SEO F**king What - Get Found on Google and make money from your website with practical SEO tips

So a week or so ago, a bug in PHP took websites offline all over the world. Within minutes, some LinkedIn wanker was telling you to bin your WordPress site. Sit down. We need to talk. Hi, I'm Nikki Pilkington. My site is https://nikki-pilkington.com/ and in this episode of "SEO F**king What", I'm talking about the PHP mess, the WordPress panic, and why the people shouting loudest on social media are so often the last people you should be listening to. This was a PHP problem, not a WordPress problem, and for most small businesses on decent hosting it was fixed on the server while you slept. Moving your site to a different CMS would have fixed precisely fuck all. Here's what I'm covering: — What actually happened with PHP2Shell, and why your host probably sorted it without you lifting a finger — Why PHP lives on the server and your CMS sits on top of it, so this was never a WordPress problem — The "WordPress is dead, comment 'website' for the link" posts, and everything they conveniently left out — Why your comment is their metric and your panic is their sales funnel — Why none of this is new: same shite, different decade — Five checks for the next panic, including the "who benefits" test and whether they named everything that got hit — Why sometimes the right response is "noted, checked, we're fine" — A few heartfelt wishes for the hustle bros. Lego is involved. I also give you a proper piece of homework. Not the "might do that one day" kind. The actual do-it-this-week kind: get your host to confirm in writing that you're patched, write down who you'd call if your website broke tomorrow, and mute one panic merchant. If a mate sent you one of those "move off WordPress now" posts, send them this episode instead. Get found. Make money. And the next time LinkedIn tells you something's dead, ask them what they're selling. Chapters: 00:00 The PHP Panic 00:50 What Actually Broke 02:54 Who Profits From The Panic 04:10 Your Panic Is Their Sales Funnel 06:56 How To Handle The Next Panic Links mentioned: Non-Wanky SEO Courses: https://nonwankyseo.com Episode 11, on website migrations going wrong: https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/episode/ffs-let-your-seo-help-with-your-fking-website-migration Episode 2, on who actually owns your website stuff: https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/episode/your-seo-sht-who-actually-owns-it The PHP project's own announcements (the boring factual source): https://www.php.net/ Which PHP versions still get security fixes: https://www.php.net/supported-versions.php Follow Nikki: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nikkipilkington/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nikkipilkington/ Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/nikkipilkington.bsky.social

Who wrote the last blog post on your website? If the page says admin, Google's asking the same fucking question. So are your customers. Hi, I'm Nikki Pilkington. My site is https://nikki-pilkington.com/ and in this episode of "SEO F**king What", I'm talking about who wrote your website. AI has made faking an expert so easy that being a real one is now one of the best advantages you've got, and most of you are throwing it away by publishing everything as "admin". You've got the qualifications, the scars and the client stories, and the page that's meant to prove it is signed by a WordPress username. That's bollocks, and it's fixable in an afternoon. Here's what I'm covering: — Why "posted by admin", "posted by team" or no name at all throws away years of expertise you actually earned — Sports Illustrated's made-up writers, CNET Money Staff, and why a faceless byline protects nobody — The honest bit: an author bio isn't a ranking factor on its own, so why bother? Because it makes your expertise checkable by Google, by AI tools and by the person deciding whether to ring you — How Google joins the dots between you on your site, on LinkedIn, in the trade press and on that conference stage, and why that's the one thing AI can't fake — The dickheads inventing authors on purpose, and why a fake "medically reviewed by" is a liability, not a shortcut — How an "admin" username on WordPress can hand anyone who wants to break into your site half your login — The fix, step by step: real names, proper author pages, links that go both ways, Person schema with sameAs, honest reviewers, and existing somewhere other than your own website I also give you a proper piece of homework. Not the "might do that one day" kind. The actual do-it-this-week kind: five steps, starting with counting how many of your posts were written by "admin". If this is useful, send it to whoever runs your website. Especially if their name is Admin. Get found. Make money. And go and find out who the fuck admin is. Chapters: 00:00 Who Wrote Your Website 01:14 AI Made Faking Experts Easy 03:45 How Google Joins The Dots 06:25 The Fix And Your Homework Links mentioned: Non-Wanky SEO Courses (the On-Page SEO Toolkit is free, it was £200): https://nonwankyseo.com Episode 18, the content audit episode (including AI-written content): https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/episode/you-havent-read-your-own-website-have-you-time-for-a-content-audit Episode 12, on why you shouldn't stick GEO in your LinkedIn headline: https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/episode/ffs-seos-dont-add-geo-to-your-linkedin-headline Google's guidance on helpful, people-first content (the "who wrote this?" questions): https://developers.google.com/search/docs/fundamentals/creating-helpful-content Google's author markup best practices (only the name in the name field, and sameAs): https://developers.google.com/search/docs/appearance/structured-data/article Follow Nikki: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nikkipilkington/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nikkipilkington/ Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/nikkipilkington.bsky.social

