It Was a PHP Problem, Not a WordPress Problem, FFS!

So a week or so ago, a bug in PHP took websites offline all over the world. Within minutes, some LinkedIn wanker was telling you to bin your WordPress site. Sit down. We need to talk. Hi, I'm Nikki Pilkington. My site is https://nikki-pilkington.com/ and in this episode of "SEO F**king What", I'm talking about the PHP mess, the WordPress panic, and why the people shouting loudest on social media are so often the last people you should be listening to. This was a PHP problem, not a WordPress problem, and for most small businesses on decent hosting it was fixed on the server while you slept. Moving your site to a different CMS would have fixed precisely fuck all. Here's what I'm covering: — What actually happened with PHP2Shell, and why your host probably sorted it without you lifting a finger — Why PHP lives on the server and your CMS sits on top of it, so this was never a WordPress problem — The "WordPress is dead, comment 'website' for the link" posts, and everything they conveniently left out — Why your comment is their metric and your panic is their sales funnel — Why none of this is new: same shite, different decade — Five checks for the next panic, including the "who benefits" test and whether they named everything that got hit — Why sometimes the right response is "noted, checked, we're fine" — A few heartfelt wishes for the hustle bros. Lego is involved. I also give you a proper piece of homework. Not the "might do that one day" kind. The actual do-it-this-week kind: get your host to confirm in writing that you're patched, write down who you'd call if your website broke tomorrow, and mute one panic merchant. If a mate sent you one of those "move off WordPress now" posts, send them this episode instead. Get found. Make money. And the next time LinkedIn tells you something's dead, ask them what they're selling. Chapters: 00:00 The PHP Panic 00:50 What Actually Broke 02:54 Who Profits From The Panic 04:10 Your Panic Is Their Sales Funnel 06:56 How To Handle The Next Panic Links mentioned: Non-Wanky SEO Courses: https://nonwankyseo.com Episode 11, on website migrations going wrong: https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/episode/ffs-let-your-seo-help-with-your-fking-website-migration Episode 2, on who actually owns your website stuff: https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/episode/your-seo-sht-who-actually-owns-it The PHP project's own announcements (the boring factual source): https://www.php.net/ Which PHP versions still get security fixes: https://www.php.net/supported-versions.php Follow Nikki: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nikkipilkington/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nikkipilkington/ Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/nikkipilkington.bsky.social