We Think We Know

Do you think you’d notice if a partner was controlling you? Most of us do, and most of us are wrong. Sam explains how coercive control starts with attention that feels like love and slowly takes away your money, your friends, your family, and your freedom. She also explains why “just leave” is never that simple. Sam is a coercive control survivor, a mum, and one of Australia’s most prominent voices educating women about controlling relationships. After leaving, she gave evidence that helped send her ex-partner to prison, then turned her experience into a social media platform with millions of views. She now helps women recognise the warning signs, find the language for what they’re living through, and support the people they love. In this episode, she explains: * The Slow Squeeze: Coercive control is a pattern of small incidents that quietly strips away your autonomy until you’re managing someone else’s moods instead of living your own life. * The Red Flags That Look Like Love: Constant texting, sudden jealousy, and deleting male friends “as a boundary” are easy to read as devotion in the first weeks. * Why You Don’t See It: The boiling frog effect, isolation, gaslighting, minimising, self-blame and trauma bonding all work to keep victims from recognising what’s happening. * The Money Trap: How economic abuse works in real life, from drained credit cards and locked accounts to being questioned over a coffee. * Why Couples Counselling Can Backfire: What Sam learned about getting therapy, and why individual support matters before and after you leave. * How to Really Help Someone: Why pressuring a friend to leave can push them further away, and what to do instead. Follow Sammie: Instagram: @sammieejade0 TikTok: @sammieejade0 00:00 Intro 01:02 Why Sam Became a Public Advocate 03:05 What Is Coercive Control? 05:43 How It Started: The Fairy Tale Beginning 07:01 The First Red Flags 08:56 How Entrapment Actually Happens 11:12 Did Anyone Around Her Notice? 13:14 When the Control Escalated 16:43 Isolation During Covid 19:32 Why Victims Don’t Recognise It 21:40 Trauma Bonding Explained 22:25 Why Couples Therapy Doesn’t Work 26:17 Economic Abuse 30:53 Control in the Bedroom 35:27 What Stress Does to Your Body 36:43 “Why Didn’t You Just Leave?” 40:12 The Day She Left 45:46 Stalking, AVOs & Fear of Release 48:31 Why She Went Public 51:16 Rebuilding Your Life 53:06 How to Help Someone You’re Worried About 54:43 “No Is a Complete Sentence” If you or someone you know is affected by domestic or family violence in Australia, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732.

We were told psychedelics would fry your brain. Today, in clinical trials, they're being used to help people with depression, PTSD, and anxiety heal from what happened to them. DrEsme Dark is a clinical psychologist and somatic psychotherapist who spent a decade working with trauma survivors and refugees. She now guides people through psilocybin- and MDMA-assisted therapy in Australia, one of the leading countries in the field, and is involved in a first-of-its-kind trial using psilocybin for concussion. She also hosts the podcast Beyond the Trip. In this episode, she explains: ■ From Trauma Work to Psychedelics: How her work with trauma survivors led her to the research, and why the most surprising thing she has learned is that you never know where a person’s journey will go. ■ The Snow Globe Effect: How psychedelics change the way the brain communicates, why she compares the experience to shaking a snow globe, and how that can loosen the rigid thought patterns that keep people stuck. ■ MDMA Is Not a Classic Psychedelic: What makes it different, why it can help people work through trauma, and the surprising history of where it started. ■ What Therapy Actually Looks Like: The preparation sessions, what happens on dose day, and why the integration afterwards matters most. The medicine supports the therapy, not the other way around. ■ Is It Real? Why she says science and mystery both belong in this conversation, how traditional cultures have used these medicines for thousands of years, and why the feeling of an experience can matter even when the content isn’t literal. ■ Myth or True: A quick-fire round on addiction, brain damage, getting “stuck” on a trip, and whether you can reach a similar state without a drug. This episode discusses trauma and mental health. It is educational and not medical advice. In Australia, psychedelic-assisted therapy is only available through authorised clinicians and approved trials. 01:15 Intro: From Trauma Work to Psychedelic Therapy 03:11 What Has the Brain Taught Her? 04:15 What Are Classic Psychedelics? 06:00 How Psychedelics Change the Brain 07:43 Rumination, Depression and the Snow Globe 09:09 The Window of Flexibility After a Session 10:37 MDMA: What Makes It Different 13:58 Who Is Psychedelic Therapy Used For? 15:14 Why Did Research Stop? The War on Drugs 18:36 Thousands of Years of Traditional Use 20:39 Spirituality, Science and Mystery 22:58 What Happens on Dose Day 25:15 Nerves, Safety and Difficult Experiences 26:05 Common Themes in Sessions 28:43 Ego Dissolution 30:38 Are the Visions Real? 33:26 End-of-Life Experiences 35:35 A Client Story: Healing Childhood Trauma 36:39 Why Self-Medicating Is Risky 42:04 Integration: What Happens After 43:11 Microdosing 44:56 Myth or True 45:42 Can You Reach These States Without a Drug? 51:26 Who Can Access Psychedelic Therapy? 