04: What is the Line Between Love and Self-Abandonment?

What happens when accepting the person you love starts requiring you to let go of too much of yourself? Kristien has spent years imagining a future where she and Stijn would eventually share a sober life. But as Dr. Pavini asks her to look more closely at that dream, a painful tension comes into focus: Kristien loves Stijn deeply, yet some of what she wants most from their relationship may never happen. When Kristien describes letting go of those hopes in the name of accepting him as he is, Dr. Pavini names something she has not fully seen in herself: self-abandonment. From there, the conversation turns toward the resentment that can grow when we stay attached to someone’s potential, the difference between a boundary and a threat, and the difficult question Kristien has been avoiding: can she imagine a life without Stijn as her partner? Stijn is also asked to examine his own pattern of taking responsibility for Kristien’s emotions. As they practice staying connected without trying to control, rescue, or fix each other, both begin confronting what it might mean to love without losing themselves. What Begins to Surface When acceptance quietly becomes self-abandonment Grieving the future you imagined with someone you love The resentment that can grow from loving someone’s potential The difference between compassion and taking responsibility for your partner’s feelings Staying emotionally connected without controlling, rescuing, or fixing This podcast focuses on relationship dynamics and is not intended to provide addiction treatment. If you or someone you love is struggling from the impact of untreated substance abuse, please seek support from qualified professionals who specialize in addiction. If something major in your relationship needs to shift, Book a Free Clarity Call with Dr. Pavini at https://pavini.as.me/ to find out what's possible. On our call, we'll get clear on: What's actually happening right now What you're longing for instead Whether working together is the right fit One or two things you can start doing differently right now You'll leave with clarity and a concrete next step. About the Host: Dr. Pavini Moray is a somatic coach and Relational Life Therapy practitioner with a PhD in Somatic Psychology. For more than 15 years, Pavini has worked with couples navigating relationship crisis, intimacy challenges, rupture, and repair. Their approach blends Relational Life Therapy, somatic work, and trauma-informed care to help couples understand the deeper patterns shaping how they connect, communicate, and love. https://www.pavinimoray.com/ Musical Attribution: Original podcast music composed by Luke Djordjevic Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below! Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can follow the podcast on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcast app. Leave us an Apple Podcasts review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you are enjoying the show, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts.