06: The Part of You You Learned to Hate

What happens when the voice you use against yourself sounds a lot like the parent who once hurt you? Stijn returns to the teenage version of himself he would rather leave behind. At first, all he can feel toward that boy is contempt. But as Dr. Pavini asks him to look again, something else begins to emerge: courage, grit, determination, and a young goalkeeper who was competing at a remarkable level while receiving zero recognition at home. A forgotten piece of Stijn’s story comes back into view, including the father who dismissed him, the parents who never knew what he had achieved, and the harshness Stijn still directs toward himself decades later. Dr. Pavini challenges him to interrupt that legacy, not only for his son, but for himself. The conversation then widens to the relationship. Dr. Pavini names the pattern she sees between Kristien and Stijn: Kristien sacrifices, pursues, reassures, and tries to rescue. Stijn retreats, becomes emotionally unavailable, and uses alcohol as distance. Between them sits a third party that keeps much of their attention away from the vulnerability underneath. If they want something different, both will have to come back to their own side of the relationship and take responsibility for the work that belongs to them. What Begins to Surface The contempt we can inherit and turn against ourselves Rediscovering strength in the parts of ourselves we rejected How childhood invisibility can shape adult intimacy The pursuer and withdrawer pattern taking shape between Kristien and Stijn What happens when a third thing carries the vulnerability a couple avoids This podcast focuses on relationship dynamics and is not intended to provide addiction treatment. If you or someone you love is struggling from the impact of untreated substance abuse, please seek support from qualified professionals who specialize in addiction. If something major in your relationship needs to shift, Book a Free Clarity Call with Dr. Pavini at https://pavini.as.me/ to find out what's possible. On our call, we'll get clear on: What's actually happening right now What you're longing for instead Whether working together is the right fit One or two things you can start doing differently right now You'll leave with clarity and a concrete next step. Interested in being considered for a future season of Salty Sweet? Visit https://pavinimoray.com to connect with Dr. Pavini. About the Host: Dr. Pavini Moray is a somatic coach and Relational Life Therapy practitioner with a PhD in Somatic Psychology. For more than 15 years, Pavini has worked with couples navigating relationship crisis, intimacy challenges, rupture, and repair. Their approach blends Relational Life Therapy, somatic work, and trauma-informed care to help couples understand the deeper patterns shaping how they connect, communicate, and love. https://www.pavinimoray.com/ Musical Attribution: Original podcast music composed by Luke Djordjevic Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below! Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can follow the podcast on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcast app. Leave us an Apple Podcasts review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you are enjoying the show, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts.