Wounds to Wisdom Podcast with Rhonda Sciortino

What are we excusing that may be stealing our peace and joy? A little too much wine. A story that wasn’t ours to tell. A private exchange we wouldn’t want our spouse to read. Another purchase we hide. Repeating our grievances until anger becomes our constant companion. Nothing dramatic happens. No lightning bolt. No immediate exposure. So we dismiss the nudge of conscience: It’s no big deal. Everyone does it. The absence of immediate consequences doesn’t mean there is no harm. God’s patience is not His permission. Romans 2:4 reminds us that God’s kindness is intended to lead us to repentance. His mercy gives us an opportunity to change direction. But let’s not forget that forgiveness doesn’t prevent the consequences of our choices from tumbling back toward us. Our culture may call gossip “catching up,” drunkenness “partying,” lust “entertainment,” and greed “ambition.” But social acceptance cannot make destructive behavior harmless. Let’s use discernment in all of this—enjoying food is not always gluttony. Feeling attraction to someone is not always lust. A glass of wine with dinner is not necessarily drunkenness. Reporting abuse or seeking support is not gossip. The real question we must ask ourselves is: What are my choices doing to my character, my relationships, my peace, and the fulfillment of my purpose? James 1:14–15 describes how desire can grow into sin and destruction. Repetition makes crossing a line easier. Eventually, we may stop noticing the line. But we don’t have to wait until our behavior reaches crisis proportions. God can deliver us from the behaviors that hurt us. Here is where we begin. 1. Name the behavior without excusing it. We cannot surrender what we keep defending. Speak the truth outlaid to yourself. Say, “I’m drinking more than I intend. I’m sharing private information. I’m feeding resentment. Or I’m hiding things.” Be specific. Replace “Everyone does it” with “This is hurting me, and I want to change.” First John 1:9 assures us that God forgives and cleanses us when we confess. We can acknowledge sin without declaring ourselves hopeless. 2. Identify what leads up to it. Ask yourself about the circumstances the precede the behavior you want to change: When does this happen? Who am I with? What am I feeling? What am I hoping this behavior will do for me? Answer honestly. Consider that gossip may be providing you a sense of belonging. Shopping may offer you a feeling of distraction from the things that trouble you. Anger may create a false feeling of being in control. Recognizing our need ahead of time, helps us choose circumstances in which we’re better able to live as the best version of ourselves. When the urge for our destruction behavior comes, pause. Name the feeling. Pray, take a walk, call someone trustworthy, or rest. Practice meeting the need without repeating the harm. 3. Picture the example you want to set. Imagine those closest to you describing you the way you want them to see you. Then ask yourself: If my family and friends, especially the children in my life, did what I do, would I be proud or worried? Our actions teach others what is acceptable. People within our influence can also learn from watching us apologize, seek help, and make positive changes in our lives. Choose one action today that reflects the person you want them to see. 4. Plan before temptation arrives. Romans 13:14 instructs us not to make provision for sinful desires. Put that into practice by removing easy access and deciding ahead of time how you will respond. For gossip: Say, “That’s her story to tell.” Change the subject or leave the conversation. For drunkenness: Plan an alcohol-free evening. If drinking in certain situations feels difficult to control, choose not to go until you feel stronger. You can also seek qualified support. For lust: Unfollow tempting accounts, block pornography, and end secretive or flirtatious exchanges. For gluttony or overspending: Plan meals and purchases. Notice when you want comfort, and choose a response that actually addresses what is troubling you. For destructive anger: Stop talking to people about the things that make you angry. Pause before speaking, and address the problem calmly with God and someone who can help. For dishonesty: Correct the exaggeration or lie promptly. Practice telling the truth even when it costs you approval. Write a simple commitment: When _____________ happens, I will _____________. Change the setting when necessary. Good intentions are stronger when our surroundings support them. 5. Ask God for help, and act on it. Pray: Lord, help me recognize my weaknesses and the things that tempt me to sin and help me take the next right step. Then take that step. Close the app. Leave the conversation. Apologize. Ask a trusted person to check in with you. God’s help may come through Bible Scripture, a friend, a pastor, a counselor, or a recovery community. Receiving help is part of moving forward. If you stumble, confess, repair what you can, and strengthen your plan. Romans 8:1 assures us that there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ. We can return to Him and keep growing, but let’s not make that our failsafe position by going ahead with sin. We’re stronger than that. We protect our peace and joy through the choices we practice, not the ones we intend to make someday. Let someday be today. Pray: Lord, show me what I do that is holding me back from your good plan for my life. Please give me the strength and courage to change what I can, please change the things I can’t change, and please give me the humility to accept help. Help me choose what honors You today. Amen. Pray. Listen. Act. Repeat. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rhondasciortino.substack.com