Your web designer said your new site was SEO-friendly. It probably is. That's not the same as anyone finding it, and nobody told you. Hi, I'm Nikki Pilkington. My site is https://nikki-pilkington.com/ and in this episode of "SEO F**king What", I'm drawing a line that most web design proposals never draw. "SEO-friendly" means your site won't get in Google's way. "Search engine optimised" means somebody has made the decisions that get it found. They are absolutely fucking not the same thing, and the gap between them, where nobody agreed whose job it is, is the stuff that's keeping you off page one. This one is fairer to designers than my episode six, because most of them aren't conning anyone. I'm going to tell you where the design job stops, where the SEO job starts, and who's left holding the bit in the middle. Here's what I'm covering: — What "SEO-friendly" actually means on a web design proposal, and why it's a capability, not a result — The kitchen fitter who isn't cooking your dinner, and why an SEO-friendly site with no optimisation is a gorgeous kitchen with fuck all in the fridge — What your web designer owns: the build, sensible URLs, switching off the noindex setting at launch, the redirect map, a real sitemap, and whose name your Search Console, Analytics and domain are in — What your SEO owns: keyword research, which page targets which search, meta titles and H1s, the content plan, links, and months of watching and fixing — The bit in the middle that nobody owns, and why "who writes the meta titles?" is the question that gives it away — Seven questions to get answered in writing before anyone opens Figma, plus why a designer who says "you'll need someone else for the SEO" is worth their weight in gold I also give you a proper piece of homework. Not the "might do that one day" kind. The actual do-it-this-week kind: four checks, starting with whether your site is quietly telling Google to go away. If you build websites, there's something in here for you too: the SEO Build Pack for Web Designers, £35, one payment. If you've just had a new website built, or you build them, send this to your web designer. They'll either thank you or get very defensive, and both tell you something. Get found. Make money. And go and check that fucking noindex tag. Chapters: 00:00 SEO-Friendly Is Not Optimised 01:22 What The Two Phrases Mean 03:12 What The Designer And SEO Own 07:00 Seven Questions And Your Homework Links mentioned: Non-Wanky SEO Courses (the On-Page SEO Toolkit is free): https://nonwankyseo.com The SEO Build Pack for Web Designers (£35, one payment): [ADD BUILD PACK LINK] Episode 6, the designer episode (the one about the two grand plugin): https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/episode/the-fking-seo-your-web-designer-promised-vs-what-you-actually-got Episode 21, on H1s and meta titles: https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/episode/your-h1-and-meta-titles-are-killing-your-rankings-ffs Episode 11, on website migrations and redirects: https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/episode/ffs-let-your-seo-help-with-your-fking-website-migration Episode 2, on who actually owns your accounts: https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/episode/your-seo-sht-who-actually-owns-it Episode 24, with the 30-second H1 check: https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/episode/why-websites-built-with-ai-are-fuking-up-your-seo Google Search Console: https://search.google.com/search-console Follow Nikki: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nikkipilkington/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nikkipilkington/ Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/nikkipilkington.bsky.social

