140. Over-Apologizing, People Pleasing, and Swallowing Your Needs | The Anxious Attachment Communication Pattern

Have you ever sent "ok cool" when nothing about it felt cool? In this episode of the Speak Honest Podcast, Jenn Noble kicks off a special October series covering all four attachment stances and how each one shows up in the way we communicate, starting with anxious attachment. She draws on John Bowlby's idea of attachment as an alarm system and Sue Johnson's pursue and withdraw dance to break down three patterns. The first is the message underneath the message, where every double text is quietly asking "are we okay?" The second is the hinting and testing that sets a partner up to fail tests he never knew he was taking. The third is the overexplaining and people pleasing that keeps needs swallowed until they spill out over a single dish in the sink. With smoke detectors, fettuccine, and a 4 p.m. sleeve of crackers as her guides, Jenn shares simple scripts for regulating first and speaking second, so one calm sentence can do the work of ten anxious texts. You might want to listen if: You double text, overthink his reply time, or panic when he doesn't text back You hint at what you want in your relationship and feel hurt when your partner misses it You overexplain, overapologize, or people please to keep the peace You swallow your needs until they explode over something small You want to learn how to communicate with anxious attachment without pushing your partner away WORK WITH ME 🎯 Schedule your FREE 30-min Attachment Assessment with Jenn — see if the Fall 2026 Cohort is the right fit for you Ready Now? Join the Speak Honest Academy Apply for FREE Podcast Coaching with Jenn Ask your Coach a question — it might get featured on the show LEARN MORE Grab your copy of the #1 best-selling book, Dance of Attachment Visit www.speak-honest.com to learn more Watch Jenn's 🔴 TEDx Talk STAY CONNECTED Join our FREE Speak Honest Facebook Group 🧡 Follow Jenn on Instagram: @speak_honest Enjoying the show? A review helps other women find us! DISCLAIMER:  Speak Honest podcast content is informational, not professional or medical advice. Jenn is an ICF relationship coach, not a licensed therapist. Consult health professionals for specific concerns. Client opinions do not reflect Speak Honest’s stance. We aim for acc...