52:36 The Myth She Wants to Kill Questions asked in this episode (for reference): How would you connect your past career to what you do now? What’s the most surprising thing you’ve learned about the human brain? What are the classic psychedelics? How do they work on the brain, and why do they change our perception? Is the default mode network what creates the sense of ego? Is it overactive in depression? Why is it possible to shake up our beliefs and thought patterns? Is that critical period similar to the learning windows in childhood? Can you explain MDMA? What would therapy look like for someone with severe PTSD? What are the other psychedelics typically used for, and who do you recommend them for? Why has it taken science so long to come back to psychedelics? Which cultures have used psychedelics, and what is the connection between consumption and spirituality? What do you make of theories like the burning bush? How does dose day work, and are people scared? Could anxiety or a lack of safety lead to a bad experience? What are the common themes people experience, and do you guide them? Is ego dissolution a common theme? Are the hallucinations real, and has this changed how you see reality? What do people experience near the end of life? Can you share an example of a client’s experience? Can a lack of a therapist make things more confusing for people who self-medicate? Do people ever resolve their problems in one session? Does integration have to happen in the window afterwards? What’s the value of microdosing? Quick-fire: true or myth? Who would you advise to try psychedelic therapy? What’s one myth about psychedelics you’d like to kill once and for all? How is the brain connected to the rest of the body? This episode is for educational purposes only and isn't medical advice. If you're considering psychedelic-assisted therapy, speak to your GP.

Dating doesn't have to be this hard; we've just been doing it wrong, and it's costing us years. How to stop being single, date successfully, and find the person who's actually right for you. We cover dating rules, red flags, confidence, ghosting, and what the apps are doing to us. Sera Bozza went from architect to dating columnist to evidence-based dating coach, and has spent hundreds of hours sitting with men and women stuck in the same loops. We get into why ghosting hurts more than it used to, why men and women swipe in opposite ways, the profile mistake that attracts exactly the wrong person, and why "I'm just picky" is usually something else entirely. Plus: her script for ending things without ghosting, the one word that makes people argue back, and why the dopamine you burn before a date decides how it goes. Follow Sera: @serabozza In this episode, she explains: ■ Why Dating Feels So Harsh Now: How having more platforms to follow someone across makes ghosting feel bigger, and why people treat matches differently from someone they’d meet in person. ■ Men, Women and the Apps: How the two sexes tend to use dating apps differently, why that creates a mismatch, and what each side gets wrong about the other. ■ Ballsy Like Bozza: Why confidence comes from getting “reps” in real life, her tips for approaching someone you like, and why the win is simply that you tried. ■ Better Profiles and Better Dates: Why a highlight reel of once-in-a-lifetime photos doesn’t help, why curiosity beats scripted questions, and why activity dates beat the interview-style drink. ■ Red Flags and Reality Checks: Her quick-fire verdicts, why picky “types” are often about avoidance, and how a kind, honest “no thanks” can turn a date into a friend. ■ Get Out of the Echo Chamber: Why she asks clients to reset their feeds and dopamine before a date, and why many people absorb dating horror stories that never happened to them. 00:00 Intro 01:36 From Architect to Dating Coach 02:30 Why Dating Changed 04:29 Why We Ghost Each Other 06:36 How Men and Women Use the Apps 09:10 What Men Come to Her For 12:18 Why Confidence Is About Reps 13:45 Approaching People in Real Life 15:42 Who’s More Likely? Game 17:12 Biggest Mistakes on Apps 18:23 How to Build a Better Profile 21:10 Is Dating Too Much Like an Interview? 23:29 Side-by-Side and Activity Dates 25:26 How Many People Should You Date at Once? 29:03 The Red Flags Women Ignore 30:08 Red Flag or Green Flag? 34:35 Why People Are So Picky 35:54 How Long to Wait After a Breakup 39:14 Chronic Daters and Dopamine 43:04 How to Say “Thanks, But No Thanks” 46:18 Is Dating Really Broken? 