You've got a signed SEO contract you've never read, and somewhere in it is the reason you can't leave. Let's go and find it. Hi, I'm Nikki Pilkington. My site is https://nikki-pilkington.com/ and in this episode of "SEO F**king What", I'm going through the document, not the sales pitch. I've already done an episode on the red flags to spot before you hire an SEO agency. This one's for everyone who already has, and signed a contract they skimmed at best, on the strength of a conversation and a proposal deck that were both a lot friendlier than the paperwork. Contracts aren't inherently a stitch-up, and a decent one protects both of you. What I've got a problem with is a very specific set of clauses that exist to make it hard for you to leave when the work isn't working. Here's what I'm covering: — How a notice period and an auto-renewal turn a 12-month term into 15 months, or another full year of something you'd already decided to stop — My honest position on minimum terms: when three to six months is fair, and when 12 months is about churn — Why a schedule of work full of adjectives can't be enforced — Who owns your content, your links and your accounts when you leave, and why you want to see the word "assign", not "licence" — Exclusivity, non-disparagement, and the clause that blames you for not implementing their recommendations — The handover clause most contracts don't have at all — The two-document test: put the proposal next to the contract and see how much of what you were sold you can actually hold anyone to I also give you five bits of homework, including the one date that needs to go in your calendar today and a one-line email to send this week. I'm not a solicitor and this isn't legal advice. If there's serious money involved, get a proper commercial solicitor to look at it. If you know someone who's about to sign an SEO contract, send them this. 15 minutes now beats a year of regret. Get found. Make money. Stop stressing. And go and find out when your notice period ends. Chapters: 00:00 — Why Your SEO Contract Matters 01:13 — Notice Periods And What You Get 03:35 — Who Owns The Work When You Leave 06:35 — The Two-Document Test And Homework Links mentioned: Non-Wanky SEO Courses (the On-Page SEO Toolkit is free): https://nonwankyseo.com Episode 2, on who actually owns your SEO and your accounts: https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/episode/your-seo-sht-who-actually-owns-it Episode 23, on why I don't want you buying links: https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/episode/stop-buying-backlinks-ffs The red flags episode, for spotting a dodgy agency before you hire them: [ADD EPISODE URL] What you're actually paying your SEO for (Ep 9, if that's the one she means by "I've covered this before"): https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/episode/what-the-fk-your-seo-is-actually-charging-you-for-and-why-its-a-scam Google's own advice on hiring an SEO ("No one can guarantee a #1 ranking on Google"): https://developers.google.com/search/docs/fundamentals/do-i-need-seo UK government guidance on who owns copyright in work you commission: https://www.gov.uk/ownership-of-copyright-works Follow Nikki: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nikkipilkington/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nikkipilkington/ Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/nikkipilkington.bsky.social Mentioned in this episode: ICN Network

Somebody is going to tell you your competitor is attacking your SEO, and then offer to protect you for a monthly fee. That's the con. But there are real attacks, and they're not the ones being sold to you. Hi, I'm Nikki Pilkington. My site is https://nikki-pilkington.com/ and in this episode of "SEO F**king What", I'm taking apart negative SEO: the idea that someone else can deliberately damage your rankings. It's one of the most effective fear sales in this industry because it does two things at once. It explains away a drop that might be your agency's fault, and it justifies a new line on an invoice. I'm going to tell you what's mostly rubbish, and then I'm going to tell you what's real, because there are ways someone can do you harm, and no one's selling protection for those. Funny that. Here's what I'm covering: — Why dumping thousands of dodgy links on a competitor used to work, and why it doesn't now (Google moved from punishing the site to ignoring the rubbish around 2016) — The disavow tool: the one situation it genuinely belongs in, and why the monthly "backlink monitoring" line on your invoice is probably protecting you from nothing — Why "a competitor attacked you" is such a convenient explanation for someone whose work you're questioning, and the three questions to ask before you accept it — The real threats nobody sells protection for, starting with the fact that anyone can suggest an edit to your Google Business Profile, including that you're permanently closed — Hacked sites, fake copyright complaints that get your pages removed from Google, review bombing, and the ex-agency that still holds your logins — Four free checks you can do this week, plus my favourite kind of homework: cancelling something I also give you a proper piece of homework. Four checks, all free, and one thing to cancel. Not the "might do that one day" kind. The actual do-it-this-week kind, including a 10-second look in Search Console that tells you whether anybody has penalised you. If you know someone who's just been told they're under attack, send them this. It might save them a monthly fee. Get found. Make money. Stop stressing. And go and check your opening hours. Chapters: 00:00 — Somebody's about to sell you protection 02:30 — The disavow tool: where the money is 04:03 — The real threats nobody's selling you protection for 07:55 — Homework: four free checks 09:43 — The negative homework: cancel the protection Links mentioned: Non-Wanky SEO Courses (the On-Page SEO Toolkit is now free): https://nonwankyseo.com Google on the disavow tool (and why most sites don't need it): https://support.google.com/webmasters/answer/2648487 Search Console manual actions report: https://support.google.com/webmasters/answer/9044175 Search Console security issues report: https://support.google.com/webmasters/answer/9044101 Google's spam policies (including hacked content): https://developers.google.com/search/docs/essentials/spam-policies Episode 2, on who actually owns your Google accounts: https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/episode/your-seo-sht-who-actually-owns-it The review side of things: https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/episode/handle-your-reviews-legally-or-risk-a-300000-fine Follow Nikki: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nikkipilkington/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nikkipilkington/ Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/nikkipilkington.bsky.social Mentioned in this episode: ICN Network