Have you been told that you’re too loud? Too sensitive? Too intense? Too stubborn? Too ambitious? Too emotional? Too strong? Maybe you’ve been told that you’re too quiet. Too wimpy. Too weak. Unfeeling. Uncaring. Or you’ve heard that you’re too fat, too skinny, too dumb, too … fill in the blank on whatever ugly words that have been directed at you. But wait, stop, don’t. These kinds of words stick with us. They weigh down our hearts. They lead us to think all of our flaws, which always leads to a feeling of not being enough. Most of us can easily list all the things that are wrong with us, but we have to stop and think about everything that’s right with us. Criticism, well meaning or not, makes us question ourselves, our worth, our value, our significance, our meaning, and sometimes why we’re even here. At least it did for me. We respond in various ways. The more confident among us, blow off these criticisms and keep going. But if you’re like me, you think about it. You absorb it. After all, you’ve heard it before—it must be true. You’ve been asked, “what’s wrong with you?” But you really don’t have an answer. Inside you think, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” while silently agreeing that you are deeply flawed. Have you ever tried to change the things people criticized about you? I spent the first half of my life trying to be different than who I was—less loud, less intense, less strong-willed, less enthusiastic, less of a dreamer of big things. Less of someone who makes stupid jokes that seem to only be funny to me. Basically, I tried to be less me. I tried to change the things that people criticized. The frustrating part was that it’s really exhausting to try to be someone you’re not. You can only do it for so long until a time when you’re tired, not feeling well or generally irritable and your true personality starts showing through the facade. When that happens, people criticize you for being a fake, phony imposter. The bottom line is that you can try all you want to avoid criticism, but—please listen and take this in—there will always be someone who criticizes you. No matter what you do. So you might as well go ahead and be YOU. YOU ARE THE WAY YOU ARE FOR A PURPOSE When I started my business, I was working 60-80 hours a week. I was building the airplane while trying to fly it. And it was intense. All of my energy was going into my work. I literally didn’t have anything left at the end of those very long days. I didn’t have the energy to be someone I was not. In that first year of business, as I was learning by doing all the things that I had no experience or education in, I realized that the characteristics I had tried to eliminate were exactly what I needed! I’m tenacious. I just can’t give up and walk away on something I feel strongly about. I had been called “a dog with a bone” who just won’t let things go. It turns out that if I had been someone who just let go when things got tough, I never would have successfully taken my business nationwide. I’m loud. I’ve always had a hearing deficiency, so for most of my life, I didn’t realize I was louder than others. I was harshly disciplined when I was 4 years old for being too loud. Teachers, co-workers, neighbors and people at church had all asked me to turn down my volume. But when I spoke to groups of people about managing risk (the business I was in), my booming voice was handy when the microphone quit working. I’m strong, which is often clocked as overbearing. It turns out that a strong personality is exactly what was needed to advocate with legislators for children who have no voice, no vote and little power to protect themselves. I’ve been called demanding. I didn’t realize until I became an employer that everyone didn’t have my high standards for integrity, work ethic, and resourcefulness. The work of managing risk in child welfare organizations required those things. Anything less could jeopardize the safety of children. Eventually I realized that the character and personality traits that I spent years trying to tone down were the very things that equipped me fulfill my purpose. So what about you? Have you’ve been called too sensitive. Could that be empathy? Maybe you’ve been called stubborn. What if that’s perseverance? Maybe you’ve been criticized for being quiet. Are