53:32 Setting Up Your Profile as a Goal-Setting Exercise 56:27 Manifesting and the “Shitty First Draft” After a Date 59:17 Fill in the Blank Questions asked in this episode (for reference): How did you end up as a dating coach? What made you pick up a pen and write about dating? Were the men you coached as frustrated as your girlfriends? Why did ghosting and situationships take off, and what did we unlearn? Do men and women approach dating differently? Do women have higher expectations, and do men treat dates like interviews? What do people come to you for, and what do women come for? Why do people lack confidence approaching others, and what tip helps? Who’s more likely to: catch feelings first, ghost after a great date, be picky, blame the apps? What are the biggest mistakes people make on apps and in dating? What’s the best first-date question? Are we approaching dates wrong by treating them like interviews? Are there dating rules we should follow, and how do you tell someone’s invested? Should we limit how many people we see at once? What’s the biggest red flag women ignore? Red flag or green flag: slow replies, never organising dates, mentioning a therapist, “I feel like I’ve known you forever,” long-term single, several dates a week? Why are people so specific about their type? How long should we wait to date after a breakup? Do some people date for the wrong reasons? What do you mean by minimising dopamine before a date? How do you politely say “thanks, but no thanks”? Is dating “broken,” or is it an echo chamber? What’s a social media dating myth you hate? Do very independent people struggle to date? What mantra helps you approach someone? Fill in the blank: run if they..., wait how many dates, no second date if they..., why people stay single, most underrated green flag.

You'd know a dangerous person if you met one. Wouldn't you? Gary Jubelin spent over 20 years as a homicide detective. He's interviewed murderers and men he calls pure evil. What he learned is uncomfortable: the difference between the people who kill and the rest of us is smaller and more circumstantial than we like to think. In this episode: the red flags that come before violence and why police dismissed them for years. The two tells that give away a liar and why prison makes most people worse. In this episode, he explains: ■ The Gut Feeling Trap: A detective’s “instinct” is really years of accumulated experience. It can point you in a direction, but you can’t create the facts to suit it. ■ Prison Without the Monsters: Why a maximum-security prison built on respect, education and a no-violence rule changed his mind about rehabilitation. He also explains why he believes most prisoners can be steered away from reoffending, and a minority never should be released. ■ How People Fall Into Crime: From gang glamour to the search for brotherhood, he explains why role models, boundaries and a sense of belonging can decide which path a young person takes. ■ The Red Flags Before a Murder: Why stalking, breached restraining orders and prior strangulation worry him most, and why he thinks tracking devices could save lives. ■ How to Spot a Liar: Selective memory loss, too much detail, and the power of sitting in silence during an interview. 00:00 Intro 01:48 Life of a Homicide Detective 04:46 Why Are We So Fascinated By True Crime? 07:30 Too Passionate? The Cost of Homicide Work 10:13 Is the Detective’s Gut Feeling Real? 12:41 Can You Sense Evil in a Person? 15:20 Do Prisons Rehabilitate or Create Monsters? 20:26 Nature vs Nurture: What Makes a Violent Offender? 24:15 How Role Models and Gangs Lead People Into Crime 28:23 Substance Abuse and Crime 30:26 Psychopathy, Prison and the Cost of Locking People Up 34:17 The Four Motives Behind Murder 36:40 Why Are Most Offenders Men? 38:34 The Warning Signs: Stalking and Strangulation 42:06 Should Offenders Wear Tracking Devices? 44:03 How Can People Protect Themselves? 46:18 How to Spot Predators Around Children 51:41 What To Do If You Feel You’re Being Followed 54:03 When Detectives Feel Fear 55:57 The Cases That Never Leave Him 59:12 The William Tyrrell Case 01:03:01 How Seeing Evil Changes You 01:05:14 How To Spot a Liar 01:08:06 Why Every Case Needs Humanity Questions asked in this episode (for reference): Could you tell us a little about your career and what got you here? Do people love true crime to learn how to protect themselves, to watch from a safe distance, or for entertainment? Were there cases where you were scared after hours, or too emotionally invested? What’s one thing about being a homicide detective that would surprise people? Is there such a thing as a detective’s gut feeling? Can you feel if someone has evil inside them? Do prisons help people, or make them into monsters? Is it more nurture than nature (e.g. the “warrior gene”)? Beyond that, what other factors increase the likelihood of violent crime? Does substance abuse raise the chance of violence? Wouldn’t offenders with mental health issues be better helped by psychologists? Can you link the reason for a crime to how rehabilitable someone is? Why are most murder offenders men? Are there red flags in behaviour before someone commits murder? How do you make a stalking victim feel safe, and how do people protect themselves now? Is there a tip that people tend to get wrong when they feel in danger? Was there ever a moment in your career when you were really scared? Is there a case that still weighs on you? Have you ever looked at someone and sensed they were “off”? What’s one thing we can look for when someone is lying?

