How To Have Sex

BDSM. Two seconds after hearing that word, most people picture whips, chains, leather, and some kind of expensive basement situation. (Just me? Okay, just me.)This week, certified somatic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes breaks down what BDSM actually is — and spoiler: it's a much wider, far less terrifying spectrum than you think.We cover:What BDSM really means (and what it definitely doesn't have to mean)Why so many people are secretly curious about power play, restraint, and dominance, and feel weirdly ashamed about itThe psychology behind dominant people wanting to submit, and vice versaHow to go from "we've vaguely thought about this" to actually trying it, without a cringe disasterThe beginner's menu: easy, low-stakes things to explore firstConsent conversations that don't feel like a workplace health and safety briefingSafewords, aftercare, and the mistakes people make, copying what they've seen onlineAnd this week's Pleasure Practice to try at homeWhether you're deeply curious, mildly intrigued, or just here to find out what all the fuss is about, this one's for you.Don't start with a whip and a prayer. Start here. How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes. Every episode is designed to educate, inform, and start the conversations that most of us were never taught to have.This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide…Pleasure Delivered.SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcastFACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcastYOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@HowtohavesexpodcastEMAIL [email protected] the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesexHow To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nzHOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media PersonalityInstagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeneyMelissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coachwww.melissavranjes.comInstagram: @melissavranjesReady to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Porn. We're going there. Whether you watch it, your partner watches it, or you've never really thought about it, this episode is the honest, shame-free conversation you didn't know you needed.Jay-Jay and Mel explore why porn is so wildly popular, what your search history might (and might not) say about you, and the real question nobody asks: is your porn use helping, or quietly replacing intimacy in your relationship?This is sex education, not judgment. We cover:Why men and women consume porn so differently, and what women are actually looking forThe psychology of eroticism and why taboo fantasies make sensePorn and relationships: when it's fine, when it's not, and what to do when you've just caught your partner watching it (Mel shares her story, and it's a good one)The top-searched categories in 2025 and what that tells us about desireHow porn can actually rewire your body's arousal response, and make it harder to orgasm with a partnerEthical porn: what it means, and where to find it (Erika Lust gets a mention)Audio erotica, smut, and other ways to explore desire beyond visual pornMentioned in this episode: https://erikalust.com/ for ethical porn, and if you want to listen to the best audio erotica, try https://www.tryquinn.com/ or https://www.dipseastories.com/ Next week: BDSM.Subscribe so you don't miss a thing. And if this episode resonated, leave us a review. It genuinely helps. How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes. Every episode is designed to educate, inform, and start the conversations that most of us were never taught to have. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL [email protected] Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How To Have Sex is produced at PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Asking for what you want in bed might be the scariest thing you never do. Scarier than being naked. Scarier than asking for a pay rise. And for a lot of us, we'd rather go along with it, fake it, or hope they read our minds.In this episode, sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes and broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney get into the real reason we go quiet in the bedroom, and what to do about it.You'll learn:Why communication in bed is actually a courage problem, not a confidence problemThe worst time (and best time) to bring up a new requestHow to frame what you want so it sounds like a connection, not a complaintWhat to do when your partner shuts downScripts and examples you can actually useWhether you've been together forever or you're still in the honeymoon phase, this episode will help you stop hinting and start asking.Pleasure Practice: Build some courage. Pull the courage you already use outside the bedroom, and bring it in.How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes. Every episode is designed to educate, inform, and start the conversations that most of us were never taught to have. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL [email protected] Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Did you know your solo sex life is literally the foundation of your partnered sex life?In this episode, Jay-Jay finally figures out why this topic makes her want to crawl under the duvet and never come out, and it's more relatable than you'd think.Certified somatic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes breaks down everything women were never taught about self-pleasure: where the shame actually comes from, why we were never given this education, and how exploring your own body is one of the most powerful things you can do for your sex life, with or without a partner.We cover:Why female self-pleasure has been stigmatised for centuries (and male pleasure hasn't)How self-pleasure builds body literacy and improves partnered sexWhy rushing is the biggest mistake most people makeHow to diversify your pleasure and avoid being wired to only one pathwayWhether you can get "addicted" to your vibrator (yes, really)Masturbating in front of your partner - hot or not?How to handle mismatched libidos without guilt or obligation sexJay-Jay has an unexpected breakthrough on camera that stopped us bothPlus Mel's pleasure practice for the week, and Jay-Jay's very honest response to it.Next episode: How to Get Your Needs Met in Bed (Without Turning It Into a Performance Review).How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes. Every episode is designed to educate, inform, and start the conversations that most of us were never taught to have.This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide…Pleasure Delivered.SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.comINSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcastFACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcastYOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@HowtohavesexpodcastEMAIL [email protected] the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesexHow To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nzHOSTS:Jay-Jay Feeney – Media PersonalityInstagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeneyMelissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coachwww.melissavranjes.comInstagram: @melissavranjesJoin Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Anal play. Butt stuff. The backdoor. Whatever you call it, more people are curious than will ever admit it. So this week, Jay-Jay and Mel are going there. Literally.Certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes joins a very nervous, very clenching Jay-Jay Feeney to unpack everything about anal and butt play, for all bodies and all genders. From the biology, to the beginner steps, to the stuff nobody talks about.In this episode:Why butt play is so taboo (and why that's changing)The male G-spot (yes, the prostate) and why most men have no idea what they're missingHow women can experience orgasms from anal stimulationThe difference between external and penetrative play (you do NOT have to go all in to enjoy it)Mel's three beginner techniques: The Doorbell, The Credit Card, and CirclesHow to prepare properly, and why porn has got it dangerously wrongThe importance of lube, going slow, and communicationWhat NOT to do (don't cross-contaminate, don't use spit, and absolutely never surprise someone mid-sex)How to bring it up with a partner without making it weirdRecovering from a bad experienceThis week's Pleasure Practice (JJ's reaction is priceless)Curious but nervous? That's exactly who this episode is for.This episode is sponsored by Wild Secrets. NZ's premium pleasure destination. Use code HAVESEX for 20% off. Pleasure delivered. wildsecrets.co.nz SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast EMAIL [email protected] Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school Want more from Mel? She writes a weekly sex column for Woman's Day magazine. Pick up the latest issue to read it. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.