The Dating Coach: You’re Probably Dating Wrong!

Dating doesn't have to be this hard; we've just been doing it wrong, and it's costing us years. How to stop being single, date successfully, and find the person who's actually right for you. We cover dating rules, red flags, confidence, ghosting, and what the apps are doing to us. Sera Bozza went from architect to dating columnist to evidence-based dating coach, and has spent hundreds of hours sitting with men and women stuck in the same loops. We get into why ghosting hurts more than it used to, why men and women swipe in opposite ways, the profile mistake that attracts exactly the wrong person, and why "I'm just picky" is usually something else entirely. Plus: her script for ending things without ghosting, the one word that makes people argue back, and why the dopamine you burn before a date decides how it goes. Follow Sera: @serabozza In this episode, she explains: ■ Why Dating Feels So Harsh Now: How having more platforms to follow someone across makes ghosting feel bigger, and why people treat matches differently from someone they’d meet in person. ■ Men, Women and the Apps: How the two sexes tend to use dating apps differently, why that creates a mismatch, and what each side gets wrong about the other. ■ Ballsy Like Bozza: Why confidence comes from getting “reps” in real life, her tips for approaching someone you like, and why the win is simply that you tried. ■ Better Profiles and Better Dates: Why a highlight reel of once-in-a-lifetime photos doesn’t help, why curiosity beats scripted questions, and why activity dates beat the interview-style drink. ■ Red Flags and Reality Checks: Her quick-fire verdicts, why picky “types” are often about avoidance, and how a kind, honest “no thanks” can turn a date into a friend. ■ Get Out of the Echo Chamber: Why she asks clients to reset their feeds and dopamine before a date, and why many people absorb dating horror stories that never happened to them. 00:00 Intro  01:36 From Architect to Dating Coach  02:30 Why Dating Changed  04:29 Why We Ghost Each Other  06:36 How Men and Women Use the Apps  09:10 What Men Come to Her For  12:18 Why Confidence Is About Reps  13:45 Approaching People in Real Life  15:42 Who’s More Likely? Game  17:12 Biggest Mistakes on Apps  18:23 How to Build a Better Profile  21:10 Is Dating Too Much Like an Interview?  23:29 Side-by-Side and Activity Dates  25:26 How Many People Should You Date at Once?  29:03 The Red Flags Women Ignore  30:08 Red Flag or Green Flag?  34:35 Why People Are So Picky  35:54 How Long to Wait After a Breakup  39:14 Chronic Daters and Dopamine  43:04 How to Say “Thanks, But No Thanks”  46:18 Is Dating Really Broken?  53:32 Setting Up Your Profile as a Goal-Setting Exercise  56:27 Manifesting and the “Shitty First Draft” After a Date  59:17 Fill in the Blank Questions asked in this episode (for reference): How did you end up as a dating coach? What made you pick up a pen and write about dating? Were the men you coached as frustrated as your girlfriends? Why did ghosting and situationships take off, and what did we unlearn? Do men and women approach dating differently? Do women have higher expectations, and do men treat dates like interviews? What do people come to you for, and what do women come for? Why do people lack confidence approaching others, and what tip helps? Who’s more likely to: catch feelings first, ghost after a great date, be picky, blame the apps? What are the biggest mistakes people make on apps and in dating? What’s the best first-date question? Are we approaching dates wrong by treating them like interviews? Are there dating rules we should follow, and how do you tell someone’s invested? Should we limit how many people we see at once? What’s the biggest red flag women ignore? Red flag or green flag: slow replies, never organising dates, mentioning a therapist, “I feel like I’ve known you forever,” long-term single, several dates a week? Why are people so specific about their type? How long should we wait to date after a breakup? Do some people date for the wrong reasons? What do you mean by minimising dopamine before a date? How do you politely say “thanks, but no thanks”? Is dating “broken,” or is it an echo chamber? What’s a social media dating myth you hate? Do very independent people struggle to date? What mantra helps you approach someone? Fill in the blank: run if they..., wait how many dates, no second date if they..., why people stay single, most underrated green flag.