textbook pages 10 through 87 for a test. "Now it's on you to ask the questions to get the information that you need to grow." Before you ask, reflect on what you're really trying to learn, so your question gets at the heart of it.