you the one who notices things that others miss? Maybe you’ve been called intense. Could that mean that you care deeply? Maybe you have been criticized for questioning everything. Are you the person willing to challenge something that others have accepted without question. This doesn’t mean that character or personality weaknesses can all be called strengths. Some attitudes need adjustment. Some behaviors need to be eliminated or adjusted. We are the best versions of ourselves when we grow in love, wisdom, humility, patience, generosity, kindness and self-control. We are at our best when we’re using our character and personality traits, talents, and abilities to help others. Let’s be careful not to confuse strengthening a weak area and trying to change the things that make you uniquely you. These may be the very things that equip and qualify you to fulfill your purpose. I’m not for everybody. Neither are you. And there is tremendous freedom in accepting that. The people who are right for you will not merely tolerate the best parts of who you are. They will understand, value and cherish them. So perhaps the question isn’t: “What’s wrong with me?” Perhaps it’s: “How can I use my uniqueness for good?” Purposeful Practice Examine what you’ve been criticized for. Be willing to grow. Listen when trustworthy people tell you how your behavior affects them. Then look at the other side of the coin. Ask yourself: What does this characteristic look like when it is disciplined by wisdom, directed by love and used for something bigger than me? Maybe you’re not supposed to become less. Maybe you’re supposed to discover that the person God created you to be is exactly what’s needed to do the things about which you’re passionate or to help improve the things that grieve your heart. Who you truly are is exactly what your purpose requires. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rhondasciortino.substack.com

Some of the people we’ve lost are still alive. There was no argument, betrayal or final goodbye. No one decided that the relationship no longer mattered. Life simply carried people in different directions until someone who had once been part of every ordinary day became someone remembered mostly through memories. The relationship did not necessarily end. It just stopped being current because the person is no longer in close enough range to share the details of daily life. The first cut is the deepest We’ve all had the painful experience of a friend moving away. It’s most painful when it happens as a kid. You lived in the same neighborhood, attended the same school and participated in the same sports, clubs and activities. You saw one another in classrooms, hallways, cafeterias, driveways and backyards. Some kids spent nearly every day together from elementary through high school. Your lives become intertwined through countless ordinary moments. You know who has a crush on whom, whose parents are arguing, who was embarrassed in class and who is worried about an upcoming test. You exchanged looks that required no explanation. You shared jokes no one else understood. And then suddenly all of that is over. You graduate, and almost immediately, people who had been inseparable disperse. One goes away to college. Another begins working. Someone joins the military. Another gets married. Some move away. New lives form around new circumstances and new people and the next thing you know, you’re hoping you’ll recognize them at the school reunion. No one broke up with anyone. No one stopped caring. The people you shared nearly every day with became part of each other’s history instead of the present. You promised to stay in touch, and for a while you did. You sent letters, notes and cards. You call, text and exchange photographs occasionally. FaceTime and Zoom give us a fighting chance of remaining connected across the chasm of separation, but technology cannot fully replace proximity. The moments most likely to disappear are not the major ones. We usually tell old friends about the engagement, the new job, the birth of a baby, or the diagnosis. What gets lost are the little details that rarely seem important enough to warrant a phone call—the insensitive comment someone made, the person who cut in front of us at the grocery store, the funny thing the dog did or the little ache we plan to ask the doctor about next week. Those details are usually shared with whoever happens to be within range. They are exchanged between neighbors grabbing the mail, students passing in the hallway, co-workers in the lunch room, carpoolers while driving home, or while waiting for their kids to get out of school. Scheduled conversations are the highlight reel. Proximity provides the raw footage. Over time, the people nearby begin to know the current version of us. They recognize the subtle change in our voice when something is wrong. They know about the situation at work that troubles us, and they can easily drop in to toast minor victories. Meanwhile, the people who once knew us best may know only the larger