You'll spend around 90,000 hours of your life working, so why do four in five people say they don't actually like their jobs? Checked out, numb, or quietly done. This episode is about finding real meaning in your work before your life in the wrong job! Hans Rosinek is a work researcher and bestselling author. He's spent years untangling what actually makes work feel worth it and right for you! In this episode, he explains: ■ The Meaning Pressure: Work has become “the last religion,” and expecting it to deliver your deepest purpose makes you easier to manipulate and harder to leave. Why a side project can make you more resilient. ■ The Four Kinds of Work: Paid work, care work, self work and political work all matter, and why only valuing wage labour ends up undermining wage labour itself. ■ The Laptop Worker Problem: Why people who never see the results of their work feel alienated, why they take up pottery on weekends, and how constant interruptions fragment our focus. ■ The Negotiation Trick: A simple reframe that turns your opponent’s reflexive “no” into your “yes” in salary talks, plus what to ask in interviews and how to spot red flags like “we’re a family.” ■ Gen Z and AI: Why the “lazy Gen Z” story is mostly a myth, why AI used only for speed leads to an efficiency trap and “workslop,” and why mediocrity has less and less room. 00:00 Intro 00:57 From Radio Presenter to Work Researcher 04:33 Can You Really “Do What You Love”? 06:03 The Dignity of “Dirty Jobs” 07:49 Which Jobs Are the Happiest? 10:58 Why Happiness Is the Wrong Goal 12:10 Laptop Workers and the Risk of Alienation 15:16 Why So Many People Are Disengaged 17:29 Home Office and the Junior Talent Pipeline 23:12 What Is “Meaning Pressure”? 26:02 The Four Kinds of Work 35:18 What Actually Motivates People? 38:18 Why Quiet Quitting Happens 42:19 What Makes a Good (and Bad) Manager? 49:19 Interview Red Flags for Young Workers 52:00 The Salary Negotiation Trick 57:55 Advice for Your First Years of Work 01:02:13 The Surfing Analogy for Your Career 01:05:12 Is Gen Z Really Lazy? 01:14:52 Are Entry-Level Jobs Disappearing? 01:17:42 If AI Is the Answer, What Is the Question? 01:21:56 Should We Have a Four-Day Week? 01:22:45 What To Do If You’re Lost at 20-Something 01:24:52 The Biggest Lies About Work Questions asked in this episode (for reference): Can you tell us a bit about yourself and how you got here? Is “do what you love” smart advice, or a privileged way of thinking? Have you found a job that is consistently happy? What happens psychologically to people who never see the output of their work? Is that why so many people are disengaged at work? Is home office good or bad for productivity? Does working from home put entry-level workers behind? What do you mean by “meaning pressure”? Isn’t a side hustle a privileged way of thinking? Should we all have a bit of each type of work? Are there factors that predict satisfaction and meaning at work? Why do more people engage in quiet quitting? What makes a manager good? What are three quick bad traits of a manager? If a company says “we’re a family,” should alarm bells go off? What other red flags should young workers look for? Is there any other tip for people just starting out? Is it true that Gen Z is lazy? Are entry-level jobs suffering the most right now? What do you mean by “if AI is the answer, what is the question?” Is a four-day work week a good thing? (yes or no) What tip would you give a 20-something who’s completely lost? What’s the biggest lie told to people about work?