When “No Big Deal” Becomes a Big Problem

What are we excusing that may be stealing our peace and joy? A little too much wine. A story that wasn’t ours to tell. A private exchange we wouldn’t want our spouse to read. Another purchase we hide. Repeating our grievances until anger becomes our constant companion. Nothing dramatic happens. No lightning bolt. No immediate exposure. So we dismiss the nudge of conscience: It’s no big deal. Everyone does it. The absence of immediate consequences doesn’t mean there is no harm. God’s patience is not His permission. Romans 2:4 reminds us that God’s kindness is intended to lead us to repentance. His mercy gives us an opportunity to change direction. But let’s not forget that forgiveness doesn’t prevent the consequences of our choices from tumbling back toward us. Our culture may call gossip “catching up,” drunkenness “partying,” lust “entertainment,” and greed “ambition.” But social acceptance cannot make destructive behavior harmless. Let’s use discernment in all of this—enjoying food is not always gluttony. Feeling attraction to someone is not always lust. A glass of wine with dinner is not necessarily drunkenness. Reporting abuse or seeking support is not gossip. The real question we must ask ourselves is: What are my choices doing to my character, my relationships, my peace, and the fulfillment of my purpose? James 1:14–15 describes how desire can grow into sin and destruction. Repetition makes crossing a line easier. Eventually, we may stop noticing the line. But we don’t have to wait until our behavior reaches crisis proportions. God can deliver us from the behaviors that hurt us. Here is where we begin. 1. Name the behavior without excusing it. We cannot surrender what we keep defending. Speak the truth outlaid to yourself. Say, “I’m drinking more than I intend. I’m sharing private information. I’m feeding resentment. Or I’m hiding things.” Be specific. Replace “Everyone does it” with “This is hurting me, and I want to change.” First John 1:9 assures us that God forgives and cleanses us when we confess. We can acknowledge sin without declaring ourselves hopeless. 2. Identify what leads up to it. Ask yourself about the circumstances the precede the behavior you want to change: When does this happen? Who am I with? What am I feeling? What am I hoping this behavior will do for me? Answer honestly. Consider that gossip may be providing you a sense of belonging. Shopping may offer you a feeling of distraction from the things that trouble you. Anger may create a false feeling of being in control. Recognizing our need ahead of time, helps us choose circumstances in which we’re better able to live as the best version of ourselves. When the urge for our destruction behavior comes, pause. Name the feeling. Pray, take a walk, call someone trustworthy, or rest. Practice meeting the need without repeating the harm. 3. Picture the example you want to set. Imagine those closest to you describing you the way you want them to see you. Then ask yourself: If my family and friends, especially the children in my life, did what I do, would I be proud or worried? Our actions teach others what is acceptable. People within our influence can also learn from watching us apologize, seek help, and make positive changes in our lives. Choose one action today that reflects the person you want them to see. 4. Plan before temptation arrives. Romans 13:14 instructs us not to make provision for sinful desires. Put that into practice by removing easy access and deciding ahead of time how you will respond. For gossip: Say, “That’s her story to tell.” Change the subject or leave the conversation. For drunkenness: Plan an alcohol-free evening. If drinking in certain situations feels difficult to control, choose not to go until you feel stronger. You can also seek qualified support. For lust: Unfollow tempting accounts, block pornography, and end secretive or flirtatious exchanges. For gluttony or overspending: Plan meals and purchases. Notice when you want comfort, and choose a response that actually addresses what is troubling you. For destructive anger: Stop talking to people about the things that make you angry. Pause before speaking, and address the problem calmly with God and someone who can help. For dishonesty: Correct the exaggeration or lie promptly. Practice telling the truth even when it costs you approval. Write a simple commitment: When _____________ happens, I will _____________. Change the setting when necessary. Good intentions are stronger when our surroundings support them. 5. Ask God for help, and act on it. Pray: Lord, help me recognize my weaknesses and the things that tempt me to sin and help me take the next right step. Then take that step. Close the app. Leave the conversation. Apologize. Ask a trusted person to check in with you. God’s help may come through Bible Scripture, a friend, a pastor, a counselor, or a recovery community. Receiving help is part of moving forward. If you stumble, confess, repair what you can, and strengthen your plan. Romans 8:1 assures us that there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ. We can return to Him and keep growing, but let’s not make that our failsafe position by going ahead with sin. We’re stronger than that. We protect our peace and joy through the choices we practice, not the ones we intend to make someday. Let someday be today. Pray: Lord, show me what I do that is holding me back from your good plan for my life. Please give me the strength and courage to change what I can, please change the things I can’t change, and please give me the humility to accept help. Help me choose what honors You today. Amen. Pray. Listen. Act. Repeat. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rhondasciortino.substack.com