developments and the person we used to be. It is not that they no longer like us. They are simply sharing life with other people. When we finally see one another again, we pick up right where we left off. The affection is still there. The laughter comes easily, and the old stories are funny. But it is not quite the same. Much of our time is spent reminiscing because the past is still the place we share. We may know very little about the ordinary rhythms of one another’s current lives. Sometimes people become emotionally out of range while still physically present This is the spouse who accepts a job requiring constant travel or who is working 18-hour days. That person is gone for weeks on end or is home but leaves before dawn, returns home exhausted and collapses into bed only to do it again the next day. The couple may still love one another, but they are no longer sharing enough of life to remain emotionally close. Meanwhile, the working spouse spends nearly every waking hour with co-workers. They solve problems together, share meals, endure disappointments, celebrate successes and exchange all the little details that create familiarity. Gradually, the co-workers can begin to feel more like family than the family members left at home. This does not excuse infidelity. Betrayal remains a choice, and people are responsible for the boundaries they keep or violate. But if we want to protect relationships, we have to understand how being in range creates vulnerability. Emotional intimacy rarely disappears all at once. It migrates one small disclosure at a time. Someone else becomes the first person we tell, the person whose opinion we seek and the person who understands the context without needing an explanation. By the time the couple realize what’s happened, the relationship may already be running on autopilot. The warning signs The warning signs of friends or family drifting are usually subtle. Plans are talked about, but never acted on. Conversations become limited to the superficial, logistics related to plans and obligations, and major announcements. It’s not that we don’t want the other person to know what’s going on in our lives. It’s that we stop sharing the small things because explaining all the background is not worth the time and energy it takes. Eventually, we realize that someone we once were close to has become someone we connect with only on birthdays or holidays. But that doesn’t mean that we cannot make long distance relationships work by intentionally staying in range emotionally. Making long distance relationships work My dear high school friend Janet moved 3,000 miles away. My heart hurt. It felt as though she had taken a chunk of it with her. I had drifted away from other high school friends because we had gone different directions and were living vastly different lives, but I couldn’t stand the thought of that happening with Janet. If I wanted Janet to remain part of my life, we would have to be intentional about emotionally connecting. So I visited as often as I could. She came home every Christmas. Despite her big family wanting to spend time with her, she always carved out time for us to catch up. We scheduled trips together—not nearly as frequently as I would have liked, but I treasured every one of them. We made room for one another despite the miles, responsibilities and new friends we both had. Our time together became even more precious when Janet was diagnosed with cancer. We made a concerted effort to talk every day. Eventually, I lost her, but I will always have the memories we deliberately created because we chose to stay emotionally in range from the age of 14 to 54, when she left this life. As we grow, our relationships change We cannot keep every relationship exactly as it once was. If we’re growing and self-actualizing, we can’t keep any relationship exactly as it was, nor should we want to. Some people drift apart because they’ve grown in different areas. Or one person grows while the other does not. Or they have separated themself into groups that exclude others, as in politics, beliefs, values, socio-economic status, or any of the other ways that humans choose to become part of an “us versus them” mentality. Still, it doesn’t mean that anyone is to blame. A person can have been an important part of our story without being present in every chapter. In those cases, we can be grateful for what the relationship gave us. Extraordinary relationships are too precious to passively surrender. If you are determined to stay emotionally in range regardless of other differences, share the ordinary details, not only the major news. Schedule the visit and make it happen. Create rituals—a weekly phone call, an annual weekend or regular voice messages exchanged during the week. Ask questions about the person’s present instead of talking only about your shared past. Accept that the person you love will have new friends who are within range. Those relationships are not replacements. They are part of that person’s current life. I learned this at Janet’s funeral. I saw her co-workers, her neighbors, the couples in her Gourmet Club. These are people she had told me about. They weren’t a threat to me, just as I was not a threat to them. There is no need to compete. Loving others requires us to make room for change while protecting and cherishing the relationship. To have the healthiest connections, we must make time for the people closest to us. Let’s not be too distracted, busy or exhausted to remain within emotional range. Being too busy or tired is the way we allow ourselves to fall out of emotional range regardless of our physical proximity. Let’s be the one who hears the small details of our loved one’s lives. Let’s be the first one they want to call when they want to share something funny, painful or exciting. Proximity matters. It creates myriad opportunities for connection that distance can never completely reproduce. But heart connections built around the things that matter most can endure. Some people are meant to walk with us for only part of the journey. Others are worth rearranging our lives to keep. The important thing is to recognize the difference before someone we cannot imagine living without becomes a painful regret. Purposeful Practice Make a list of the people you’ve lost touch with, and make an effort to reconnect. Make a phone call, send a text, pick up your phone and record a quick video saying, “Hi, I’d love to catch up with you sometime.” Make a list of the people in your life who you’ve been too busy or tired to connect with recently. Make a date, give a card, write a note, pick up flowers, or plan a vacation to let that person know that they are a priority in your life. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rhondasciortino.substack.com

We insure houses that may never burn, plan vacations, and agonize over what to wear to soon-forgotten events. Yet we give little thought to the one appointment none of us can cancel: the end of this life. There is a 100% chance that each of us will leave this earth. Our possessions, titles, and accomplishments will remain behind. What will matter is whether this life was all there was—and, if not, what comes next. Standing at the center of that question is Jesus. Most people have heard of Him. Some regard Him as a historical figure, teacher, or prophet. Others recognize Him as the Son of God but have never considered what His life, death, and resurrection mean to them personally. His name is familiar, but familiarity can discourage investigation. Jesus did not present Himself merely as someone to admire. He claimed authority to forgive sins and said that He was the way, the truth, and the life—the only way. Either He was deluded, deceptive, or He was telling the most consequential truth ever spoken. More than two thousand years later, the world’s dominant calendar numbers its years in relation to His birth. His teachings helped shape ideas about mercy, forgiveness, human dignity, and care for the vulnerable. Influence does not prove divinity, but a life that changed civilization deserves more than a passing glance. The sustaining influence of Jesus deserves investigation. Many people do not consciously reject Him; they remain too busy to consider Him. We fill every quiet space with noise because silence allows deeper questions to surface: Why am I here? What makes life meaningful? What happens when I die? Could Jesus be who He claimed to be? Our culture is not less spiritual; it is spiritually eclectic. People pursue peace through meditation, crystals, energy, and personalized beliefs. The hunger is real, but not everything offered as food is equally nourishing—or true. We want transcendence without authority, peace without repentance, and purpose without surrender. Jesus asks not to be added to our lives, but to become the center of our lives. Christianity stands or falls on one historical claim: Jesus Christ was crucified, buried, and rose from the dead. If He did not rise, Christianity can be dismissed. If He did, nothing is more consequential to us personally. Churches and the Christians in them have, at times, caused terrible harm. Christianity cannot be judged by the perfection of its followers. It has no perfect followers—no religion does. Christianity is not an achievement to be attained by flawless people but rather a rescue for those who know they need the mercy, restoration, and the kind of eternal life only Jesus can provide. It is possible to believe accurate facts about Jesus without entrusting our lives to Him. Demonic spirits recognized Him as “the Son of God,” yet their recognition did not involve love, obedience, or allegiance. As James wrote, “Even the demons believe and shudder.” Believing that Jesus existed—even accepting that He is the Son of God—is not the same as following Him. Genuine faith means receiving His grace, placing our lives in His hands, and accepting His purposes for us. That is the true meaning of success. A person can build an empire and waste his or her life, while another can live quietly, love faithfully, and fulfill precisely what God created that person to do. Jesus is not a consultant hired to improve our agenda. He is Lord. The truly successful life is aligned with its Creator. Every person eventually answers the question of Jesus. Some answer yes; some answer no; many answer, “Not now.” But “not now,” repeated throughout a lifetime, eventually becomes no. Refusing to decide is itself a decision. Begin an honest investigation: Read what Jesus says about Himself in the book of John or Luke in the Bible. Examine both the evidence for the Resurrection and the objections to it in books like Evidence That Demands a Verdict by Josh and Sean McDowell and The Case for Christ by former atheist journalist Lee Strobel. Bring your questions, skepticism, failures, wounds, regrets, and fears. Jesus does not ask you to repair yourself before approaching Him. He asks you to turn to Him. Be honest. Pray, “Jesus, if You are real, help me recognize the truth.” Do not give the most important question of your existence whatever energy that remains after everything else has been done. The question for the fulfillment of your purpose and for eternity is whether you will trust Jesus with your life, receive His salvation, and allow His purposes to become your own. Everyone eventually answers the pivotal question: What will I do with Jesus? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rhondasciortino.substack.com

We’ve all experienced times when we feel like we’re in the center of a storm that is completely outside of our control. (If you haven’t yet, chances are you will.) We wish the storm would end. We wonder when it will end. We may ask if it will ever end. But perhaps the better question is, “Who am I becoming while I’m in the midst of the storm?” That is where the story of Captain Joshua Slocum comes in. In 1895, he set out alone to sail around the world in a boat measuring just under 37 feet long. With no GPS, no satellite weather system, no communication and no support crew, he left with only his boat, his experience, his judgment and his ability to respond to whatever happened next. More than three years and approximately 46,000 miles later, he became the first person known to circumnavigate the globe alone by sail. Slocum survived storms, 3 years of isolation (think about that), dangerous seas and the uncertainty of survival that surely dominated his thoughts. Through all of it, he developed the character, competence and resourcefulness necessary to navigate successfully through the obstacles. That is where our story of survival can become like his. Every one of us will eventually find ourselves in circumstances we cannot control. Some may be the result of our own choices, and others that we would never have chosen may be thrust upon us. We will face disappointment, detours, setbacks, uncertainty, opposition, loss, grief and seasons when our best efforts seem to produce very little progress. The question is not whether we will encounter storms We will. The question is whether we will become better navigators of the storms of life. Here are 10 lessons from Captain Joshua Slocum’s extraordinary journey that can help all of us navigate our own. 1. Start With What We Have Slocum did not begin with a perfect boat. The Spray was an old vessel that required extensive rebuilding before it could carry him around the world. He worked on what he had until it became capable of taking him where he wanted to go. That is a powerful lesson because many of us postpone finding and fulfilling our purpose while waiting for conditions to improve. We tell ourselves that we will begin when we have more money, more education, more confidence, more support, more time or better connections. Meanwhile, years pass. Most meaningful things do not begin under perfect conditions. Purposeful goals begin when we look at what we already have and decide to use it well. We may not have everything we want, but we probably have more than we realize. We have experience, relationships, abilities, the wisdom of lessons learned, access to information, and the capacity to work. Never underestimate all of the assets you already have—character and personality traits, intelligence, determination, courage, resilience, resourcefulness, and all the other good that’s already in you. Start there. 2. Preparation Creates Courage Slocum was not courageous because he believed the ocean was safe. He knew exactly how dangerous it could be. His confidence came from his knowledge and experience. There is an important difference between courage and recklessness. Recklessness assumes everything will work out. Courage prepares for the possibility that it might not. We sometimes admire people who appear fearless, but authentic confidence comes from preparation. When we practice, study, plan and develop competence, we do not need circumstances to be easy because we did the work necessary to increase our ability to handle difficulty. That applies to almost everything in life. If we want greater responsibility, we need to prepare for it. If we want to lead, we need to become better leaders. If we want financial stability, we need to learn to manage money. If we want healthier relationships, we need to develop healthier listening and communication skills. If we want to pursue an opportunity, we need to develop the skills the opportunity will require. For those of us who have lofty goals, it’s important to become capable of achieving them. 3. Change the Route, Not the Destination Slocum originally planned a route that would have taken him through the Mediterranean and the Suez Canal. When conditions made that route too dangerous, he changed course. He did not abandon the goal. He changed the way he intended to reach it. Understanding that principle can save us unnecessary frustration. It’s possible to become so attached to our plan that we conflate the plan with our purpose. When that’s the case, if things go wrong, we can too easily draw wrong conclusions, and believe that the whole endeavor was a mistake. If we keep the plan separate from our purpose, we will have the ability to make adjustments to the plan and still pursue our purpose. The job may change while the career remains. The business model may change while the mission remains. A relationship may require a different approach. The timeline may be longer than expected. The opportunity may come through a door we hadn’t considered. Changing our strategy for implementing the goal is far better than quitting. It’s important that we know the difference between our perseverance and our stubbornness. We can stay committed to the purpose and still remain flexible about the route. 4. Patience Is Strength There were times during Slocum’s voyage when he fought wind and current all day and made very little progress. Imagine working from morning until night and discovering that you had moved only a few miles closer to the destination… or maybe even further away from your destination. Most of us know that feeling. We work hard at something. We make responsible decisions. We keep showing up. And still, we see no measurable progress. It is tempting think that we’ve made a mistake—maybe the biggest mistake of our life. But delayed progress is still progress. Some of the most important things in life cannot be rushed. Healing, trust, character building, nurturing healthy relationships take time. Building anything worthwhile usually takes longer than we would like it to. Patience does not mean sitting still and doing nothing. Patience means continuing to do the right thing without giving up when the results don’t happen according to our timetable. Patience means refusing to quit. 5. Control What We Can Slocum could not control the wind, the waves, the currents or the weather. He could control his sails, his decisions, his preparation and his response. That may be one of the most useful principles for living with peace. We waste enormous amounts of emotional energy trying to control things that aren’t ours to control. We wish we could control other people’s decisions, opinions, behavior and reactions. We want certainty about the future. We wish the past had been different. None of those things are fully within our control. What is within our control are our choices, our words, our actions, our attitude, our integrity and our response to every situation we face. There is incredible peace and freedom in accepting this truth. We can do what is ours to do. The sooner we learn to release what is not ours to control, the more peaceful and joyful we will be. 6. Resourcefulness Is More Valuable Than Resources When something breaks in the middle of the ocean, there is no repair shop around the corner. When something in our life breaks and we cannot fix it, we can improvise, adapt, get creative and figure it out, or learn how to live without it. Slocum’s voyage is filled with examples of solving problems with what little was available to him at the time. Resourcefulness may be one of the most underrated predictors of success. People who have always had abundant resources can struggle when those resources disappear. On the other hand, people who have had to solve problems, stretch limited resources and find work-arounds tend to develop an extraordinary ability to adapt. The resourceful person says, “We may not know the answer yet, but we will find one.” “We may not have exactly what we need, but let’s begin with what we have.” “This is difficult, but not impossible.” “If it was easy, everyone would do it.” Some of the circumstances we would never choose develop in us character traits and skills we may need in the future. 7. Learn to Lead Ourselves Slocum had no crew to motivate him, monitor him or make decisions for him. If something needed to be done, he had to recognize it and do it. That required self leadership. Before we can lead anyone else well, we have to learn to lead ourselves, which involves regulating our emotions and controlling our responses. We must determine to keep our commitments. We must be willing to work hard without recognition. We must manage our emotions rather than allowing our emotions to manage us. We must be able to make tough decisions when lesser options would be easier. Character is developed in private long before it is recognized in public. The ability to lead ourselves may ultimately determine how much responsibility we will be trusted to carry. 8. Keep Our Sense of Humor One of the most appealing things about Slocum’s story is his sense of humor. He encountered legitimate danger and serious setbacks, yet he did not allow hardship to become his identity or distort his perspective. Humor is an important aspect of the character trait of resilience. Humor does not mean pretending something is not difficult. It means refusing to allow the problem to become our only focus. Sometimes we make hard situations even harder by giving every frustration enormous emotional weight. A small setback becomes a catastrophe. An inconvenience ruins the day. A mistake becomes evidence that everything is falling apart. It’s commonly called “catastrophizing,” and that can steal your peace and kill your joy. Sometimes the healthiest response is to acknowledge disappointment, keep the situation in perspective, find something to laugh about if we can, make any necessary adjustments and keep going. Laughter can be an act of faith that everything is going to work out some how, some way. It reminds us that the difficulty is real, but it is not everything. 9. Let the Difficulty Teach Us After completing his voyage, Slocum reflected that he had learned a lot despite already being a highly experienced sailor. Lessons learned by going through may be one of the greatest gifts hidden inside tough situations. Painful experiences can teach us things comfortable seasons cannot. We learn discernment because someone deceived us. We learn boundaries because we were mistreated after failing to establish them. We learn financial discipline when money becomes scarce. We learn courage when we face a frightening situation. We learn compassion through suffering. We learn resilience when quitting is not an option. Hardship does not automatically make us wiser. Some people become bitter. Some repeat the same mistakes indefinitely. But others mine the lessons out of difficulties and becomes wiser because of them. Wisdom comes when we ask, “What is this teaching me?” Resilience is earned by surviving. Wisdom is earned by seeing difficulties as opportunities to learn and grow. Growth is earned by becoming better as a result of what you’ve gone through. That is how wounds become wisdom. 10. Purpose Can Give Us Energy One of the remarkable details of Slocum’s journey is that after more than three years at sea, he reportedly returned looking remarkably well, not haggard and exhausted as many people expected. That should make us reconsider the assumption that difficulty always harms us. Sometimes it does. But sometimes what hurts most is suffering without finding the meaning in it. Purpose changes our perspective of difficulty. When we know why something matters, we can endure extraordinary discomfort. Parents do it for their children. Entrepreneurs do it to build something they believe in. Caregivers do it for people they love. People working toward a calling often endure inconveniences they would never tolerate for something meaningless. Purpose does not remove exhaustion, it gives it a reason. There is tremendous energy in knowing, “This matters. Someone will be helped by this. Good can come from this. We are doing something meaningful.” A difficult life is not necessarily an unhappy life. And an easy life is not necessarily a meaningful one. Purposeful Practice: What Kind of Sailors Are We Becoming? It helps to think about the area of our lives right now that feels most like rough water. It may be a relationship, a financial concern, a health issue, a business challenge, a disappointment, an unanswered prayer or simply uncertainty about what comes next. Instead of asking only when the situation will change, we can try to discern what this season is developing in us. Ask yourself these six questions: * What do I already have that I can use to navigate through this situation? * What can I learn from this? * Where would better preparation help? * Is there a route that should be changed while the destination remains the same? * What am I trying to control that is not mine to control? * What skill, strength, character trait, or wisdom could this experience be developing in me? After you’ve answered these questions for yourself, it will be easier to identify actions that you can take to continue towards your purpose. We do not need to know exactly what the next day will bring. Joshua Slocum could not know every danger that lay between him and home when he began his journey. He simply had to become capable of navigating the water in front of him. Let’s not spend our lives wishing for calmer seas. Let’s become people who can sail through rough ones. Because sometimes God does calm the storm. Sometimes He teaches us how to sail. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rhondasciortino.substack.com