Ep. 131 - Attachment Wounds, Perfectionism & Identity in Christ: Who Are You Without the Role? | Jennifer Coulter, LCSW

Who are you when you are not achieving, fixing, performing, helping, or being the strong one? In Episode 131 of The Holistic Counselor Podcast, Diana S. Rice, LMHC, CIMHP, QS, sits down with Jennifer Coulter, LCSW, Marriage & Family Therapist Associate, licensed minister, speaker, and founder of Restorative Solutions, to explore identity, attachment wounds, faith, relational healing, and the stories we learn to live from. Jennifer shares how achievement became a source of affirmation in her own life—and why healing did not require her to stop achieving, but to stop asking achievement to tell her who she was. Together, Diana and Jennifer unpack how childhood experiences, family systems, church culture, shame, relationships, and unmet attachment needs can shape the "I am" statements we carry into adulthood. They explain how narrative therapy can help separate a person from a problem, role, label, or survival pattern so a different story can begin to take shape. The conversation also explores anxious and avoidant attachment, family-of-origin work, perfectionism, people-pleasing, grief, boundaries, faith deconstruction, church hurt, and spiritual wounds. Jennifer offers a simple framework for building a more rooted identity: know the truth, believe the truth, and build a life that agrees with it. IN THIS EPISODE: • Why achievement can become tied to self-worth and identity • The difference between a wound, role, behavior pattern, and identity • How attachment injuries can affect trust, self-worth, emotional regulation, and relationships • Why Jennifer asks, "What did you crave as a child?" • How narrative therapy helps people examine and reauthor dominant stories • Why changing an old identity can involve grief • The difference between inherited faith and examined faith • A practical "I am" identity inventory for self-reflection CHAPTERS: 00:00:00 — Who are you when you're not the strong one? 00:03:06 — Who is Jennifer beyond what she does? 00:05:41 — When achievement becomes identity 00:13:56 — Growing up in church and examining inherited faith 00:22:59 — Wounds, roles, survival patterns, and identity 00:27:21 — Family-of-origin work and childhood needs 00:30:53 — Narrative therapy and reauthoring the story 00:37:53 — Anxious and avoidant attachment 00:46:43 — Grieving an old identity 00:52:02 — Faith, relationships, and restoring identity 00:54:18 — Know, believe, and build 01:04:22 — The "I am" identity inventory ABOUT JENNIFER: Jennifer Coulter is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Marriage & Family Therapist Associate, licensed minister, speaker, and founder of Restorative Solutions in Louisville, Kentucky. Her work includes attachment and relationships, identity and purpose, trauma, faith and spirituality, anxiety, depression, grief, and life transitions. Jennifer provides psychotherapy in Kentucky. Restorative Solutions also offers Restored, a seven-week identity restoration experience, and The Living Room, a spiritual formation community. CONNECT WITH JENNIFER: www.restorativesolutions.co Instagram: @restorativesols Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/restorativesols Youtube: Restorative Solutions RESOURCES MENTIONED: Attached — Amir Levine, MD, and Rachel Heller Hold Me Tight — Dr. Sue Johnson Acts 17:11 | Isaiah 1:26 | Romans 12:2 THE HOLISTIC COUNSELOR: www.theholisticcounselor.com Educational disclaimer: This episode is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for psychotherapy, medical care, diagnosis, or individualized treatment.