05: What Happens When a Kid Doesn't Hear "I Love You"

What happens when pulling away becomes the way you learned to stay safe? After Kristien names the possibility that she may not be able to stay in the relationship if alcohol remains such a powerful presence, Stijn is left confronting something he has not fully considered before: his own choices have an impact on whether the relationship survives. As Dr. Pavini turns the focus toward him, Stijn begins tracing a familiar pattern of withdrawal. Years ago, he retreated into a tiny boat cabin with bottles of wine and slowly stopped participating in life. Looking further back, he recognizes that leaving has been one of his oldest survival strategies, shaped by childhood abandonment and a father who offered criticism instead of connection. Then the conversation takes an unexpected turn toward Stijn’s teenage son. Suddenly, the work is no longer only about his relationship with Kristien. It becomes about what gets passed down, what can still be interrupted, and whether Stijn can offer his son something he never received himself. In one of the most tender moments of the season, Dr. Pavini asks what he would have wanted to hear from a loving father at 15. His answer is simple: “I love you would be nice.” What Begins to Surface How withdrawal can become a lifelong survival strategy The difference between physically staying and emotionally leaving What happens when shame and secrecy begin to loosen Breaking family patterns before they reach the next generation The love a child needed, and the love a parent can still choose to give This podcast focuses on relationship dynamics and is not intended to provide addiction treatment. If you or someone you love is struggling from the impact of untreated substance abuse, please seek support from qualified professionals who specialize in addiction. If something major in your relationship needs to shift, Book a Free Clarity Call with Dr. Pavini at https://pavini.as.me/ to find out what's possible. On our call, we'll get clear on: What's actually happening right now What you're longing for instead Whether working together is the right fit One or two things you can start doing differently right now You'll leave with clarity and a concrete next step. Interested in being considered for a future season of Salty Sweet? Visit https://pavinimoray.com to connect with Dr. Pavini. About the Host: Dr. Pavini Moray is a somatic coach and Relational Life Therapy practitioner with a PhD in Somatic Psychology. For more than 15 years, Pavini has worked with couples navigating relationship crisis, intimacy challenges, rupture, and repair. Their approach blends Relational Life Therapy, somatic work, and trauma-informed care to help couples understand the deeper patterns shaping how they connect, communicate, and love. https://www.pavinimoray.com/ Musical Attribution: Original podcast music composed by Luke Djordjevic Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below! Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can follow the podcast on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcast app. Leave us an Apple Podcasts review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you are enjoying the show, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts.